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General Parenting
"For every 'negative', find 2 positives."
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 172734" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Oh gosh, Shari, I'm just laughing over your "well, you're breathing" thought.... because some days the best I would have been able to come up with is "you do have pretty blue eyes". <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/rofl.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":rofl:" title="rofl :rofl:" data-shortname=":rofl:" /></p><p> </p><p>I think this is a good strategy when you're dealing with a easy child. I know that around the time thank you left for his first Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I was so entrenched in difficult child parenting that the other kids got mostly negative comments from me, which was so unfair. They respond *so* much better to positive reinforcement and once I got into that mind set, things got a whole lot better around here.</p><p> </p><p>But with thank you? Some days there just *weren't* any positives, truly, and I didn't feel like praising him for something he had no control of (his stunning blue eyes) was appropriate at all. I think our kids are smart enough to know when we're being condescending and that sets up a whole trust issue thing, in my humble opinion. </p><p> </p><p>Compounding the problem with finding something to praise thank you for was the fact that any positive reinforcement whatsoever provoked a negative response.... ARGH! I've only recently (last 3 years or so) finally gotten out of cheerleader mode. Neutrality is the only way to go with him (even when I called him about ACT scores, I really did try to keep it more on an informational level with him, not big yee-haws). Hopefully your kiddo will seek out that praise!</p><p> </p><p>It's a balancing act - socially acceptable behaviors, praise, limiting the negatives, and ignoring stuff. I hope IHBT can offer some additional ideas as she/he gets to know difficult child better and see him in action.</p><p> </p><p>Hang in there!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 172734, member: 8"] Oh gosh, Shari, I'm just laughing over your "well, you're breathing" thought.... because some days the best I would have been able to come up with is "you do have pretty blue eyes". :rofl: I think this is a good strategy when you're dealing with a easy child. I know that around the time thank you left for his first Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I was so entrenched in difficult child parenting that the other kids got mostly negative comments from me, which was so unfair. They respond *so* much better to positive reinforcement and once I got into that mind set, things got a whole lot better around here. But with thank you? Some days there just *weren't* any positives, truly, and I didn't feel like praising him for something he had no control of (his stunning blue eyes) was appropriate at all. I think our kids are smart enough to know when we're being condescending and that sets up a whole trust issue thing, in my humble opinion. Compounding the problem with finding something to praise thank you for was the fact that any positive reinforcement whatsoever provoked a negative response.... ARGH! I've only recently (last 3 years or so) finally gotten out of cheerleader mode. Neutrality is the only way to go with him (even when I called him about ACT scores, I really did try to keep it more on an informational level with him, not big yee-haws). Hopefully your kiddo will seek out that praise! It's a balancing act - socially acceptable behaviors, praise, limiting the negatives, and ignoring stuff. I hope IHBT can offer some additional ideas as she/he gets to know difficult child better and see him in action. Hang in there! [/QUOTE]
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"For every 'negative', find 2 positives."
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