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General Parenting
for those parents who consider themselves religious/spiritual...
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 588686" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Ksm, I am a nonbeliever and I'm as miffed as you are that the only reason my difficult child does things for other people is because he has to. </p><p>But that's part of his Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). It is so disheartening. </p><p>I mean, I can't drive by an SPCA with-o wanting to donate shoeboxes for the cats, or newspapers, or food ... I can't see a homeless person with-o reading the cardboard sign to see if it's something I may be able to help with (behind the scenes, I make phonecalls to shelters)... some of it may, indeed, have been because I was raised Catholic. But the negative, in the end, outweighed the positive for me. (I threw out the baby with-the bathwater and the whole tub, too! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> </p><p></p><p>I realized that to be spiritual is something quite different, something inside and outside of yourself at the same time.</p><p></p><p>And that's something way above most of our difficult child's heads at this age. Sigh. </p><p></p><p>My difficult child only volunteered at husband's church because he was mandated by court to do community service. Same thing for ROTC--he thought it would look good to the judge. (He was right.) Once he gets involved in an activity, he's fine. He's not thrilled, but he's okay with-it.</p><p>Which leads back to your question: HOW?</p><p></p><p>I know that a lot of parents disagree, but over the yrs, difficult child has responded to threats of taking away his electronics. That's one of the few things that works for him. Not only is it good to unplug him <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> but it shows that we are in control. </p><p></p><p>Once difficult child does whatever it is (say, feeding the homeless) then we give him a choice. Would you rather clean cages at the SPCA, feed the homeless, volunteer at a summer camp, go to church, go to Sunday school? He is forced to choose or he doesn't get his "toys" back.</p><p></p><p>I know, I know, it's not the best path to spirituality and I have no expectations in that regard. But it gets him OUT and DOING something. Does it involve tantrums and rages? It used to. But not any more. We stood our ground. And we have a united front, even though husband is a Christian and I am a nonbeliever. Parenting has to be a team effort.</p><p></p><p>by the way, difficult child and his girlfriend have discussed church and religion. On their own. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> It happens more easily between peers. It's a natural process for most kids. Eventually.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 588686, member: 3419"] Ksm, I am a nonbeliever and I'm as miffed as you are that the only reason my difficult child does things for other people is because he has to. But that's part of his Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). It is so disheartening. I mean, I can't drive by an SPCA with-o wanting to donate shoeboxes for the cats, or newspapers, or food ... I can't see a homeless person with-o reading the cardboard sign to see if it's something I may be able to help with (behind the scenes, I make phonecalls to shelters)... some of it may, indeed, have been because I was raised Catholic. But the negative, in the end, outweighed the positive for me. (I threw out the baby with-the bathwater and the whole tub, too! :) I realized that to be spiritual is something quite different, something inside and outside of yourself at the same time. And that's something way above most of our difficult child's heads at this age. Sigh. My difficult child only volunteered at husband's church because he was mandated by court to do community service. Same thing for ROTC--he thought it would look good to the judge. (He was right.) Once he gets involved in an activity, he's fine. He's not thrilled, but he's okay with-it. Which leads back to your question: HOW? I know that a lot of parents disagree, but over the yrs, difficult child has responded to threats of taking away his electronics. That's one of the few things that works for him. Not only is it good to unplug him :) but it shows that we are in control. Once difficult child does whatever it is (say, feeding the homeless) then we give him a choice. Would you rather clean cages at the SPCA, feed the homeless, volunteer at a summer camp, go to church, go to Sunday school? He is forced to choose or he doesn't get his "toys" back. I know, I know, it's not the best path to spirituality and I have no expectations in that regard. But it gets him OUT and DOING something. Does it involve tantrums and rages? It used to. But not any more. We stood our ground. And we have a united front, even though husband is a Christian and I am a nonbeliever. Parenting has to be a team effort. by the way, difficult child and his girlfriend have discussed church and religion. On their own. :) It happens more easily between peers. It's a natural process for most kids. Eventually. [/QUOTE]
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