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Forgotten on Mother's Day
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 656317" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Sadmom, I would venture to say that nearly every single mom on this site has lived through multiple Mother's Day's like the one you describe.</p><p></p><p>That doesn't make it any easier, but please know that you are not alone. </p><p></p><p>And it does hurt, a lot.</p><p></p><p>For the past six years, until this year, either my Difficult Child was in jail, homeless or just did little to nothing when it came to me and any occasion, Mother's Day, birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving. One Thanksgiving Day he broke into my garage after being told he could not come here (completely out of control, he was, at that time). I rousted him up and out and cried the entire time I was doing it. I called the police to see if they could help. They came, were very kind, took him aside and talked to him for a long time, even videotaped him so he could see himself right then, and how he looked and sounded (completely high and out of control) and to no avail. </p><p></p><p>Unbelievable, the lengths to which they go. </p><p></p><p>My son's issue was prescription pills, and he went to jail for use/abuse/selling/stealing multiple times. He has two felonies. </p><p></p><p>Today he is 25 (almost 26 years old). The only thing I was able to do was to stop helping him in any way whatsoever, and take a huge giant step back physically and emotionally from him. That doesn't mean I didn't still love him but he and I had to have a lot of space, time and distance between us for me to heal and for him to have a chance to start taking responsibility for his own life.</p><p></p><p>It was very hard for me to make this change----and it was completely up to me to make all of the change---because he NEVER would have changed how "we did things." </p><p></p><p>He took and I gave. That was how it worked for a long long long time. </p><p></p><p>Sadmom, maybe something good can come from this Mother's Day experience for you. Maybe...you can stop, spend some time reflecting on how you and your son "do things" and decide if it's time for things to change.</p><p></p><p>He is 23 years old. If not now, then when? </p><p></p><p>This change I am talking about will require a lot of work from you. How to do it is outlined through many, many posts on this forum, in the rooms of Al-Anon, in books like Codependent No more by Melody Beattie, and Boundaries by Cloud/Townsend. </p><p></p><p>This change is a one-day-at-a-time thing and you will, if you decide to start on this journey, take one step forward and two steps back at times.</p><p></p><p>Over time, your life will improve dramatically and you will be happy, content, joyful and serene, regardless of what he does or does not do. </p><p></p><p>And we are here for you, every step of the way. Warm hugs on this day-after-Mother's-Day. We care and we get it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 656317, member: 17542"] Sadmom, I would venture to say that nearly every single mom on this site has lived through multiple Mother's Day's like the one you describe. That doesn't make it any easier, but please know that you are not alone. And it does hurt, a lot. For the past six years, until this year, either my Difficult Child was in jail, homeless or just did little to nothing when it came to me and any occasion, Mother's Day, birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving. One Thanksgiving Day he broke into my garage after being told he could not come here (completely out of control, he was, at that time). I rousted him up and out and cried the entire time I was doing it. I called the police to see if they could help. They came, were very kind, took him aside and talked to him for a long time, even videotaped him so he could see himself right then, and how he looked and sounded (completely high and out of control) and to no avail. Unbelievable, the lengths to which they go. My son's issue was prescription pills, and he went to jail for use/abuse/selling/stealing multiple times. He has two felonies. Today he is 25 (almost 26 years old). The only thing I was able to do was to stop helping him in any way whatsoever, and take a huge giant step back physically and emotionally from him. That doesn't mean I didn't still love him but he and I had to have a lot of space, time and distance between us for me to heal and for him to have a chance to start taking responsibility for his own life. It was very hard for me to make this change----and it was completely up to me to make all of the change---because he NEVER would have changed how "we did things." He took and I gave. That was how it worked for a long long long time. Sadmom, maybe something good can come from this Mother's Day experience for you. Maybe...you can stop, spend some time reflecting on how you and your son "do things" and decide if it's time for things to change. He is 23 years old. If not now, then when? This change I am talking about will require a lot of work from you. How to do it is outlined through many, many posts on this forum, in the rooms of Al-Anon, in books like Codependent No more by Melody Beattie, and Boundaries by Cloud/Townsend. This change is a one-day-at-a-time thing and you will, if you decide to start on this journey, take one step forward and two steps back at times. Over time, your life will improve dramatically and you will be happy, content, joyful and serene, regardless of what he does or does not do. And we are here for you, every step of the way. Warm hugs on this day-after-Mother's-Day. We care and we get it. [/QUOTE]
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