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<blockquote data-quote="jbrain" data-source="post: 90719" data-attributes="member: 3450"><p>My dtr (difficult child 1) is 19 and on her own with boyfriend. Sometimes I hear from her a couple times in one week, sometimes weeks go by and I don't hear from her, then I might call. I understand she needs her space and she has her own life--it is not centered around her family and I think that is a good thing. I had to set up strict boundaries with her (we had to kick her out at 18) but she does seem to respect me. I don't allow her to use me though I will help out (not financially) when she asks if I am able. I don't drop everything and rush to help, I tell her when I am available. </p><p></p><p>I think your dtr has been taught that you have no value--you are there for her and your son and you are not a person in your own right. When they are very small it makes sense--they don't understand that we are more than "Mom." But once they can comprehend that we need to let them understand that we are people too and have our own lives to live. I think she will treat you better when you stand up for yourself and also prove to her that you have your own life, she is not the center of the universe.</p><p></p><p>My best friend's mom is so needy and has made her dtr the center of her life. My friend feels suffocated and does not like to be around her mom much. She feels guilty about her feelings since her mom is so devoted to her but she really needs her space. The way I see it is that it is unfair to our kids and ourselves to make our happiness depend upon them. They should not be responsible for our happiness--it is too big a burden for all.</p><p></p><p>Good luck! Everyone who responded before me had great advice!</p><p></p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jbrain, post: 90719, member: 3450"] My dtr (difficult child 1) is 19 and on her own with boyfriend. Sometimes I hear from her a couple times in one week, sometimes weeks go by and I don't hear from her, then I might call. I understand she needs her space and she has her own life--it is not centered around her family and I think that is a good thing. I had to set up strict boundaries with her (we had to kick her out at 18) but she does seem to respect me. I don't allow her to use me though I will help out (not financially) when she asks if I am able. I don't drop everything and rush to help, I tell her when I am available. I think your dtr has been taught that you have no value--you are there for her and your son and you are not a person in your own right. When they are very small it makes sense--they don't understand that we are more than "Mom." But once they can comprehend that we need to let them understand that we are people too and have our own lives to live. I think she will treat you better when you stand up for yourself and also prove to her that you have your own life, she is not the center of the universe. My best friend's mom is so needy and has made her dtr the center of her life. My friend feels suffocated and does not like to be around her mom much. She feels guilty about her feelings since her mom is so devoted to her but she really needs her space. The way I see it is that it is unfair to our kids and ourselves to make our happiness depend upon them. They should not be responsible for our happiness--it is too big a burden for all. Good luck! Everyone who responded before me had great advice! Jane [/QUOTE]
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