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Found a file of picoisms
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 122745" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>And more from D's Mom:</p><p></p><p>Pico, here's some advice you gave me when Doug, who was 31 years old at the time, and I were having some problems. I filed this in my "support" folder in February of 1999.</p><p></p><p>*****</p><p>D's Mom:</p><p></p><p>Boundaries. That was a very very difficult concept for me, too. And when difficult child came along, it got even tougher. He was such a demanding little soul.</p><p></p><p>My sister, Blondie, finally got it through my thick head. And since she is at this particular moment, under the influence of some pretty hefty drugs (She's having knee surgery as we speak), I'll try to jump in on this one.</p><p></p><p>I was able to breast feed Fuzz. It was a really neat experience for me, as I'd not been able to do it for easy child because of his cleft palate. So, it was really fun to do it with Fuzz.</p><p></p><p>However, the demands of an infant to be fed what he wants, when he wants it, on the side he prefers, is a whole different thing from the demands we should expect from our children as they grow up and presumably away from us.</p><p></p><p>I would not expect my 4 year old to yank up my shirt for a drink of mommy. Nor should I expect him to demand my lap any time he pleases, my attention any time he pleases, my me any time he pleases.</p><p></p><p>The boundaries are, I am available for you for the things you cannot deal with alone. And I will share with you good times and love and family ties. But I am not here to make your life infantile, nor am I your emotional punching bag. It is not my job to MAKE YOU HAPPY. That is your job. It was my job to do the best I could to give you the tools to seek happiness on your own. If I failed, it's too late now to fire me. So you are welcome to go talk to a therapist or a friend or a mystic on a mountain and see if they are more effective in helping you find those tools. But happiness is yours alone to discover within yourself.</p><p></p><p>I love you. I will always love you. But love and happiness are not necessarily the same thing. My love is something you get just because I choose to give it to you. You don't have to do anything at all for it. It is free. Happiness, however, is yours to build, find, discover, grow into. It is not an event, it is a process. And if you're lucky, you'll spend your whole life finding all the variations of it. But that is up to you, my child.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, D's mom. If he were my son, I guess that's what I'd tell him. And I'd hope he could understand it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 122745, member: 1514"] And more from D's Mom: Pico, here's some advice you gave me when Doug, who was 31 years old at the time, and I were having some problems. I filed this in my "support" folder in February of 1999. ***** D's Mom: Boundaries. That was a very very difficult concept for me, too. And when difficult child came along, it got even tougher. He was such a demanding little soul. My sister, Blondie, finally got it through my thick head. And since she is at this particular moment, under the influence of some pretty hefty drugs (She's having knee surgery as we speak), I'll try to jump in on this one. I was able to breast feed Fuzz. It was a really neat experience for me, as I'd not been able to do it for easy child because of his cleft palate. So, it was really fun to do it with Fuzz. However, the demands of an infant to be fed what he wants, when he wants it, on the side he prefers, is a whole different thing from the demands we should expect from our children as they grow up and presumably away from us. I would not expect my 4 year old to yank up my shirt for a drink of mommy. Nor should I expect him to demand my lap any time he pleases, my attention any time he pleases, my me any time he pleases. The boundaries are, I am available for you for the things you cannot deal with alone. And I will share with you good times and love and family ties. But I am not here to make your life infantile, nor am I your emotional punching bag. It is not my job to MAKE YOU HAPPY. That is your job. It was my job to do the best I could to give you the tools to seek happiness on your own. If I failed, it's too late now to fire me. So you are welcome to go talk to a therapist or a friend or a mystic on a mountain and see if they are more effective in helping you find those tools. But happiness is yours alone to discover within yourself. I love you. I will always love you. But love and happiness are not necessarily the same thing. My love is something you get just because I choose to give it to you. You don't have to do anything at all for it. It is free. Happiness, however, is yours to build, find, discover, grow into. It is not an event, it is a process. And if you're lucky, you'll spend your whole life finding all the variations of it. But that is up to you, my child. Anyway, D's mom. If he were my son, I guess that's what I'd tell him. And I'd hope he could understand it. [/QUOTE]
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