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Found a file of picoisms
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 122755" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>[FONT=&quot]Here is Pico's response to a new member who is asking, "How to stop meltdown when you see it coming?"</p><p></p><p>Walk right in; set yourself down; baby let your hair hang down.</p><p></p><p>If you recognize it, you know I'm ancient!</p><p></p><p>Fuzz seemed to have meltdowns out of the clear blue nowhere, until I learned to look for some pretty small and ordinarily insignificant things.</p><p></p><p>Example: He came completely unglued one night when he was supposed to be doing a math homework sheet. He knew how to do the work. He wasn't fighting about getting it done. So why the hysteria? Because his pencil lead broke.</p><p></p><p>Complete meltdown.</p><p></p><p>My ODD kid used to come totally unglued over the smallest frustration. So if you can get past the boobs=brains problem, you might also find that Miss B=B is reacting to something so small most of us would not notice it.</p><p></p><p>Then what you do is help her evaluate it as a challenge, and solve the problem. DO NOT TELL HER SHE IS UPSET OVER SOMETHING THAT DOES NOT MATTER. In her perception, that means she doesn't matter.</p><p></p><p>You have to acknowledge the "problem" before you can teach her how to judge whether it is a big problem, or a little problem.</p><p></p><p>'Nother ex: Fuzz came in the other day with a swollen red thumb. He was hammering, and he accidentally hit his thumb. It really is a painful wound. Mashed that sucker good!</p><p>My response: Oh, wow. That looks like it really hurts a bunch! I always hated it when I missed and mashed my thumb! The popcorn pack might do it some good, if you think it can stand the cold.</p><p></p><p>(Explanation: we have frozen popcorn kernels in a double bagged zip lock bag that lives in the freezer. It's the best cold compress in the world. And no messy melting gunk.)</p><p></p><p>Well, I've had to re-admire his war wound daily since then, and note its progress from red to purple, to black and blue. But no hysteria. No accusations of insufficient concern, or love, or the need for an immediate ambulance ride. And he's dealing with the frustration of it sometimes hurting when he forgets it, and re-bumps it doing ordinary stuff.</p><p></p><p>I don't remember for sure, but I think the whole validation response thing is something Fuzz's counselor taught me, and I think it is based in Adlerian theory or something -- all I know is, it works much of the time.</p><p></p><p>So, if Ms. B=B goes into a total meltdown, you might try pasting your best "calm but concerned" face on, and putting a very calm hand on her shoulder or back, and saying, "I can see you're really upset. Can you tell me what happened to make you feel this way?"</p><p></p><p>It's a fair question, and there is absolutely NO value judgment there for her to object to.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 122755, member: 1514"] [FONT="]Here is Pico's response to a new member who is asking, "How to stop meltdown when you see it coming?" Walk right in; set yourself down; baby let your hair hang down. If you recognize it, you know I'm ancient! Fuzz seemed to have meltdowns out of the clear blue nowhere, until I learned to look for some pretty small and ordinarily insignificant things. Example: He came completely unglued one night when he was supposed to be doing a math homework sheet. He knew how to do the work. He wasn't fighting about getting it done. So why the hysteria? Because his pencil lead broke. Complete meltdown. My ODD kid used to come totally unglued over the smallest frustration. So if you can get past the boobs=brains problem, you might also find that Miss B=B is reacting to something so small most of us would not notice it. Then what you do is help her evaluate it as a challenge, and solve the problem. DO NOT TELL HER SHE IS UPSET OVER SOMETHING THAT DOES NOT MATTER. In her perception, that means she doesn't matter. You have to acknowledge the "problem" before you can teach her how to judge whether it is a big problem, or a little problem. 'Nother ex: Fuzz came in the other day with a swollen red thumb. He was hammering, and he accidentally hit his thumb. It really is a painful wound. Mashed that sucker good! My response: Oh, wow. That looks like it really hurts a bunch! I always hated it when I missed and mashed my thumb! The popcorn pack might do it some good, if you think it can stand the cold. (Explanation: we have frozen popcorn kernels in a double bagged zip lock bag that lives in the freezer. It's the best cold compress in the world. And no messy melting gunk.) Well, I've had to re-admire his war wound daily since then, and note its progress from red to purple, to black and blue. But no hysteria. No accusations of insufficient concern, or love, or the need for an immediate ambulance ride. And he's dealing with the frustration of it sometimes hurting when he forgets it, and re-bumps it doing ordinary stuff. I don't remember for sure, but I think the whole validation response thing is something Fuzz's counselor taught me, and I think it is based in Adlerian theory or something -- all I know is, it works much of the time. So, if Ms. B=B goes into a total meltdown, you might try pasting your best "calm but concerned" face on, and putting a very calm hand on her shoulder or back, and saying, "I can see you're really upset. Can you tell me what happened to make you feel this way?" It's a fair question, and there is absolutely NO value judgment there for her to object to. [/QUOTE]
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