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Found a file of picoisms
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 122756" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>[FONT=&quot]This topic was about relatives who do not have a clue what we are dealing with in regards to our difficult child's. Most do not understand, and many don't want to find out what we are going through either, let alone be supportive. But Pico was able to communicate with her parents, and help them to understand. And they have been a support to her.</p><p></p><p>First of all, each of us must recognize that the relationships we, as adults, have with our parents and our in-laws, are based on varying histories and lengths of acquaintanceship. My mother, who raised me, has a different concept of who I am and who we are as a family than my mother-in-law, who only got to know me as an adult. Our history is different.</p><p></p><p>Add children, some of whom are pretty close to perfect in the eyes of their grandparents; and others may appear to be little demons in the very same eyes.</p><p></p><p>How do we, as adults, explain to our parents that our children, the hope of the future, are not what everyone expected, anticipated, hoped for? How did this happen? Who is to blame?</p><p></p><p>My parents, bless them, thought Fuzz needed to be spanked more. So, one day when they were visiting, I spanked him, for being unbelievably rude to them. And then I sat back and let them see him go totally ballistic. While he was screaming in the background, I calmly turned to my mother and explained, as gently as possible, that spanking him was teaching him one thing: big people get to hit little people. And although he was in the other room dismantling a quarter of my house at this point, the day would come, not too far down the road, when he would not tear up the room -- he would hit me back, or beat me up completely. So, I needed them to listen to me, and help me help this kid, before he became someone we all were afraid of.</p><p></p><p>And we began.</p><p>My mother, bless her heart, is an avid reader. She also knows that there are a lot of holes in our systems, as she has encountered her share of frustrations with bureaucracies over the years.</p><p></p><p>I gave her the Chandler Papers one evening, and said, I'd love to get her impression of them any time she felt like talking about it. The next morning, as my father drank his coffee, my mother and I began talking about ODD.</p><p>She is now one of my staunchest allies. She has seen a remarkable change in Fuzz over time. She was openly and obviously astounded about a year ago when he started to go off on me, checked himself, spun on his heel and headed for his room at warp speed, only to run smack full on into my father's legs. Fuzz, stopped, apologized for running into his grandpa, excused himself, and walked around my father, into his room, and closed the door like a civilized human being.</p><p></p><p>I could hear him venting through the door, but even at that point, he was working really hard to use the alternatives to common swear words, as he knew that his grandparents do not swear, and do not respect those who do.</p><p></p><p>(My father actually said DAMN YOU once -- to a horse that tried to roll over on me -- and to this day, the irony of the situation tickles me. My father jumped the fence to yank that horse off me, and yelled at her that simple two word expletive -- and the next sound we heard was the window of the dining room sliding up and my mother yelling, "Richard! Don't you swear in front of the chi----, Oh my Lord!"</p><p></p><p>Well, as you can see, my parents are not used to the brilliance of the colorful language our difficult child's are capable of painting our ears! So I had to stifle a chuckle as my difficult child was in his room, punching a pillow, and through his gritted teeth, muttering, "God Bless It! Can't Do Anything Anyway! ......"</p><p></p><p>But the fact that he had stopped and turned himself around; he had apologized for running into Daddy, and he excused himself to vent in the other room, was the proof my parents had never expected to see, that this child who really does have a problem, could benefit from the support.</p><p></p><p>I talked to my mother plainly. I told her right out that I needed her help. I explained while we were visiting them for a holiday, that I needed her to tell him things plain the same way she would have told us when we were kids. That he needed to know that my rules weren't something dreamed up by me just to make his life a special misery.</p><p></p><p>So when mother went down to the basement for a jar of pickles or something, and she saw my kid jumping on the bed (because it has such delightfully squeaky springs!) she said, almost without thinking, "You don't jump on the beds, young man!" And he stopped.</p><p></p><p>Fuzz has benefited a whole lot from having his grandparents show him the same standards of behavior are expected by them, as are expected by me. My folks have been wonderful in not taking the kid's side against me. I don't know how to solve that one other than to give them a real good taste, and let the kid stay with them for some time in the summer till they see his true colors.</p><p></p><p>My folks were not in that group of people.</p><p></p><p>I don't know if this will help anyone, but if it does, great. I know that my mother had always thought Fuzz's behaviors were simply a brat going off, till she read Chandler, and discovered that we were in for a long haul. She has since been very supportive, albeit from a distance. No respite care coming from that corner!!</p><p></p><p>But the folks have been excellent in giving Fuzz lots of calm, but good attention when he is acting reasonably, so that reinforcement has been wonderful.</p><p>Pico,</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 122756, member: 1514"] [FONT="]This topic was about relatives who do not have a clue what we are dealing with in regards to our difficult child's. Most do not understand, and many don't want to find out what we are going through either, let alone be supportive. But Pico was able to communicate with her parents, and help them to understand. And they have been a support to her. First of all, each of us must recognize that the relationships we, as adults, have with our parents and our in-laws, are based on varying histories and lengths of acquaintanceship. My mother, who raised me, has a different concept of who I am and who we are as a family than my mother-in-law, who only got to know me as an adult. Our history is different. Add children, some of whom are pretty close to perfect in the eyes of their grandparents; and others may appear to be little demons in the very same eyes. How do we, as adults, explain to our parents that our children, the hope of the future, are not what everyone expected, anticipated, hoped for? How did this happen? Who is to blame? My parents, bless them, thought Fuzz needed to be spanked more. So, one day when they were visiting, I spanked him, for being unbelievably rude to them. And then I sat back and let them see him go totally ballistic. While he was screaming in the background, I calmly turned to my mother and explained, as gently as possible, that spanking him was teaching him one thing: big people get to hit little people. And although he was in the other room dismantling a quarter of my house at this point, the day would come, not too far down the road, when he would not tear up the room -- he would hit me back, or beat me up completely. So, I needed them to listen to me, and help me help this kid, before he became someone we all were afraid of. And we began. My mother, bless her heart, is an avid reader. She also knows that there are a lot of holes in our systems, as she has encountered her share of frustrations with bureaucracies over the years. I gave her the Chandler Papers one evening, and said, I'd love to get her impression of them any time she felt like talking about it. The next morning, as my father drank his coffee, my mother and I began talking about ODD. She is now one of my staunchest allies. She has seen a remarkable change in Fuzz over time. She was openly and obviously astounded about a year ago when he started to go off on me, checked himself, spun on his heel and headed for his room at warp speed, only to run smack full on into my father's legs. Fuzz, stopped, apologized for running into his grandpa, excused himself, and walked around my father, into his room, and closed the door like a civilized human being. I could hear him venting through the door, but even at that point, he was working really hard to use the alternatives to common swear words, as he knew that his grandparents do not swear, and do not respect those who do. (My father actually said DAMN YOU once -- to a horse that tried to roll over on me -- and to this day, the irony of the situation tickles me. My father jumped the fence to yank that horse off me, and yelled at her that simple two word expletive -- and the next sound we heard was the window of the dining room sliding up and my mother yelling, "Richard! Don't you swear in front of the chi----, Oh my Lord!" Well, as you can see, my parents are not used to the brilliance of the colorful language our difficult child's are capable of painting our ears! So I had to stifle a chuckle as my difficult child was in his room, punching a pillow, and through his gritted teeth, muttering, "God Bless It! Can't Do Anything Anyway! ......" But the fact that he had stopped and turned himself around; he had apologized for running into Daddy, and he excused himself to vent in the other room, was the proof my parents had never expected to see, that this child who really does have a problem, could benefit from the support. I talked to my mother plainly. I told her right out that I needed her help. I explained while we were visiting them for a holiday, that I needed her to tell him things plain the same way she would have told us when we were kids. That he needed to know that my rules weren't something dreamed up by me just to make his life a special misery. So when mother went down to the basement for a jar of pickles or something, and she saw my kid jumping on the bed (because it has such delightfully squeaky springs!) she said, almost without thinking, "You don't jump on the beds, young man!" And he stopped. Fuzz has benefited a whole lot from having his grandparents show him the same standards of behavior are expected by them, as are expected by me. My folks have been wonderful in not taking the kid's side against me. I don't know how to solve that one other than to give them a real good taste, and let the kid stay with them for some time in the summer till they see his true colors. My folks were not in that group of people. I don't know if this will help anyone, but if it does, great. I know that my mother had always thought Fuzz's behaviors were simply a brat going off, till she read Chandler, and discovered that we were in for a long haul. She has since been very supportive, albeit from a distance. No respite care coming from that corner!! But the folks have been excellent in giving Fuzz lots of calm, but good attention when he is acting reasonably, so that reinforcement has been wonderful. Pico, [/QUOTE]
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