Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Frustrated...caution whine ahead
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 171594" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Linda, you know where I've been and that I really do understand. I remember when I had to hand over to husband, the transporting of the kids to school and back. I worked at the uni back when the kids were babies. I took 3 months off to have each one, then went back to work, a full-time employee plus breastfeeding mum. It wasn't easy, especially when I had three kids all in childcare, plus breastfeeding, plus working full-time. ABout that time I was also studying, finishing my uni degree (at another uni).</p><p></p><p>Then four years later, the baton got handed to husband. By then HE was working at the same place I had been, and the kids were going to a school near the child care centre. For a while we car-pooled with another family, with me doing the driving for our family. It was often too much for me to make the hour's drive each way more than once a day, so I struggled for a while. Then husband finally took over and found it absolutely exhausting. He was most relieved when the kids graduated into high school closer to home, and more independent. I mean, I had done it for years when the kids were younger, plus had the constant to and fro through the work day (in every break) going over to breastfeed the baby. And I kept going.</p><p></p><p>Trying to keep house here has also been very difficult. I try to be on deck, and in the past I've had the kids pitching in, but lately easy child 2/difficult child 2 has been "too sick" to help (unpredictably, too) and I struggle on, knowing that she could do more. She HAS been pushing herself to keep going during her working day, she just felt that when she comes home she should be able to rest after pushing herself all day.</p><p>So husband would come home and if I were having a really bad day, he would have to take things from there.</p><p></p><p>Even if I had food pre-cooked, just needing to be reheated, the usual evening routine would often go to pot if I wasn't there pushing it all along. An important part of the evening routine - feed difficult child 3. Because a cranky, hungry difficult child 3 is one who causes a lot of trouble with whoever isn't keeping things moving.</p><p></p><p>I would struggle out of bed to make sure things kept happening as they should, and I would get shooed back to bed either by my older kids saying it was all under control, or husband saying the same thing. Then I would hear WWIII breaking out, and get up again to shut off the arguing. Every time I got up, people would shout at each other for causing trouble enough to have me investigating. If I gritted my teeth and stayed put - people WOULD get fed eventually, but sometimes it was hours late. And a couple of times, I didn't get fed at all.</p><p></p><p>Linda, it stinks. It really does. Just hang on to this thought - it does get better.</p><p></p><p>Even if you DON'T get any better (and you will - it won't stay like this) at least THEY will get better at either getting things done, or accepting how things are and not making a fuss about it. You will find kt will continue to get older and mature; husband will learn to manage a bit better (and hopefully stop whining so much) and you will learn to not fuss about the dust for now.</p><p></p><p>I have a few things for you.</p><p></p><p>First, Quentin Crisp on housekeeping. He used to say he never did any dusting, "because dust only accumulates on things you don't use."</p><p></p><p>Second, something I saw just today and intend to investigate - the Nintendo DS has a new program. It is a mini-chef, it literally talks the user through up to 200 recipes. The ad on TV shows a bloke (reputation as a fairly typical, non-domesticated Aussie male) preparing a meal for a favourite female in his life (turns out to be his aunty). The DS is talking to him, telling him what to do. Speaker-activated. difficult child 3 saw the ad and thinks we should get one for difficult child 1, as a wedding present.</p><p>Would one of these be useful for kt? Or husband? It would be fun to use as well as very useful, very helpful. It would take a lot of the chore out of cooking, as well as making it easier in general. And I really hope it will also greatly reduce the anxiety in the process, especially for my boys.</p><p></p><p>When you are in the state you are currently, you need to be able to take things more easily. At least it is summer in your neck of the woods - there are things you can do more easily in summer. Salads, for example. Raw vegetables are healthier anyway. Plus they can be prepared well ahead of time. You, or kt - it doesn't matter. If you can talk her through some recipes, or have her sit with you and discuss meal planning, let her feel grown-up and responsible but knowing you're there as a backstop, it can help.</p><p></p><p>I remember one time when I was talking easy child and difficult child 1 through cooking a rather complex curry. They had a recipe to follow, but when you haven't actually done it before, its easy to burn it at various stages. And burn it they did. They were feeling very guilty about that, but in fact because the recipe had a long, slow simmer stage, the burnt spices all slowly dissolved into the curry and gave it a wonderful flavour.</p><p></p><p>And something really important to remember - any help kt gives you now, is all helping her learn the skills she will need when she is grown.</p><p></p><p>Think back to fifty years ago. A woman's work was in the home. Girls were expected to cook, to sew, to clean - almost from infancy. I was expected to help my mother in every spare moment. I would get home from school (elementary school, too) to be expected to wash and peel a bucket of potatoes. There were ten of us in the family to be fed. I then had to help my mother with the other vegetables, get them ready to cook on the stove (which meant putting them, cut up, into water in a saucepan). Then we would turn on the saucepans as we started to cook the meat, so everything would all be ready at the same time.</p><p>No microwave ovens. No way to reheat a meal once it went cold, other than to put it in the oven where it would dry out.</p><p></p><p>So don't feel you are asking too much of kt or even husband. Especially with kt, you are doing for her what every mother fifty years ago did for their daughters (sons too, in my mother's case) - taught them how to be productive, capable, independent adults.</p><p></p><p>I'll check out that Nintendo DS program with the recipes, and let you know if it would be good in your (our) situation.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 171594, member: 1991"] Linda, you know where I've been and that I really do understand. I remember when I had to hand over to husband, the transporting of the kids to school and back. I worked at the uni back when the kids were babies. I took 3 months off to have each one, then went back to work, a full-time employee plus breastfeeding mum. It wasn't easy, especially when I had three kids all in childcare, plus breastfeeding, plus working full-time. ABout that time I was also studying, finishing my uni degree (at another uni). Then four years later, the baton got handed to husband. By then HE was working at the same place I had been, and the kids were going to a school near the child care centre. For a while we car-pooled with another family, with me doing the driving for our family. It was often too much for me to make the hour's drive each way more than once a day, so I struggled for a while. Then husband finally took over and found it absolutely exhausting. He was most relieved when the kids graduated into high school closer to home, and more independent. I mean, I had done it for years when the kids were younger, plus had the constant to and fro through the work day (in every break) going over to breastfeed the baby. And I kept going. Trying to keep house here has also been very difficult. I try to be on deck, and in the past I've had the kids pitching in, but lately easy child 2/difficult child 2 has been "too sick" to help (unpredictably, too) and I struggle on, knowing that she could do more. She HAS been pushing herself to keep going during her working day, she just felt that when she comes home she should be able to rest after pushing herself all day. So husband would come home and if I were having a really bad day, he would have to take things from there. Even if I had food pre-cooked, just needing to be reheated, the usual evening routine would often go to pot if I wasn't there pushing it all along. An important part of the evening routine - feed difficult child 3. Because a cranky, hungry difficult child 3 is one who causes a lot of trouble with whoever isn't keeping things moving. I would struggle out of bed to make sure things kept happening as they should, and I would get shooed back to bed either by my older kids saying it was all under control, or husband saying the same thing. Then I would hear WWIII breaking out, and get up again to shut off the arguing. Every time I got up, people would shout at each other for causing trouble enough to have me investigating. If I gritted my teeth and stayed put - people WOULD get fed eventually, but sometimes it was hours late. And a couple of times, I didn't get fed at all. Linda, it stinks. It really does. Just hang on to this thought - it does get better. Even if you DON'T get any better (and you will - it won't stay like this) at least THEY will get better at either getting things done, or accepting how things are and not making a fuss about it. You will find kt will continue to get older and mature; husband will learn to manage a bit better (and hopefully stop whining so much) and you will learn to not fuss about the dust for now. I have a few things for you. First, Quentin Crisp on housekeeping. He used to say he never did any dusting, "because dust only accumulates on things you don't use." Second, something I saw just today and intend to investigate - the Nintendo DS has a new program. It is a mini-chef, it literally talks the user through up to 200 recipes. The ad on TV shows a bloke (reputation as a fairly typical, non-domesticated Aussie male) preparing a meal for a favourite female in his life (turns out to be his aunty). The DS is talking to him, telling him what to do. Speaker-activated. difficult child 3 saw the ad and thinks we should get one for difficult child 1, as a wedding present. Would one of these be useful for kt? Or husband? It would be fun to use as well as very useful, very helpful. It would take a lot of the chore out of cooking, as well as making it easier in general. And I really hope it will also greatly reduce the anxiety in the process, especially for my boys. When you are in the state you are currently, you need to be able to take things more easily. At least it is summer in your neck of the woods - there are things you can do more easily in summer. Salads, for example. Raw vegetables are healthier anyway. Plus they can be prepared well ahead of time. You, or kt - it doesn't matter. If you can talk her through some recipes, or have her sit with you and discuss meal planning, let her feel grown-up and responsible but knowing you're there as a backstop, it can help. I remember one time when I was talking easy child and difficult child 1 through cooking a rather complex curry. They had a recipe to follow, but when you haven't actually done it before, its easy to burn it at various stages. And burn it they did. They were feeling very guilty about that, but in fact because the recipe had a long, slow simmer stage, the burnt spices all slowly dissolved into the curry and gave it a wonderful flavour. And something really important to remember - any help kt gives you now, is all helping her learn the skills she will need when she is grown. Think back to fifty years ago. A woman's work was in the home. Girls were expected to cook, to sew, to clean - almost from infancy. I was expected to help my mother in every spare moment. I would get home from school (elementary school, too) to be expected to wash and peel a bucket of potatoes. There were ten of us in the family to be fed. I then had to help my mother with the other vegetables, get them ready to cook on the stove (which meant putting them, cut up, into water in a saucepan). Then we would turn on the saucepans as we started to cook the meat, so everything would all be ready at the same time. No microwave ovens. No way to reheat a meal once it went cold, other than to put it in the oven where it would dry out. So don't feel you are asking too much of kt or even husband. Especially with kt, you are doing for her what every mother fifty years ago did for their daughters (sons too, in my mother's case) - taught them how to be productive, capable, independent adults. I'll check out that Nintendo DS program with the recipes, and let you know if it would be good in your (our) situation. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Frustrated...caution whine ahead
Top