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General Parenting
getting ready for neuropsychologist consult tomorrow...
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 472842" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>ksm, what you are saying makes a ton of sense. MWM said it beautifully. I was told the same thing. They just develop that way for survival. Like kids in an orphanage. Even if it is a wonderful one, they dont get that normal experience of a primary parent who is their ultimate protector. My son called me mama day one and had no problem coming with me. He didn't want to go back to his one and only foster home with a loving older woman who had him from seven months. He only new life in an AA community, even his SW was AA and still he just clung on to me. When we went to a fast food restaurant, he wandered to anyone asking for food, if he needed help with his shoes he would just ask anyone standing near. </p><p></p><p>I was told to make sure the mom role was very clear from day one. To ask others to not hug even for a while (now of course not). but still we follow the rule that everyone has to run things by mom even if people know us well and they know my answer would be yes or fine. He can't have candy unless they tell him to ask mom. If he gets hurt, mom has to clean it and put the bandaid on etc. We did lots of reciprocal bonding things like rubbing lotion on arms (cant do with kids whose sensory issues wont allow) to be gentle and loving etc. </p><p></p><p>If you google attach china you will find a wonderful website that has kids adopted from all over now (it was started by moms who adopted from china but quickly grew to any kids) when I belonged it was a very young site now has grown to be really amazing. they have both a site explaining Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and one you can join with permission because they dont want people on it who are just curious. that part of the site is for people who really do have attachment challenges with their child(ren). Lots of super clingy velcro kids, kids who have huge anger issues, etc. And the parents are very honest about their feelings and the things they have tried. They also talk about school issues---you think schools dont understand more common mental health issues, wow this issue is nearly off their radar except if they have a diagnosis they think of the kids who are so hurt that they start fires and dont have any attachment to people. </p><p></p><p> I have read that some of the kids with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) will do better in a residential/larger group home setting that specializes in Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), just because there is not the pressure to attach. They still have family contact and can focus on doing better in school, etc... and eventually have a good life on their terms. Near us there is a woman (nun) who pushed hard and got a home built for just that purpose. Gave the kids support meeting them at their level of attachment. Interesting theory for kids who really are suffering and can't make progress on the attachment front.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 472842, member: 12886"] ksm, what you are saying makes a ton of sense. MWM said it beautifully. I was told the same thing. They just develop that way for survival. Like kids in an orphanage. Even if it is a wonderful one, they dont get that normal experience of a primary parent who is their ultimate protector. My son called me mama day one and had no problem coming with me. He didn't want to go back to his one and only foster home with a loving older woman who had him from seven months. He only new life in an AA community, even his SW was AA and still he just clung on to me. When we went to a fast food restaurant, he wandered to anyone asking for food, if he needed help with his shoes he would just ask anyone standing near. I was told to make sure the mom role was very clear from day one. To ask others to not hug even for a while (now of course not). but still we follow the rule that everyone has to run things by mom even if people know us well and they know my answer would be yes or fine. He can't have candy unless they tell him to ask mom. If he gets hurt, mom has to clean it and put the bandaid on etc. We did lots of reciprocal bonding things like rubbing lotion on arms (cant do with kids whose sensory issues wont allow) to be gentle and loving etc. If you google attach china you will find a wonderful website that has kids adopted from all over now (it was started by moms who adopted from china but quickly grew to any kids) when I belonged it was a very young site now has grown to be really amazing. they have both a site explaining Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and one you can join with permission because they dont want people on it who are just curious. that part of the site is for people who really do have attachment challenges with their child(ren). Lots of super clingy velcro kids, kids who have huge anger issues, etc. And the parents are very honest about their feelings and the things they have tried. They also talk about school issues---you think schools dont understand more common mental health issues, wow this issue is nearly off their radar except if they have a diagnosis they think of the kids who are so hurt that they start fires and dont have any attachment to people. I have read that some of the kids with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) will do better in a residential/larger group home setting that specializes in Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), just because there is not the pressure to attach. They still have family contact and can focus on doing better in school, etc... and eventually have a good life on their terms. Near us there is a woman (nun) who pushed hard and got a home built for just that purpose. Gave the kids support meeting them at their level of attachment. Interesting theory for kids who really are suffering and can't make progress on the attachment front. [/QUOTE]
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