It's a long, slow process (at least, for me it was) to understand, to really get it, that our sons are addicted, Stands. It hurts too much to acknowledge it to ourselves because if it is true, then we are helpless. When we first considered addiction (thanks to the parents on this site ~ we knew difficult child was using drugs prior to my finding the site, but considered it "recreational"). Anyway, when we first came to believe what we were seeing with our son was the result, not of drug use, but of addiction ~ and there is a difference, a big one ~ we envisioned him to be trapped behind this huge glass wall. We could hear him screaming, we could see everything that was happening to him?
But he could not hear us.
And we could not get in there to help him.
It's a hard, horrible thing for a parent to realize.
Another image that fit for us was that our son had been caught by a crocodile ~ even if we get him out of there, the infection from that filthy, reptilian mouth may still kill him.
And whatever flesh the crocodile stripped away was gone, forever.
So, it is very, very hard to be the parent of a child addicted to drugs.
You are making great strides in understanding what is happening to your son.
When I pray?
It is for strength.
And sometimes, I pray for the ability to continue to believe in my son ~ to continue to believe for him that he can come back from this.
You are doing just fine, Stands.
Acknowledging the nature of the things our addicted children are trapped in is tough.
Keep posting.
I have gained the strength here to face what needed to be faced, and I have learned what words I need to say.
Through the site, I have been able to learn how to help my husband understand, and for both of us, how to survive, how to keep our marriage intact, in the face of this horrible something that happened to our family.
You will make it through this time too, Stands.
It's really hard, though.
Barbara
