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Getting sucked into the vortex
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 425306" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>This is tough. Youngest is living with me again, with her 2 kids, because I was concerned for them. They had nowhere else to go. If she didn't have kids, she would NOT be living here. I struggle with it daily, especially in the beginning when she was so nasty to me despite all I was doing for her. That's gotten better, but I'm still pretty miserable with them here. Sometimes I honestly don't know how I'll survive it.</p><p></p><p>I think you have to do what you can live with. I'd agree with sitting her down and giving her a specific list of expectations and goals.. but you also have to decide what the consequences will be if she doesn't comply with those, and be sure you're going to be able to follow through with those consequences if necessary. Despite my concern for my grandchildren, I decided that if Youngest's attitude didn't change, or if she continued to disrespect my home and me, I'd have to take them to a shelter. It would break my heart to do so.. but I will not be abused. I can't take custody of them, I don't have the strength. My therapist said to me that I have to accept that no matter what I do, her children are likely to have a pretty difficult life, because of the choices Youngest has made. That was really, really hard to hear.. but she's right, I can't save them. I can only do so much. Thankfully, for now, things have gotten better. It's just my own resentment over my loss of freedom and privacy (not to mention money) that I'm struggling with now. </p><p></p><p>I wish you luck.. it's a tough decision.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 425306, member: 1157"] This is tough. Youngest is living with me again, with her 2 kids, because I was concerned for them. They had nowhere else to go. If she didn't have kids, she would NOT be living here. I struggle with it daily, especially in the beginning when she was so nasty to me despite all I was doing for her. That's gotten better, but I'm still pretty miserable with them here. Sometimes I honestly don't know how I'll survive it. I think you have to do what you can live with. I'd agree with sitting her down and giving her a specific list of expectations and goals.. but you also have to decide what the consequences will be if she doesn't comply with those, and be sure you're going to be able to follow through with those consequences if necessary. Despite my concern for my grandchildren, I decided that if Youngest's attitude didn't change, or if she continued to disrespect my home and me, I'd have to take them to a shelter. It would break my heart to do so.. but I will not be abused. I can't take custody of them, I don't have the strength. My therapist said to me that I have to accept that no matter what I do, her children are likely to have a pretty difficult life, because of the choices Youngest has made. That was really, really hard to hear.. but she's right, I can't save them. I can only do so much. Thankfully, for now, things have gotten better. It's just my own resentment over my loss of freedom and privacy (not to mention money) that I'm struggling with now. I wish you luck.. it's a tough decision. [/QUOTE]
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Getting sucked into the vortex
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