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Parent Emeritus
Getting sucked into the vortex
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<blockquote data-quote="HereWeGoAgain" data-source="post: 425721" data-attributes="member: 3485"><p>Regarding contracts, I think they can be useful. They cannot enforce themselves, of course, but some difficult children are masters at making you second guess what you said and sowing doubt as to what precisely expectations were, and at least a piece of paper is unambiguous and incontrovertable and doesn't fade away with time. They can also be useful with third parties - therapists, law enforcement, relatives - for the same purpose (that is, proving what was agreed to, in case of a dispute or a breach), I would think. </p><p> </p><p>The only time we tried a contract was when my parents made a written agreement a condition of letting difficult child live with them - it spelled out the purpose of her stay: temporary room and board while she located a long-term sober house, and consequences: "if you leave without permission, there will be no return". She did leave, and they stuck to the "no return" clause. It shocked her, I think - "You mean you really meant it?" - since she had always been able to talk herself back into our home in the past by making verbal promises, which seemed to be forgotten over time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HereWeGoAgain, post: 425721, member: 3485"] Regarding contracts, I think they can be useful. They cannot enforce themselves, of course, but some difficult children are masters at making you second guess what you said and sowing doubt as to what precisely expectations were, and at least a piece of paper is unambiguous and incontrovertable and doesn't fade away with time. They can also be useful with third parties - therapists, law enforcement, relatives - for the same purpose (that is, proving what was agreed to, in case of a dispute or a breach), I would think. The only time we tried a contract was when my parents made a written agreement a condition of letting difficult child live with them - it spelled out the purpose of her stay: temporary room and board while she located a long-term sober house, and consequences: "if you leave without permission, there will be no return". She did leave, and they stuck to the "no return" clause. It shocked her, I think - "You mean you really meant it?" - since she had always been able to talk herself back into our home in the past by making verbal promises, which seemed to be forgotten over time. [/QUOTE]
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Getting sucked into the vortex
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