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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 759680" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Hi there. You poor thing. At one time in my life I would have bailed out my daughter and made sure she had the best lawyer. She escaped jail narrowly a few times (she should have been arrested but I swear being a pretty female helped her,) and I was already on the phone calling.lawyers.</p><p></p><p>I am neither optimistic or pessimistic. I feel I am able to accept reality. And i share based on my own "whatever it is it is" point of view.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>My daughter is in her 30s and homeless now after we paid to get her out of any consequence she was.looking at. This went on for ten years. We see no progress in her and we are staring at significantly less retirement because we gave so much to her.</p><p></p><p></p><p>It is likely Kay will break the law now and this time end up in jail. We will not bail her out or pay for a lawyer if this happens. She has chosen this path when she had been given so many chances. Having said that, I know about the guilt. Kay is adopted and used that to make us feel that her problems are due.to that. She says she doesn't love us. I believe her. We have no hope for her and maybe we will be wrong. Certainly she has us if she turns it around. But this is unlikely. Kay's accusations that we don't love her like we should because she is adopted bring out grief and guilt in me that have me questioning myself, my life, my God, my very core self. I sure get the guilt. Nar Anon and Therapy have helped me a lot.</p><p></p><p>Since Kay has never taken advantage of our help we no longer are willing to pay her so that I feel less guilty. My husband seems to be able to shrug off Kay's accusations better than I can. He tells me that Kay needs to suffer consequences or she will never change. I have no hope but I think he has a smidgen of hope. And he wants to let her fail. Or not. Up to her.</p><p></p><p>What a rambler I am! I wish I could make it all better and dry your tears. In the end, if God is on your life, it is all up to you and Him. Nobody here has perfect answers, just our experiences.</p><p></p><p>I wish you the best. Hugs and love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 759680, member: 23706"] Hi there. You poor thing. At one time in my life I would have bailed out my daughter and made sure she had the best lawyer. She escaped jail narrowly a few times (she should have been arrested but I swear being a pretty female helped her,) and I was already on the phone calling.lawyers. I am neither optimistic or pessimistic. I feel I am able to accept reality. And i share based on my own "whatever it is it is" point of view. My daughter is in her 30s and homeless now after we paid to get her out of any consequence she was.looking at. This went on for ten years. We see no progress in her and we are staring at significantly less retirement because we gave so much to her. It is likely Kay will break the law now and this time end up in jail. We will not bail her out or pay for a lawyer if this happens. She has chosen this path when she had been given so many chances. Having said that, I know about the guilt. Kay is adopted and used that to make us feel that her problems are due.to that. She says she doesn't love us. I believe her. We have no hope for her and maybe we will be wrong. Certainly she has us if she turns it around. But this is unlikely. Kay's accusations that we don't love her like we should because she is adopted bring out grief and guilt in me that have me questioning myself, my life, my God, my very core self. I sure get the guilt. Nar Anon and Therapy have helped me a lot. Since Kay has never taken advantage of our help we no longer are willing to pay her so that I feel less guilty. My husband seems to be able to shrug off Kay's accusations better than I can. He tells me that Kay needs to suffer consequences or she will never change. I have no hope but I think he has a smidgen of hope. And he wants to let her fail. Or not. Up to her. What a rambler I am! I wish I could make it all better and dry your tears. In the end, if God is on your life, it is all up to you and Him. Nobody here has perfect answers, just our experiences. I wish you the best. Hugs and love. [/QUOTE]
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