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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 258283" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Welcome, Profchaos.</p><p> </p><p>My son is on the spectrum. The behaviors you have described are VERY similar to what I see in my son, except that we have put in place lots of interventions and have made a lot of progress.</p><p>I am wondering why you doubt that he has Aspgerger's. The symptoms and signs you have described fit to a T.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, it is disappointing, because it seems like they (Aspies) are lazy and selfish, on the face of it. But once you understand what's going on, it will all fall into place.</p><p>Many Aspies excel at something--and as you have pointed out, your son is creative. Go for it! Sign him up for every class you can think of that relates to his strong points. Exploit those strong points to the hilt. That is where you son will succeed.</p><p> </p><p>Two things that jumped out at me from your post were lack of hygiene and lack of eye contact. </p><p> </p><p>We had to teach our son eye contact. We also had our therapist help out. He would talk to our son and if our difficult child looked down or away, (especially if it was an embarrassing or stressful topic, which is natural) the therapist would raise two fingers, point them at his own eyes, and say, "Eyeballs. Pay attention." We do the same thing, "Eyeballs," and then when he looks at us, we say, "Thank you." </p><p>He is more likely to look at you and your family than at strangers. It takes yrs of practice and it can be done.</p><p> </p><p>In regard to hygiene, we've had many battles over that, especially when my son hit puberty. (As he comically points out, by holding his noise and yelling "P-U-berty!")</p><p>I finally resorted to emailing the teacher and principal and they called him into their office. They offered to talk to him as much as he needed, as they weren't thrilled with-the b.o., either! He came home and got on my case for embarrassing him, which made me happy--that he was actually embarrassed!!!! That was a first for him. </p><p>Now, I bribe him, in a way. I put "take a shower" on his list of chores, and until he washes thoroughly--he'd sneak in and wet his hair and think I wouldn't notice--he doesn't get his PS2 controllers or mouse back. </p><p>When you institute something like this, expect an explosion. Just walk away and don't take it personally. Time after time, once you and he get into the routine, he will learn that you mean biz.</p><p>When he finally takes a shower with-o a fuss, then reward him with-an extra 15 min. of game time.</p><p>Clearly, he likes video games, and that is a powerful tool that you have at your disposal!</p><p>Do not take away the controller while he is in the middle of a game. I always take them away when he's at school, or get him to relinquish them at night b4 he goes to bed.</p><p> </p><p>One other thing that caught my attention was the fact that your son is cryptorchid. We have a collie that was and I've known a few humans who were. The surgery is very important, as the testicles can adhere to the bladder or other organs and it can be dangerous. I would make sure you have done several ultrasounds and that the dr doesn't seen any encroachment.</p><p> </p><p>I agree with-busywend, know in your heart that you love your son, that you respect your ex, and this visit will be a good change for both of them. Just take a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other.</p><p> </p><p>And read lots of books on Asperger's.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 258283, member: 3419"] Welcome, Profchaos. My son is on the spectrum. The behaviors you have described are VERY similar to what I see in my son, except that we have put in place lots of interventions and have made a lot of progress. I am wondering why you doubt that he has Aspgerger's. The symptoms and signs you have described fit to a T. Yes, it is disappointing, because it seems like they (Aspies) are lazy and selfish, on the face of it. But once you understand what's going on, it will all fall into place. Many Aspies excel at something--and as you have pointed out, your son is creative. Go for it! Sign him up for every class you can think of that relates to his strong points. Exploit those strong points to the hilt. That is where you son will succeed. Two things that jumped out at me from your post were lack of hygiene and lack of eye contact. We had to teach our son eye contact. We also had our therapist help out. He would talk to our son and if our difficult child looked down or away, (especially if it was an embarrassing or stressful topic, which is natural) the therapist would raise two fingers, point them at his own eyes, and say, "Eyeballs. Pay attention." We do the same thing, "Eyeballs," and then when he looks at us, we say, "Thank you." He is more likely to look at you and your family than at strangers. It takes yrs of practice and it can be done. In regard to hygiene, we've had many battles over that, especially when my son hit puberty. (As he comically points out, by holding his noise and yelling "P-U-berty!") I finally resorted to emailing the teacher and principal and they called him into their office. They offered to talk to him as much as he needed, as they weren't thrilled with-the b.o., either! He came home and got on my case for embarrassing him, which made me happy--that he was actually embarrassed!!!! That was a first for him. Now, I bribe him, in a way. I put "take a shower" on his list of chores, and until he washes thoroughly--he'd sneak in and wet his hair and think I wouldn't notice--he doesn't get his PS2 controllers or mouse back. When you institute something like this, expect an explosion. Just walk away and don't take it personally. Time after time, once you and he get into the routine, he will learn that you mean biz. When he finally takes a shower with-o a fuss, then reward him with-an extra 15 min. of game time. Clearly, he likes video games, and that is a powerful tool that you have at your disposal! Do not take away the controller while he is in the middle of a game. I always take them away when he's at school, or get him to relinquish them at night b4 he goes to bed. One other thing that caught my attention was the fact that your son is cryptorchid. We have a collie that was and I've known a few humans who were. The surgery is very important, as the testicles can adhere to the bladder or other organs and it can be dangerous. I would make sure you have done several ultrasounds and that the dr doesn't seen any encroachment. I agree with-busywend, know in your heart that you love your son, that you respect your ex, and this visit will be a good change for both of them. Just take a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other. And read lots of books on Asperger's. [/QUOTE]
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