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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 258336" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I just want to add that most Aspies are NOT really high IQ kids. Some are, many have average IQs and some end up with jobs and some independence, some even marry, but many others never do and we have to accept them as they are. I am starting to think that for the forseeable future somebody will have to tell my son to shower. It's not that he doesn't know he should or that he doesn't know it makes him smell bad not to shower--he's smart enough to know that--it's because his brain is wired differently and he doesn't CARE if he smells bad (or if others do). He'll even take smelly shirts that haven't been washed and put them on because he doesn't care--I have to constantly make sure he is wearing his clean shirts and putting his dirty shirts in the wash. I have to watch him put on deoderant. He doesn't like the way it feels (sticky he says). Aspies tend to have sensory issues so they don't like certain things that others don't think twice about such as the smell or feel of deoderant or water rushing at him from the shower or certain food textures or materials. It isn't deliberate. It can be downright painful for an Aspie to be touched the wrong way because they are so sensitive. </p><p></p><p>I have asked my son about eye contact. He says "Eyes are gross." This is a typical Aspie answer. There is a site called Wrong Planet for Aspies and most are grown. I believe it's under construction, but you can try looking for it in your search engine. Maybe it's back up. It's an excellent sight. I also think it would be helpful to read books about teenage Aspergers. </p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, nothing could be worse for an Aspie, who like consistency and loathe change and don't do WELL with change, than to have stepfamlies and have to go from house to house. I think that would make my son regress if he had to do that. Spectrum kids like things to stay the same and all that shuffling around is probably very upsetting to him. It is probably more the fact that there are now new significant others and new siblings and three families that he visits that is causing his discomfort than that the stepfather is gone. These kids, through no fault of their own, do not do well in chaotic situations. Even the most typical kids have trouble adjusting to confusing family dynamics, but they can. Aspies really thrive on consistency and sameness. Maybe less changing of caregivers and homes would benefit your son. Although I'm sure everyone loves him and wants to see him, it may be best if he doesn't have to do so many visitations that often. That can drive him right into his shell.</p><p>Good luck. You sound like a very caring man who identifies with your son. Do you think that perhaps you have mild Aspergers too?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 258336, member: 1550"] I just want to add that most Aspies are NOT really high IQ kids. Some are, many have average IQs and some end up with jobs and some independence, some even marry, but many others never do and we have to accept them as they are. I am starting to think that for the forseeable future somebody will have to tell my son to shower. It's not that he doesn't know he should or that he doesn't know it makes him smell bad not to shower--he's smart enough to know that--it's because his brain is wired differently and he doesn't CARE if he smells bad (or if others do). He'll even take smelly shirts that haven't been washed and put them on because he doesn't care--I have to constantly make sure he is wearing his clean shirts and putting his dirty shirts in the wash. I have to watch him put on deoderant. He doesn't like the way it feels (sticky he says). Aspies tend to have sensory issues so they don't like certain things that others don't think twice about such as the smell or feel of deoderant or water rushing at him from the shower or certain food textures or materials. It isn't deliberate. It can be downright painful for an Aspie to be touched the wrong way because they are so sensitive. I have asked my son about eye contact. He says "Eyes are gross." This is a typical Aspie answer. There is a site called Wrong Planet for Aspies and most are grown. I believe it's under construction, but you can try looking for it in your search engine. Maybe it's back up. It's an excellent sight. I also think it would be helpful to read books about teenage Aspergers. Unfortunately, nothing could be worse for an Aspie, who like consistency and loathe change and don't do WELL with change, than to have stepfamlies and have to go from house to house. I think that would make my son regress if he had to do that. Spectrum kids like things to stay the same and all that shuffling around is probably very upsetting to him. It is probably more the fact that there are now new significant others and new siblings and three families that he visits that is causing his discomfort than that the stepfather is gone. These kids, through no fault of their own, do not do well in chaotic situations. Even the most typical kids have trouble adjusting to confusing family dynamics, but they can. Aspies really thrive on consistency and sameness. Maybe less changing of caregivers and homes would benefit your son. Although I'm sure everyone loves him and wants to see him, it may be best if he doesn't have to do so many visitations that often. That can drive him right into his shell. Good luck. You sound like a very caring man who identifies with your son. Do you think that perhaps you have mild Aspergers too? [/QUOTE]
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