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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 258519" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I'm with the others here also, although again I just checked in on the fly.</p><p></p><p>Your son IS different. The book I recommended - you can use the same techniques with "normal" kids, so your son needn't be seeming to be handled differently. But the way most people handle the average kid, to increase the firmness/stgrictness andcontrol when the kid is giving you trouble, is exactly the opposite of what is needed here.</p><p></p><p>These kids are wired differently. I have had to give this very serious thought, I also started out wanting to make my child as normal as possible. But where we havecome to now, after many years (check my sig, you will see what we have been dealing with) - our boys have been taught that their brain works differently but is still cpaable of getting to the same place. Because both boys are computer-capable (extremely, with difficult child 3) I explained it in computer terms. I told them that the printout off the computer, of a text file, cannot tell you if the original file was typed up on a Mac or on a easy child. It's just as quick and easy to do it on either. But the operating instructions that have to be programmed into each computer are very different. If you try to operate a easy child using Mac software then you will have a lot of difficulty. They are very different computers but over time, have had software carefully written for them, that help them SEEM to be very similar. I then told my boys, "Some people have Mac brains while other people have easy child brains."</p><p>I did not say which was wich, not did I say one was better than the other. They already know that overall, Macs are fabulous at some things, but in other areas a easy child is perhaps a more valuable choice.</p><p></p><p>In the same way, some people are wonderful artists, writers and singers. Others are brilliant mathematicians. Still more people are good, honest, hardworking people who enjoy a good and productive life doing what they enjoy and do best.</p><p></p><p>Autism is an explanation. It can never be an excuse because there is always another way (or more than one way) to resolve a problem.</p><p></p><p>Our boys know they are on the spectrum andalso know I won't tolerate excuses. They see themselves as of value BECAUSE of teir autism - difficult child 1's recent job that he held for almost a year before the recession lost him the job, had him highly valued by his boss for the very characteristics that are classic in autism. He was meticulous almost to obsession about ensuring a perfect finish on the furniture the company was making, but also fast and efficient with it (once he learned what to do). He was scrupulously honest with the boss, and hardworking (because to not be so with the man who was paying him, was not honest).</p><p></p><p>Another author to read - Tony Attwood. He speaks highly of the positive qualities of people on the spectrum especially those with Asperger's.</p><p></p><p>Your aim as a parent is to produce a happy, integrated, functioning and productive adult capable of living independently. The way you get there with THIS child will probably need to be somewhat different, to how other people parent.</p><p></p><p>Using the TV as babysitter may not have been such a bad thing - for THIS child. I'll have to explain later - I'm out of time.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there, there are some useful answers coming up. You have some good ideas and you obviously love your son and wnat him to blend in as "normal". It might surprise you to realise (or it might not) that YOUR SON is probably actively working towards the same goal.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 258519, member: 1991"] I'm with the others here also, although again I just checked in on the fly. Your son IS different. The book I recommended - you can use the same techniques with "normal" kids, so your son needn't be seeming to be handled differently. But the way most people handle the average kid, to increase the firmness/stgrictness andcontrol when the kid is giving you trouble, is exactly the opposite of what is needed here. These kids are wired differently. I have had to give this very serious thought, I also started out wanting to make my child as normal as possible. But where we havecome to now, after many years (check my sig, you will see what we have been dealing with) - our boys have been taught that their brain works differently but is still cpaable of getting to the same place. Because both boys are computer-capable (extremely, with difficult child 3) I explained it in computer terms. I told them that the printout off the computer, of a text file, cannot tell you if the original file was typed up on a Mac or on a easy child. It's just as quick and easy to do it on either. But the operating instructions that have to be programmed into each computer are very different. If you try to operate a easy child using Mac software then you will have a lot of difficulty. They are very different computers but over time, have had software carefully written for them, that help them SEEM to be very similar. I then told my boys, "Some people have Mac brains while other people have easy child brains." I did not say which was wich, not did I say one was better than the other. They already know that overall, Macs are fabulous at some things, but in other areas a easy child is perhaps a more valuable choice. In the same way, some people are wonderful artists, writers and singers. Others are brilliant mathematicians. Still more people are good, honest, hardworking people who enjoy a good and productive life doing what they enjoy and do best. Autism is an explanation. It can never be an excuse because there is always another way (or more than one way) to resolve a problem. Our boys know they are on the spectrum andalso know I won't tolerate excuses. They see themselves as of value BECAUSE of teir autism - difficult child 1's recent job that he held for almost a year before the recession lost him the job, had him highly valued by his boss for the very characteristics that are classic in autism. He was meticulous almost to obsession about ensuring a perfect finish on the furniture the company was making, but also fast and efficient with it (once he learned what to do). He was scrupulously honest with the boss, and hardworking (because to not be so with the man who was paying him, was not honest). Another author to read - Tony Attwood. He speaks highly of the positive qualities of people on the spectrum especially those with Asperger's. Your aim as a parent is to produce a happy, integrated, functioning and productive adult capable of living independently. The way you get there with THIS child will probably need to be somewhat different, to how other people parent. Using the TV as babysitter may not have been such a bad thing - for THIS child. I'll have to explain later - I'm out of time. Hang in there, there are some useful answers coming up. You have some good ideas and you obviously love your son and wnat him to blend in as "normal". It might surprise you to realise (or it might not) that YOUR SON is probably actively working towards the same goal. Marg [/QUOTE]
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