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Good article on myths of adopted children
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 221499" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Interesting article, isn't it? This is what I tend to agree with, from what I've seen (taking into considertion that a good portion of birth children are also big problems).</p><p>Children who are adopted at birth from physically and mentally healthy birthmothers who took good prenatal care of themselves are probably doing fine. I knew several adopted kids growing up and none of them were any worse than the rest of us...lol. However, the trend now is to keep the baby, even when born to a teenager. Therefore, the infants available for adoption tend to come from very unstable teens who may NOT have taken such good care of themselves. Maybe they drank and smoked and didn't tell us. Lots of them have mental health issues themselves, which, of course, are hereditary. It is now the norm, not the exception, that an adopted child is special needs (or from special needs birthparents). My youngest daughter, who I worry about so much (because I'm a nervous ninny) is my best adjusted child, even though I have a birthchild. My most intelligent child came at age six and it was too late for him. Although he didn't get into trouble and overcompensated for feeling like a nobody (and his culture says that if you have no "name" you are a nobody)--he never really attached to us. He was bright enough to articulate that he felt detached from everybody. We don't see him now. It's sad, but, when you think about it, this does make some sense. We didn't have him for his formative years and nobody nurtured him. He grew up in an orphanage. Before he got overly religious and married The Woman from Hell (my nickname for her...lol), he had told me many times "You didn't mold me. I wasn't here for my formative years."</p><p>My Korean daughter came at age five months and her foster mother had carried her on her back and spoiled her. She had problems (she was my druggie), but I truly think it she was sensitive and insecure by nature. She'd always been that way. Plus her dad and I divorced when she was ten and that made a huge impact on her. She is very bonded to both of us, and is doing well as a young adult...so who knows. My Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son is doing super. We got him at two. I think he lucked out--his first foster family was wonderful so he got a lot of love and nurturing. However, he has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)...lol. His birthmother took drugs and he was born with crack in his system.</p><p>All in all, I think adoptees have changed. In the 1950's if you were mentally and physically healthy and got pregnant, you went to your "aunt" for a while then came back after the baby had been relinquished. It wasn't even up for discussion. You did not keep the baby. Nowadays only the least stable parents give their children up for adoption...or else unstable parents have their parental rights terminated. The result is more unstable adopted kids. </p><p>I do also think many therapists tend to hear "adopted" and almost react like a soap opera character. "She has a problem and she's adopted? Aha! Has to be the reason why!" And I think sometimes they get fixated on that issue. </p><p>Anyway, just my .02 worth of garbage <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 221499, member: 1550"] Interesting article, isn't it? This is what I tend to agree with, from what I've seen (taking into considertion that a good portion of birth children are also big problems). Children who are adopted at birth from physically and mentally healthy birthmothers who took good prenatal care of themselves are probably doing fine. I knew several adopted kids growing up and none of them were any worse than the rest of us...lol. However, the trend now is to keep the baby, even when born to a teenager. Therefore, the infants available for adoption tend to come from very unstable teens who may NOT have taken such good care of themselves. Maybe they drank and smoked and didn't tell us. Lots of them have mental health issues themselves, which, of course, are hereditary. It is now the norm, not the exception, that an adopted child is special needs (or from special needs birthparents). My youngest daughter, who I worry about so much (because I'm a nervous ninny) is my best adjusted child, even though I have a birthchild. My most intelligent child came at age six and it was too late for him. Although he didn't get into trouble and overcompensated for feeling like a nobody (and his culture says that if you have no "name" you are a nobody)--he never really attached to us. He was bright enough to articulate that he felt detached from everybody. We don't see him now. It's sad, but, when you think about it, this does make some sense. We didn't have him for his formative years and nobody nurtured him. He grew up in an orphanage. Before he got overly religious and married The Woman from Hell (my nickname for her...lol), he had told me many times "You didn't mold me. I wasn't here for my formative years." My Korean daughter came at age five months and her foster mother had carried her on her back and spoiled her. She had problems (she was my druggie), but I truly think it she was sensitive and insecure by nature. She'd always been that way. Plus her dad and I divorced when she was ten and that made a huge impact on her. She is very bonded to both of us, and is doing well as a young adult...so who knows. My Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son is doing super. We got him at two. I think he lucked out--his first foster family was wonderful so he got a lot of love and nurturing. However, he has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)...lol. His birthmother took drugs and he was born with crack in his system. All in all, I think adoptees have changed. In the 1950's if you were mentally and physically healthy and got pregnant, you went to your "aunt" for a while then came back after the baby had been relinquished. It wasn't even up for discussion. You did not keep the baby. Nowadays only the least stable parents give their children up for adoption...or else unstable parents have their parental rights terminated. The result is more unstable adopted kids. I do also think many therapists tend to hear "adopted" and almost react like a soap opera character. "She has a problem and she's adopted? Aha! Has to be the reason why!" And I think sometimes they get fixated on that issue. Anyway, just my .02 worth of garbage ;) [/QUOTE]
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Good article on myths of adopted children
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