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Good article on myths of adopted children
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 221628" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Sorry to scare you, MWM. I was just very busy yesterday/last night as well as very tired.</p><p></p><p>Good point about the special needs adoptions. I fully agree about the "best" schools - I think the boy was confused enough with the drastic change in his fortunes, he had no frame of reference for "normal".</p><p></p><p>Interestingly, I don't think, in the long run, any of them had attachment issues except maybe my niece (I think her 'neediness' was attachment-related, but it was almost an over-reaction and freezing out of the other kids, I mentally called it 'cuckoo syndrome'). But she is still very close to her adoptive mother and even to a certain extent her ratbag of a father, despite his appalling treatment of her and constant 'using' of her willingness to help him. </p><p></p><p>Actually, given the history of these three kids as well as the problems I've read here in similar cases, I'm amazed that there weren't more problems with attachment.</p><p></p><p>I think things worked better for my sister's kids because the kids went into a poorer family, it was more realistic, the kids were less cushioned from the sort of life they'd have had anyway. Instead of "little Lord Fauntleroy" my sister's kids were barefoot in the dirt making mud pies (right alongside me, an aunty enjoying the mud pie scene also). When my friend's brother was riding his expensive bike and being given whatever he asked for, my sister's boys were collecting dead beetles in matchboxes. Don't get me wrong - the boy was given a lot of the right sort of attention as well as a great deal of love - it's just that I don't think he ever really learned what was normal, and he always expected the world to give him whatever he wanted, to get it easily. Because that was what they accidentally taught him - orphanage is only a temporary stopping-place, life with his adopted family was how it should be for everyone. Only it isn't. He never really understood that.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 221628, member: 1991"] Sorry to scare you, MWM. I was just very busy yesterday/last night as well as very tired. Good point about the special needs adoptions. I fully agree about the "best" schools - I think the boy was confused enough with the drastic change in his fortunes, he had no frame of reference for "normal". Interestingly, I don't think, in the long run, any of them had attachment issues except maybe my niece (I think her 'neediness' was attachment-related, but it was almost an over-reaction and freezing out of the other kids, I mentally called it 'cuckoo syndrome'). But she is still very close to her adoptive mother and even to a certain extent her ratbag of a father, despite his appalling treatment of her and constant 'using' of her willingness to help him. Actually, given the history of these three kids as well as the problems I've read here in similar cases, I'm amazed that there weren't more problems with attachment. I think things worked better for my sister's kids because the kids went into a poorer family, it was more realistic, the kids were less cushioned from the sort of life they'd have had anyway. Instead of "little Lord Fauntleroy" my sister's kids were barefoot in the dirt making mud pies (right alongside me, an aunty enjoying the mud pie scene also). When my friend's brother was riding his expensive bike and being given whatever he asked for, my sister's boys were collecting dead beetles in matchboxes. Don't get me wrong - the boy was given a lot of the right sort of attention as well as a great deal of love - it's just that I don't think he ever really learned what was normal, and he always expected the world to give him whatever he wanted, to get it easily. Because that was what they accidentally taught him - orphanage is only a temporary stopping-place, life with his adopted family was how it should be for everyone. Only it isn't. He never really understood that. Marg [/QUOTE]
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Good article on myths of adopted children
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