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<blockquote data-quote="SRL" data-source="post: 73335" data-attributes="member: 701"><p>Thanks everyone for your thoughts and suggestions. I don't know yet how I'm going to tackle this but you've given me a lot to think about. I have decided before taking any steps I need to do more observation to see exactly what is going on in our interactions. I've also been thinking more about whether to talk to him about his diagnosis or not--he's so much closer to a "normal" kid than one with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) these days that we've not. My heart tells me it would be counterproductive and that he's done well with us addressing his issues just as we would the weaknesses of any of our other children. </p><p></p><p>One interesting note since I first posted: I realized that the moment the words "It's not my fault!" fly out of his mouth in that rapidly spoken self righteous tone, it's almost as if it's a self trigger for a downward spiral. The more he repeats it, the faster he goes down the tubes and the more frustrated he becomes. I decided to try humor and teased him about it and the other day he actually stopped himself in midsentence and the conflict was avoided. Something there "took" when all of my other attempts failed to convince him his reasoning was off. </p><p></p><p>Fran, your comment "His decisions are justified even if the reality tells him he is wrong." is what STILL blows me away even after seeing it in action for all of these years. This egocentric, rigid thinking mindset seems to be at the root of most of his conflicts. To be perfectly fair I know grown neurotypical males who are exactly the same way, but not necessarily as dysfunctional as they aren't weighed down with all the other issues our difficult child's are. How far he can go with this remains to be seen but I see this flexibility/inflexibility as key.</p><p></p><p>Thanks again everyone. I'm going to reread this thread, check out the books, and take a step back to think and observe before acting. Maybe he'll make a quantum leap during that time...ha, ha, ha...wishful thinking going into the teen years, I know. :reading:</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SRL, post: 73335, member: 701"] Thanks everyone for your thoughts and suggestions. I don't know yet how I'm going to tackle this but you've given me a lot to think about. I have decided before taking any steps I need to do more observation to see exactly what is going on in our interactions. I've also been thinking more about whether to talk to him about his diagnosis or not--he's so much closer to a "normal" kid than one with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) these days that we've not. My heart tells me it would be counterproductive and that he's done well with us addressing his issues just as we would the weaknesses of any of our other children. One interesting note since I first posted: I realized that the moment the words "It's not my fault!" fly out of his mouth in that rapidly spoken self righteous tone, it's almost as if it's a self trigger for a downward spiral. The more he repeats it, the faster he goes down the tubes and the more frustrated he becomes. I decided to try humor and teased him about it and the other day he actually stopped himself in midsentence and the conflict was avoided. Something there "took" when all of my other attempts failed to convince him his reasoning was off. Fran, your comment "His decisions are justified even if the reality tells him he is wrong." is what STILL blows me away even after seeing it in action for all of these years. This egocentric, rigid thinking mindset seems to be at the root of most of his conflicts. To be perfectly fair I know grown neurotypical males who are exactly the same way, but not necessarily as dysfunctional as they aren't weighed down with all the other issues our difficult child's are. How far he can go with this remains to be seen but I see this flexibility/inflexibility as key. Thanks again everyone. I'm going to reread this thread, check out the books, and take a step back to think and observe before acting. Maybe he'll make a quantum leap during that time...ha, ha, ha...wishful thinking going into the teen years, I know. [img]:reading:[/img] [/QUOTE]
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