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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 327964" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Hmm. I'm leaning more towards my original impression, that this therapist is trying to use the move as an excuse to not take any clients with her.</p><p></p><p>It's not you, it's her. Because you've bent overbackwards to make this possible, but still obstacles keep getting thrown up. Stupid obstacles, silly bureaucracies, petty issues. You knock then down, more turn up.</p><p></p><p>I would choose now to begin looking elsewhere. Because I suspect if these problems get solved, more will materialise.</p><p></p><p>I've sen this sort of thing before. Most recently, it was during the making of a certain film which happened to have a lot of autistic kids in it (the segment in which our kids were involved). The bulk of the kids in this segment were either on the point of graduating from high school or just graduated. All were good kids. The production people had hired a Special Education teacher to work with these kids (difficult child 3 especially) who was a lovely lady, very kind (however, I still had to be very hands-on with difficult child 3, this lady was doing the wrong things sometimes and trying to soothe him down when really, what he needed was an explanation).</p><p>As we wrapped up filming, everybody was swapping phone numbers. But this lady said, "I can't allow any further contact, it's because I am generally working for the education department and I can't have social contact with any student who is likely to need my services professionally."</p><p>She was very regretful, extremely apologetic, saying things like, "if only..." and we all took this at face value. But she forgot, she was talking to a lot of parents who have had GREAT experience with the way aide support works in our schools. Also, with kids who were never ever going to be in a setting where she was ever gonig to have professional contact with them - most of them had graduated out of any such likelihood. And we knew she was making excuses. It was a sham - she simply wanted to ensure that all contact was cut off. She'll work with these kids when paid to do so but otherwise, that is it. I have since quietly asked official education department rulings on this and I was right, it was all a smokescreen, there is no such rule.</p><p></p><p>It's like doctors I've known (and other health professionals, but doctors especially) who do their utmost to avoid ALL social contact with anyone who has ever been in the "patient" category. I've attended medical conferences (slipping into the health professional category due to my qualifications) when the advertised attraction to doctors attending was, "professionals only". Why do they need this? Because socially, doctors can be paranoid. They like to know they will have a safety zone around them, that they can talk more freely to others present, that nobody is going to go up to them and start trying for an armchair consultation. The thing is, most people know better. Many doctors put up with it or have their own methods of handlnig that when it does arise. But too many professioanls especially in the health industry and even more especially, in the mental health business, go to extreme lengths to pick and choose who they will see and who they will not. Not just professionally, but socially. They biud huge buffer zones around themselves and if they decide to cut someone off (socially or professionally) they have perfected a number of ways. It was funny seeing how some doctors reacgted to my presence at the last such conference I attended - one doctor came up to me to discuss an article he had written which he wanted me to publish; he was the one who buttonholed me, but within minutes another doctor came up to the two of us and began talking to the doctor who had approached me. Doctor No 2 then briefly turned to me and said, "Do you mind? This is private." (hard to be private when you're all standing at the buffet getting lunch! But I recognised that I had been dismissed!)</p><p>It had all the hallmarks of a doctor rescuing a colleague from an interloper. Really bizarre. Doctor No 1 didn't get a chance to get back to me until the conference was almost over. Meanwhile I had no trouble approaching and interviewing any number of other doctors present.</p><p></p><p>In the example I gave of the woman paid to work with the kids (difficult child 3 especially) - she was lovely, she was kind, she and the kids had fun together, we all enjoyed chatting together. We helped her, she helped us. No conflict at all. But she grabbed the chance to cut off all contact when really, there were no rules or guidelines she would have been breaking. Because if such a rule existed, then way back when difficult child 3 was starting school, we would have had to invoke that rule. All difficult child 3's aides have been people we know socially, and his last aide has become a good friend who we often make social contact with. I know where all of them live.</p><p>I also know where the aide in question lives, who doesn't want any contact. She doesn't know it, but I have her address and phone number because someone inadvertently emailed me a cast/crew list (so I have some other interesting addresses too). But I am happy to respect the request for no contact, even if it was given in what I consider a dishonest way.</p><p></p><p>In my experience, the profession you can trust least to handle this sort of thing honestly, are the tdocs. Medical doctors come in a very close second. I've known a few tdocs and the younger ones especially do seem to be the most sane and least paranoid, but there are still a lot of very strange, unstable and paranoid people practising in that profession.</p><p></p><p>So don't take it personally from her. But I think it's time to stop trying, you're expending energy that she is sabotaging.</p><p></p><p>You could ask her point blank, "Is all this for real, or is this your way of trying to extricate yourself from old clients? It's OK if you are actually trying for a fresh start, but I do need to know. Please let me know so I can make some decisions based on sound information. I need to expend my energies effectively and not have my efforts wasted - if I am trying to do something in ensuring continuity of your services when you actually would rather I didn't, then tell me now."</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 327964, member: 1991"] Hmm. I'm leaning more towards my original impression, that this therapist is trying to use the move as an excuse to not take any clients with her. It's not you, it's her. Because you've bent overbackwards to make this possible, but still obstacles keep getting thrown up. Stupid obstacles, silly bureaucracies, petty issues. You knock then down, more turn up. I would choose now to begin looking elsewhere. Because I suspect if these problems get solved, more will materialise. I've sen this sort of thing before. Most recently, it was during the making of a certain film which happened to have a lot of autistic kids in it (the segment in which our kids were involved). The bulk of the kids in this segment were either on the point of graduating from high school or just graduated. All were good kids. The production people had hired a Special Education teacher to work with these kids (difficult child 3 especially) who was a lovely lady, very kind (however, I still had to be very hands-on with difficult child 3, this lady was doing the wrong things sometimes and trying to soothe him down when really, what he needed was an explanation). As we wrapped up filming, everybody was swapping phone numbers. But this lady said, "I can't allow any further contact, it's because I am generally working for the education department and I can't have social contact with any student who is likely to need my services professionally." She was very regretful, extremely apologetic, saying things like, "if only..." and we all took this at face value. But she forgot, she was talking to a lot of parents who have had GREAT experience with the way aide support works in our schools. Also, with kids who were never ever going to be in a setting where she was ever gonig to have professional contact with them - most of them had graduated out of any such likelihood. And we knew she was making excuses. It was a sham - she simply wanted to ensure that all contact was cut off. She'll work with these kids when paid to do so but otherwise, that is it. I have since quietly asked official education department rulings on this and I was right, it was all a smokescreen, there is no such rule. It's like doctors I've known (and other health professionals, but doctors especially) who do their utmost to avoid ALL social contact with anyone who has ever been in the "patient" category. I've attended medical conferences (slipping into the health professional category due to my qualifications) when the advertised attraction to doctors attending was, "professionals only". Why do they need this? Because socially, doctors can be paranoid. They like to know they will have a safety zone around them, that they can talk more freely to others present, that nobody is going to go up to them and start trying for an armchair consultation. The thing is, most people know better. Many doctors put up with it or have their own methods of handlnig that when it does arise. But too many professioanls especially in the health industry and even more especially, in the mental health business, go to extreme lengths to pick and choose who they will see and who they will not. Not just professionally, but socially. They biud huge buffer zones around themselves and if they decide to cut someone off (socially or professionally) they have perfected a number of ways. It was funny seeing how some doctors reacgted to my presence at the last such conference I attended - one doctor came up to me to discuss an article he had written which he wanted me to publish; he was the one who buttonholed me, but within minutes another doctor came up to the two of us and began talking to the doctor who had approached me. Doctor No 2 then briefly turned to me and said, "Do you mind? This is private." (hard to be private when you're all standing at the buffet getting lunch! But I recognised that I had been dismissed!) It had all the hallmarks of a doctor rescuing a colleague from an interloper. Really bizarre. Doctor No 1 didn't get a chance to get back to me until the conference was almost over. Meanwhile I had no trouble approaching and interviewing any number of other doctors present. In the example I gave of the woman paid to work with the kids (difficult child 3 especially) - she was lovely, she was kind, she and the kids had fun together, we all enjoyed chatting together. We helped her, she helped us. No conflict at all. But she grabbed the chance to cut off all contact when really, there were no rules or guidelines she would have been breaking. Because if such a rule existed, then way back when difficult child 3 was starting school, we would have had to invoke that rule. All difficult child 3's aides have been people we know socially, and his last aide has become a good friend who we often make social contact with. I know where all of them live. I also know where the aide in question lives, who doesn't want any contact. She doesn't know it, but I have her address and phone number because someone inadvertently emailed me a cast/crew list (so I have some other interesting addresses too). But I am happy to respect the request for no contact, even if it was given in what I consider a dishonest way. In my experience, the profession you can trust least to handle this sort of thing honestly, are the tdocs. Medical doctors come in a very close second. I've known a few tdocs and the younger ones especially do seem to be the most sane and least paranoid, but there are still a lot of very strange, unstable and paranoid people practising in that profession. So don't take it personally from her. But I think it's time to stop trying, you're expending energy that she is sabotaging. You could ask her point blank, "Is all this for real, or is this your way of trying to extricate yourself from old clients? It's OK if you are actually trying for a fresh start, but I do need to know. Please let me know so I can make some decisions based on sound information. I need to expend my energies effectively and not have my efforts wasted - if I am trying to do something in ensuring continuity of your services when you actually would rather I didn't, then tell me now." Marg [/QUOTE]
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