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Gotta love their BLUNTNES!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 393651" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>At church today I had a long conversation with a man my age who has just been confirmed as having Asperger's. His therapist has told him that in his experience, adults his age with Asperger's generally have adapted and are coping, with one exception - sensory issues (plus some processing issues). The sensory stuff stays with them through life and they need to find ways to cope. With my friend, he has problems listening to people eat and drink, especially slurping coffee or tea.</p><p></p><p>Sensory problems are very big and very real, for those who suffer. If the person also lacks social skills, then you will get the scenario you describe. What the staff need to do (other than sucking on mints!) is to model the right way to behave for him. "I'm sorry that my coffee breath is a problem for you, but there is a more polite way to say it. How about next time you say to me, "Please can you give me a little more space? You have been drinking coffee and I can smell it on you, I can't handle the smell of coffee."</p><p></p><p>He needs to learn to handle his problem more diplomatically. But think about it - the staff are not responding with diplomacy, so how can he ever learn it? Of course he needs to learn to put up with coffee breath. But he also has sensory issues in there. He needs to find ways of ensuring his own needs are met, and he will learn to get more of what he wants, if he is nice about it. But it will take some positive experiences (doing the right thing and getting a win) in order to learn.</p><p></p><p>So make it clear to the school - yes, he needs to learn to be polite. But they have to help teach him constructively, and not with punishment. And in the meantime, they also need to recognise the validity of his sensory problems, and not breathe coffee all over him!</p><p></p><p>If you have trouble making the staff understand this, ask each staff member what he really hates, what really gets his hackles up. Is the teacher afraid of spiders? Is the teacher really upset by the sound of scraping fingernails on a blackboard? Then ask the teacher how he would feel, if a staff member always got his attention every time, by scraping fingernails down a blackboard. He might tolerate it the first time, but if it kept happening over and over, your tolerance wears very thin and eventually you would erupt.</p><p></p><p>As with our difficult children, sometimes teachers need to have a situation made personally relevant, before they understand.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 393651, member: 1991"] At church today I had a long conversation with a man my age who has just been confirmed as having Asperger's. His therapist has told him that in his experience, adults his age with Asperger's generally have adapted and are coping, with one exception - sensory issues (plus some processing issues). The sensory stuff stays with them through life and they need to find ways to cope. With my friend, he has problems listening to people eat and drink, especially slurping coffee or tea. Sensory problems are very big and very real, for those who suffer. If the person also lacks social skills, then you will get the scenario you describe. What the staff need to do (other than sucking on mints!) is to model the right way to behave for him. "I'm sorry that my coffee breath is a problem for you, but there is a more polite way to say it. How about next time you say to me, "Please can you give me a little more space? You have been drinking coffee and I can smell it on you, I can't handle the smell of coffee." He needs to learn to handle his problem more diplomatically. But think about it - the staff are not responding with diplomacy, so how can he ever learn it? Of course he needs to learn to put up with coffee breath. But he also has sensory issues in there. He needs to find ways of ensuring his own needs are met, and he will learn to get more of what he wants, if he is nice about it. But it will take some positive experiences (doing the right thing and getting a win) in order to learn. So make it clear to the school - yes, he needs to learn to be polite. But they have to help teach him constructively, and not with punishment. And in the meantime, they also need to recognise the validity of his sensory problems, and not breathe coffee all over him! If you have trouble making the staff understand this, ask each staff member what he really hates, what really gets his hackles up. Is the teacher afraid of spiders? Is the teacher really upset by the sound of scraping fingernails on a blackboard? Then ask the teacher how he would feel, if a staff member always got his attention every time, by scraping fingernails down a blackboard. He might tolerate it the first time, but if it kept happening over and over, your tolerance wears very thin and eventually you would erupt. As with our difficult children, sometimes teachers need to have a situation made personally relevant, before they understand. Marg [/QUOTE]
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