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Grads and whack jobs and my decision to exclude.
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 360396" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>A quiet word in her ear of "Gee, whackjob, now do you understand why I chose to not get involved in your desire to get split with DEX? I am so glad you reconsidered; you two are so good together. Such a good match..."</p><p></p><p>It reminds me of a time in my youth (I was right at the end of high school) when a guy at our church youth group who I didn't particularly like but who was stalking me, asked me to marry him (!!??!). I said no, I said I was too young and besides, I wasn't interested in him. He still continued to pursue until he finally got the message - and two weeks later, was engaged to another (older) girl in the youth group. As far as I was concerned, and as far as everybody knew, they were welcome to one another. But this other girl, who had previously been friendly with me, suddenly got nasty and possessive about her guy, acting as if she had a reason to distrust me, to be jealous or think I might try to steal her man. Not a chance - but I was the only person in the youth group NOT invited to the wedding. </p><p></p><p>I didn't think enough of either of them to be really hurt, but it did annoy me because I knew both of them were behaving badly. HE carried on as if of course I would have to be disappointed to have lost my chance with him; she carried on as if I was actively chasing HIM; both were so wrong, but the myth grew and it was embarrassing for me living in that area and having to deal with their misinformation.</p><p></p><p>I guess they had to come up with these stories in order for each of them to feel justified in their various actions. But I knew that to try to defend myself would be to be seen as "protesting too much". Instead I had to be seen to REALLY not care. Of course, my absence from the wedding (due to my being the sole exclusion) made me look even more like sour grapes. I remember humming to myself at the time, from a song of the time, "narrow-minded people, in their narrow-minded ways."</p><p></p><p>Sometimes it is what YOU know, that matters most. Some people are just plain toxic. Some people (often the same people) re-write history, then blame everybody else when their own recollections don't match - they have to discredit anyone who knows differently. Over the years I've learnt to cut off all contact with such people and to also tell myself - any of their friends who choose to believe the lies, are not people I need to care about, I do not need to be concerned about what such people believe because I will no longer be moving in their universe. I imagine it's a bit like being a cancer surgeon - sometimes you have to cut out the tumour before it gets out of control. If it means living without certain bits that I previously thought I could never live without - then it is what I must do, in order to survive. of course, it is important to be certain of the diagnosis, but it is also important to not leave the disease too long untouched.</p><p></p><p>Some diseases can be fatal, if you let them gain control. And careful exposure, censorship, judicious use of social antibiotics, are what you have to do in order to be safely exposed to these risk factors.</p><p></p><p>Other people saw whackjob's dirty looks. Let her explain what she meant by them.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 360396, member: 1991"] A quiet word in her ear of "Gee, whackjob, now do you understand why I chose to not get involved in your desire to get split with DEX? I am so glad you reconsidered; you two are so good together. Such a good match..." It reminds me of a time in my youth (I was right at the end of high school) when a guy at our church youth group who I didn't particularly like but who was stalking me, asked me to marry him (!!??!). I said no, I said I was too young and besides, I wasn't interested in him. He still continued to pursue until he finally got the message - and two weeks later, was engaged to another (older) girl in the youth group. As far as I was concerned, and as far as everybody knew, they were welcome to one another. But this other girl, who had previously been friendly with me, suddenly got nasty and possessive about her guy, acting as if she had a reason to distrust me, to be jealous or think I might try to steal her man. Not a chance - but I was the only person in the youth group NOT invited to the wedding. I didn't think enough of either of them to be really hurt, but it did annoy me because I knew both of them were behaving badly. HE carried on as if of course I would have to be disappointed to have lost my chance with him; she carried on as if I was actively chasing HIM; both were so wrong, but the myth grew and it was embarrassing for me living in that area and having to deal with their misinformation. I guess they had to come up with these stories in order for each of them to feel justified in their various actions. But I knew that to try to defend myself would be to be seen as "protesting too much". Instead I had to be seen to REALLY not care. Of course, my absence from the wedding (due to my being the sole exclusion) made me look even more like sour grapes. I remember humming to myself at the time, from a song of the time, "narrow-minded people, in their narrow-minded ways." Sometimes it is what YOU know, that matters most. Some people are just plain toxic. Some people (often the same people) re-write history, then blame everybody else when their own recollections don't match - they have to discredit anyone who knows differently. Over the years I've learnt to cut off all contact with such people and to also tell myself - any of their friends who choose to believe the lies, are not people I need to care about, I do not need to be concerned about what such people believe because I will no longer be moving in their universe. I imagine it's a bit like being a cancer surgeon - sometimes you have to cut out the tumour before it gets out of control. If it means living without certain bits that I previously thought I could never live without - then it is what I must do, in order to survive. of course, it is important to be certain of the diagnosis, but it is also important to not leave the disease too long untouched. Some diseases can be fatal, if you let them gain control. And careful exposure, censorship, judicious use of social antibiotics, are what you have to do in order to be safely exposed to these risk factors. Other people saw whackjob's dirty looks. Let her explain what she meant by them. Marg [/QUOTE]
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