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Substance Abuse
Gradually stopping enabling
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<blockquote data-quote="Guidance seeker" data-source="post: 727326" data-attributes="member: 22632"><p>RNO441 I too am determined to never live like I did, I too didn’t want to go home from work and working on a mental health ward felt calmer and more stable than my own home.</p><p></p><p>LIS- That must’ve been so stressful for you when he ruined his houseshare. It’s beyond anything we can understand to see the mess they deliberately make of their lives. It’s like they can’t see consequences of their actions. We see them and worry about them and frustratingly can do nothing at all about them but protect ourselves.</p><p></p><p>My son once spent 2 days in tears that he would be beaten up as he owed a big drug debt, I actually felt sorry for him (it was early on in the troubles), I agreed to give him money and drove him about 8 miles away to pay. He told me to park and he would walk to meet the dealer. I drove around where he could not see me and watched - they didn’t know I was there but I saw him pay and then saw him being given drugs! I was furious with myself as well as him and drove off, leaving him there to walk home. That was probably the first time I realised my son wasn’t the nice person I used to be so close to, he had changed and would use anything he could to get money from me.</p><p></p><p>SWOT - I’m taking your advice and focusing more on myself. A friend and I have booked a spa day and I intend to fully enjoy it without allowing myself to think about him.</p><p></p><p>Update on my determination not to give him money - He has texted and rang several times today asking how he is supposed to live with no money. I have put it back to him that he needs to budget and not spend like he is a millionaire whenever his benefits arrive. He got abusive on the phone so I’ve refused to answer, he’s sent a few texts - apparently I will die a frail old woman with no family because karma will get me for being so selfish. </p><p></p><p>I replied with this “I’m selfish?</p><p>I have worked hard all my life for what I have, nobody ever gave me money for nothing.</p><p>I have given you 20 years of my life,</p><p>loads of money, food and other things.</p><p>What have you done for me or your dad?”</p><p></p><p>I am anxious that he will try harder and come to the house but I’m trying to put that out of my head.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Guidance seeker, post: 727326, member: 22632"] RNO441 I too am determined to never live like I did, I too didn’t want to go home from work and working on a mental health ward felt calmer and more stable than my own home. LIS- That must’ve been so stressful for you when he ruined his houseshare. It’s beyond anything we can understand to see the mess they deliberately make of their lives. It’s like they can’t see consequences of their actions. We see them and worry about them and frustratingly can do nothing at all about them but protect ourselves. My son once spent 2 days in tears that he would be beaten up as he owed a big drug debt, I actually felt sorry for him (it was early on in the troubles), I agreed to give him money and drove him about 8 miles away to pay. He told me to park and he would walk to meet the dealer. I drove around where he could not see me and watched - they didn’t know I was there but I saw him pay and then saw him being given drugs! I was furious with myself as well as him and drove off, leaving him there to walk home. That was probably the first time I realised my son wasn’t the nice person I used to be so close to, he had changed and would use anything he could to get money from me. SWOT - I’m taking your advice and focusing more on myself. A friend and I have booked a spa day and I intend to fully enjoy it without allowing myself to think about him. Update on my determination not to give him money - He has texted and rang several times today asking how he is supposed to live with no money. I have put it back to him that he needs to budget and not spend like he is a millionaire whenever his benefits arrive. He got abusive on the phone so I’ve refused to answer, he’s sent a few texts - apparently I will die a frail old woman with no family because karma will get me for being so selfish. I replied with this “I’m selfish? I have worked hard all my life for what I have, nobody ever gave me money for nothing. I have given you 20 years of my life, loads of money, food and other things. What have you done for me or your dad?” I am anxious that he will try harder and come to the house but I’m trying to put that out of my head. [/QUOTE]
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