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Substance Abuse
Gradually stopping enabling
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 727330" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You did great. My autistic son, who has worked so hard with his challenges works two part time jobs gets some SSI and pays his own bills. He is learning to budget but has a seperate payee. Do you have this option? It works like this. Some of Son's paycheck goes to a corporation and son's payee, somebody else (not us and not our money) pays his rent and other bills on time. There is extra money that goes into son's bank account for his personal use. Son is good at making sure he has food. Sometimes we surprise him with stuff but he never asks.</p><p></p><p> It was hard for us to make our son with challenges fend for himself but this was a goal we had since we can not be his caregiver forever. I still think of him as my "little" boy, but he has grown so much.</p><p></p><p>The drug dealer bit and your son doesn't surprise me. Dealers don't let you pay on credit. I am always surprised when a parent gives a drug addict thousands of our hard earned for drug debts that are really drug buys. That is one thing I would never have ever done. If my daughter had tried that I don't know how I would have felt toward her for a long time. It took me two years of certainty that she was sober for me to trust her again and to recapture our closeness. And she really didn't ask for money.</p><p></p><p>Your son can get a job. My daughter worked most of her drug years. Your son is able bodied. He gets benefits. If you stop the money then he will need to get money another way, like his benefits. He may break the law for money. Getting arrested can be a learning experience too as can prison. It can be a catalyst to quitting drugs.</p><p></p><p>And your son is already doing drug deals so he is breaking the law. I assume he could get arrested for that. As long as they use drugs, bad things happen and we can't stop it. I have no idea who sells drugs in the UK but in the US drug dealers tend to usually be dangerous users too and the purpose behind our gangs. They usually have sad stories behind being gang members but that doesn't make them less angry, dangerous and addicted.</p><p></p><p>Keep pushing yourself to be your own best friend and focus on you and your other loved ones who are kind to you. Son doesn't deserve all of your time.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there!!! Good progress!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 727330, member: 1550"] You did great. My autistic son, who has worked so hard with his challenges works two part time jobs gets some SSI and pays his own bills. He is learning to budget but has a seperate payee. Do you have this option? It works like this. Some of Son's paycheck goes to a corporation and son's payee, somebody else (not us and not our money) pays his rent and other bills on time. There is extra money that goes into son's bank account for his personal use. Son is good at making sure he has food. Sometimes we surprise him with stuff but he never asks. It was hard for us to make our son with challenges fend for himself but this was a goal we had since we can not be his caregiver forever. I still think of him as my "little" boy, but he has grown so much. The drug dealer bit and your son doesn't surprise me. Dealers don't let you pay on credit. I am always surprised when a parent gives a drug addict thousands of our hard earned for drug debts that are really drug buys. That is one thing I would never have ever done. If my daughter had tried that I don't know how I would have felt toward her for a long time. It took me two years of certainty that she was sober for me to trust her again and to recapture our closeness. And she really didn't ask for money. Your son can get a job. My daughter worked most of her drug years. Your son is able bodied. He gets benefits. If you stop the money then he will need to get money another way, like his benefits. He may break the law for money. Getting arrested can be a learning experience too as can prison. It can be a catalyst to quitting drugs. And your son is already doing drug deals so he is breaking the law. I assume he could get arrested for that. As long as they use drugs, bad things happen and we can't stop it. I have no idea who sells drugs in the UK but in the US drug dealers tend to usually be dangerous users too and the purpose behind our gangs. They usually have sad stories behind being gang members but that doesn't make them less angry, dangerous and addicted. Keep pushing yourself to be your own best friend and focus on you and your other loved ones who are kind to you. Son doesn't deserve all of your time. Hang in there!!! Good progress! [/QUOTE]
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