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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 759090" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear newstart (and everybody)</p><p></p><p>I am the weak link in our relationship, my son's and mine. I am very reactive. I make everything into a mountain. Because I find the way he lives quite unbearable. It is very like you describe with your daughter. There is a great love between us but we can't be close. He triggers me and he is manipulative and lies. White lies. For small things. But lies nonetheless. And I seem unable to let go of the need to have him live better. I don't know if he is capable. Or willing. My son has lived away from me now for almost 9 months. It's been the best for me that it's been for years. But now he has to move and he's more than hinting he wants to come back to a house I own in my town, hinting that he wants to take up where things left off. His paying lip service to conditions, which would be doing some volunteer work. Both of us know he's just saying what will work in order to get a foothold. It's very hard for me.</p><p></p><p>We all of us want the same things for them. That they build character, find stability and productivity. Be in touch with their hearts, including heart for themselves. How do we stay in the game while tolerating something quite a bit less than what we would wish for? It is especially difficult for those of us with kids who are mentally ill and don't get treatment. But what can I say? My son is a decent person. He loves me. That should be enough for me, but it's not. I don't know how to get over this. I have written before (over and over) that my son has a potentially fatal illness. How would I feel if I lost him when thus far I am unable to fully accept the son I love with all of my heart?</p><p></p><p>Thank you newstart. It is always nice to connect with you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 759090, member: 18958"] Dear newstart (and everybody) I am the weak link in our relationship, my son's and mine. I am very reactive. I make everything into a mountain. Because I find the way he lives quite unbearable. It is very like you describe with your daughter. There is a great love between us but we can't be close. He triggers me and he is manipulative and lies. White lies. For small things. But lies nonetheless. And I seem unable to let go of the need to have him live better. I don't know if he is capable. Or willing. My son has lived away from me now for almost 9 months. It's been the best for me that it's been for years. But now he has to move and he's more than hinting he wants to come back to a house I own in my town, hinting that he wants to take up where things left off. His paying lip service to conditions, which would be doing some volunteer work. Both of us know he's just saying what will work in order to get a foothold. It's very hard for me. We all of us want the same things for them. That they build character, find stability and productivity. Be in touch with their hearts, including heart for themselves. How do we stay in the game while tolerating something quite a bit less than what we would wish for? It is especially difficult for those of us with kids who are mentally ill and don't get treatment. But what can I say? My son is a decent person. He loves me. That should be enough for me, but it's not. I don't know how to get over this. I have written before (over and over) that my son has a potentially fatal illness. How would I feel if I lost him when thus far I am unable to fully accept the son I love with all of my heart? Thank you newstart. It is always nice to connect with you. [/QUOTE]
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