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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 10036" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>He's trying to tell you that something is wrong. You ALL know he can do the work, but there is something else wrong and he seems to be having trouble communicating this to you. </p><p></p><p>I have a friend with a highly gifted 8 year old who suddenly did badly a year ago. This kid went from being the only kid under 10 to get into the finals of a state newspaper essay competition, to deliberately underachieving, bursting into tears at the thought of going to school and beginning to be rude and nasty to other kids when she's been a total angel up til now.</p><p>The problem turned out to be a combination of bullying from a couple of other kids, aggravated by a relief teacher (relieving for five months) who actually added to the problem by encouraging the bullies and devaluing anything this child did. At one stage at least, this teacher was physically violent to the child (threw a stick of chalk at her, in class, that hit her in the face). It was also made clear to the child that she could not complain to her mother or there would be repercussions. Other parents apparently complained about this teacher; the principal later denied he had received any complaints. When this girl's mother complained the principal not only did nothing, but rehired this teacher for more relief work. The message to the victims - don't complain, it won't do any good (be afraid) and to the bullies - do what you want, we will let you get away with it.</p><p></p><p>This is a easy child child, VERY easy child, and her mother has seen the child continue to do poorly even though she no longer had to deal with this teacher. The damage was done and the next teacher, while better, still did nothing to stop ongoing bullying. Not did he appropriately manage giftedness in the class.</p><p></p><p>Your child sounds very similar in his behaviour to my young friend. The problem MAY be him having trouble coping with some aspect of his program (maybe it's worded in too complex a manner) and he's too ashamed to admit he's having some difficulty when he KNOWS he can do it; or there could be a totally different, non-difficult child issue he's having trouble with.</p><p></p><p>Boys at this age begin to be really nasty, sometimes. They can form little gangs and discriminate and bully emotionally, if not physically. And the damage that bullying can cause, especially in a climate of "Don't dop, or you'll be labelled a whining little snitch" can mean that a kid will use ANY means to draw attention to the fact that he has a problem he can't talk about.</p><p></p><p>Don't ask him if he's being bullied - he will have to answer, "No." But ask him about his day, talk to him over milk & cookies or a card game. Get him talking about his friends, about what happens at school during play times, etc. Just get him talking. Maybe talk about your own school days if you need to, to ask him for comparison.</p><p></p><p>My bet is on bullying as at least a part of the problem. I do hope I'm wrong, though.</p><p></p><p>And congrats on the baby - you've got an age gap between your youngest two a bit like mine. It makes it easier to enjoy the baby.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 10036, member: 1991"] He's trying to tell you that something is wrong. You ALL know he can do the work, but there is something else wrong and he seems to be having trouble communicating this to you. I have a friend with a highly gifted 8 year old who suddenly did badly a year ago. This kid went from being the only kid under 10 to get into the finals of a state newspaper essay competition, to deliberately underachieving, bursting into tears at the thought of going to school and beginning to be rude and nasty to other kids when she's been a total angel up til now. The problem turned out to be a combination of bullying from a couple of other kids, aggravated by a relief teacher (relieving for five months) who actually added to the problem by encouraging the bullies and devaluing anything this child did. At one stage at least, this teacher was physically violent to the child (threw a stick of chalk at her, in class, that hit her in the face). It was also made clear to the child that she could not complain to her mother or there would be repercussions. Other parents apparently complained about this teacher; the principal later denied he had received any complaints. When this girl's mother complained the principal not only did nothing, but rehired this teacher for more relief work. The message to the victims - don't complain, it won't do any good (be afraid) and to the bullies - do what you want, we will let you get away with it. This is a easy child child, VERY easy child, and her mother has seen the child continue to do poorly even though she no longer had to deal with this teacher. The damage was done and the next teacher, while better, still did nothing to stop ongoing bullying. Not did he appropriately manage giftedness in the class. Your child sounds very similar in his behaviour to my young friend. The problem MAY be him having trouble coping with some aspect of his program (maybe it's worded in too complex a manner) and he's too ashamed to admit he's having some difficulty when he KNOWS he can do it; or there could be a totally different, non-difficult child issue he's having trouble with. Boys at this age begin to be really nasty, sometimes. They can form little gangs and discriminate and bully emotionally, if not physically. And the damage that bullying can cause, especially in a climate of "Don't dop, or you'll be labelled a whining little snitch" can mean that a kid will use ANY means to draw attention to the fact that he has a problem he can't talk about. Don't ask him if he's being bullied - he will have to answer, "No." But ask him about his day, talk to him over milk & cookies or a card game. Get him talking about his friends, about what happens at school during play times, etc. Just get him talking. Maybe talk about your own school days if you need to, to ask him for comparison. My bet is on bullying as at least a part of the problem. I do hope I'm wrong, though. And congrats on the baby - you've got an age gap between your youngest two a bit like mine. It makes it easier to enjoy the baby. Marg [/QUOTE]
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