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Substance Abuse
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<blockquote data-quote="SunnyFlorida" data-source="post: 57039" data-attributes="member: 696"><p>Hi Mikey,</p><p>First of all I'd like to thank you for visiting our state and somewhat enjoying yourself. Afternoon showers are kinda cool :smile:</p><p></p><p>2nd I'd like to say sorry for YOUR bruised ego. Yeppers...you are learning detachment whether you like it or not. difficult child is teaching you. Just as you learned parenting from your kids..you also learn detachment.</p><p></p><p>3rd, Deb, Kfld, and the others are right. It's not YOU, it's not your planning, it's not the place. It's a difficult child teen. difficult child is being basically developmentally appropriate whether he's difficult child or easy child. Now that's not to say that there aren't those on either side of the spectrum, but basically he's non communicative, finding other's his age, able to distance hisself from the parental unit, and probably will ALWAYS remember the trip.</p><p></p><p>My biggest suggestion to you is DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY and to continue to be a DAD and do not crossover to be the FRIEND. It's easy to want to cajole difficult child into "aren't you having a good time, if I do this will you do this, comeon buddy let's....."</p><p></p><p>This is the most important time of your life and difficult child needs a dad who sets high standards and is consistent and immovable. Negotiations are a possibility, but it has to be difficult child initiated.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child 2 was stubborn to the core. We moved him out at 16. He had very little contact with dad unit for about 2yrs. Now...he calls husband (not through me) he arranges things. They are having a relationship on their own terms. </p><p></p><p>We as parental units want the happy go lucky good times of our kids youth. The ones where they enjoyed everything we planned. Our difficult child's are hardheaded, manipulative, self absorbed, sometimes troubled teens who hopefully will all be productive citizens. It is our job to light the way but not be the rug underneath.</p><p></p><p>So while I share your pain....I give you hope, hope that this time will pass quickly and the future will be brighter.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SunnyFlorida, post: 57039, member: 696"] Hi Mikey, First of all I'd like to thank you for visiting our state and somewhat enjoying yourself. Afternoon showers are kinda cool [img]:smile:[/img] 2nd I'd like to say sorry for YOUR bruised ego. Yeppers...you are learning detachment whether you like it or not. difficult child is teaching you. Just as you learned parenting from your kids..you also learn detachment. 3rd, Deb, Kfld, and the others are right. It's not YOU, it's not your planning, it's not the place. It's a difficult child teen. difficult child is being basically developmentally appropriate whether he's difficult child or easy child. Now that's not to say that there aren't those on either side of the spectrum, but basically he's non communicative, finding other's his age, able to distance hisself from the parental unit, and probably will ALWAYS remember the trip. My biggest suggestion to you is DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY and to continue to be a DAD and do not crossover to be the FRIEND. It's easy to want to cajole difficult child into "aren't you having a good time, if I do this will you do this, comeon buddy let's....." This is the most important time of your life and difficult child needs a dad who sets high standards and is consistent and immovable. Negotiations are a possibility, but it has to be difficult child initiated. My difficult child 2 was stubborn to the core. We moved him out at 16. He had very little contact with dad unit for about 2yrs. Now...he calls husband (not through me) he arranges things. They are having a relationship on their own terms. We as parental units want the happy go lucky good times of our kids youth. The ones where they enjoyed everything we planned. Our difficult child's are hardheaded, manipulative, self absorbed, sometimes troubled teens who hopefully will all be productive citizens. It is our job to light the way but not be the rug underneath. So while I share your pain....I give you hope, hope that this time will pass quickly and the future will be brighter. [/QUOTE]
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