Hi Carri, I so understand your post. The grief is very real, it's as if our precious children have died, but we can't "move on" and truly deal with it, because in truth, they are still alive and self-destructing. I don't know what is worse.
During the time I felt just like you describe, I realized I was grieving, the very real stages of grief, which are denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It helped me to identify where I was at any point in time, see myself cycling through the stages, often not "in order" and then realizing that i was not alone, that in fact many people were going through the same stages, and that somehow, someway, dealing with my grief and allowing it to come, and wash over me, was moving me forward to healing.
It's so hard. It is the hardest and loneliest thing in the world to feel the pain of this, like we do on this forum.
Please know we are here with you. And that there is hope, and that taking care of ourselves in a very strange and confusing way, is taking care of them.
Warm hugs this morning.
