Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Guilt
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="keista" data-source="post: 430532" data-attributes="member: 11965"><p>If she had leukemia, or juvenile diabetes, or any other physical childhood illness, would you still <strong>feel like you should have been able</strong> to prevent it? Most parents actually answer yes. The reason being that we want to do everything to protect our kids, and have magical parenting thoughts that if we make ourselves suffer then our children will suffer less. The real question is <strong>COULD</strong> you have prevented it? And obviously, the answer is NO.</p><p></p><p>Resist apologizing. There is nothing for your to apologize for. Prepare instead for the day she may come demanding an apology. In the process of going out into the world on her own, she will be seeing and learning new things. She may start to grow and mature and become responsible. She might decide "Mom should have done this or that different, and then I wouldn't have had to struggle so much" (by the way this a theory of mine that many young adults go through this thought process with their parents when they start to struggle with the realities of life - even non-difficult children) The reality is that you did EVERYTHING you knew to be right. And even if you didn't know for sure, you got the best information you could to make the best decision. If she demands an apology, there is still no reason to apologize for because you did EVERYTHING you knew to be right. Hopefully as she matures further, maybe becomes a parent herself, she will begin to see the wisdom of your ways, and the difficulties you had - not just because she was a difficult child but because you were a GREAT parent. </p><p></p><p>I've seen this struggle with parents of non-difficult children, so for us the worry is multiplied, our struggles are multiplied.</p><p></p><p>Stay strong in your detachment. No guilt! in my opinion simply because you are struggling with detachment, means you have been and are a WONDERFUL parent</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="keista, post: 430532, member: 11965"] If she had leukemia, or juvenile diabetes, or any other physical childhood illness, would you still [B]feel like you should have been able[/B] to prevent it? Most parents actually answer yes. The reason being that we want to do everything to protect our kids, and have magical parenting thoughts that if we make ourselves suffer then our children will suffer less. The real question is [B]COULD[/B] you have prevented it? And obviously, the answer is NO. Resist apologizing. There is nothing for your to apologize for. Prepare instead for the day she may come demanding an apology. In the process of going out into the world on her own, she will be seeing and learning new things. She may start to grow and mature and become responsible. She might decide "Mom should have done this or that different, and then I wouldn't have had to struggle so much" (by the way this a theory of mine that many young adults go through this thought process with their parents when they start to struggle with the realities of life - even non-difficult children) The reality is that you did EVERYTHING you knew to be right. And even if you didn't know for sure, you got the best information you could to make the best decision. If she demands an apology, there is still no reason to apologize for because you did EVERYTHING you knew to be right. Hopefully as she matures further, maybe becomes a parent herself, she will begin to see the wisdom of your ways, and the difficulties you had - not just because she was a difficult child but because you were a GREAT parent. I've seen this struggle with parents of non-difficult children, so for us the worry is multiplied, our struggles are multiplied. Stay strong in your detachment. No guilt! in my opinion simply because you are struggling with detachment, means you have been and are a WONDERFUL parent [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Guilt
Top