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H v. difficult child and me in the middle
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<blockquote data-quote="svengandhi" data-source="post: 417393" data-attributes="member: 3493"><p>Okay, so latest chat reveals that H is angry at difficult child because the fallout from the incident last year put a fatal rift between H and his best friend (a dad who is in scouts despite his Aspie son's absolute hatred of it! because he himself loves camping, etc.). H is angry that after losing his friend, difficult child isn't showing that he's "grateful" that we backed him in the dispute by earning Eagle. difficult child used to be the most dedicated scout in his troop; he's been in scouting since 1st grade and he's now a HS junior.</p><p></p><p>difficult child wouldn't be going to camp as a camper but as staff. He helped us out last year by paying for his own driver's ed with his earnings and he doesn't ask me for money. He is still living off of the remainder of last year's earnings. It would help me if he earned money. He gets rave reviews from adult leaders and other staff and I feel that he should be encouraged to have a job and that maybe being up there will give him the motivation to continue on with the badges. Also, as I said before, PC14 doesn't have the same love for scouting that difficult child does and I'm afraid he'll refuse to go if difficult child doesn't. Then I'll have both of them sitting around all summer just playing video games (because H works from home and won't stop them or do anything with them). H screamed at me that he is not going if the badges aren't done and then accused me of being unsupportive of his position. When I said I had told him I disagreed earlier, he said that didn't matter, he already told me his decision... The SM doesn't care about the badges; difficult child already has advanced further than most boys ever get in scouts (he's life, with 9/12 required badges and 22 other badges where 9 are needed for eagle).</p><p></p><p>I've given difficult child a time table. I suggested that he work on them with easy child or one of his other friends. I offered to help him with them; if I could do them myself, I would since they wouldn't be submitted for eagle. He doesn't want to do it anymore. H, on the other hand, is getting more and more in to scouts each year, taking on more volunteer duties, running another unit, etc. A lot of what he's doing is, in my humble opinion, designed to get "revenge" on the people who kicked difficult child out... Part of his agenda is to have difficult child make Eagle despite what our former troop thinks of difficult child. I think my boys would be fine if we quit scouts altogether, but I do like the fact that they at least get some activity. None of my kids does sports or anything else.</p><p></p><p>This can't affect my M any more than it already is. My M is basically dead because H is an unrepetant cheater, not because of difficult child or any of the other kids. I will probably D him when youngest boy is out of school. We have different life plans for retirement. He wants to age in place and I want to be somewhere where the snow don't fall... We are together because I need to control the money.</p><p></p><p>I have been wracking my brain about who to have mediate. I am thinking of a man we know in scouts who is high up and who knows difficult child very well (and thinks very highly of him; he took difficult child's side in the dispute as well). I think this man would be able to convince H to let difficult child take a job he already committed to even without doing the badges...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="svengandhi, post: 417393, member: 3493"] Okay, so latest chat reveals that H is angry at difficult child because the fallout from the incident last year put a fatal rift between H and his best friend (a dad who is in scouts despite his Aspie son's absolute hatred of it! because he himself loves camping, etc.). H is angry that after losing his friend, difficult child isn't showing that he's "grateful" that we backed him in the dispute by earning Eagle. difficult child used to be the most dedicated scout in his troop; he's been in scouting since 1st grade and he's now a HS junior. difficult child wouldn't be going to camp as a camper but as staff. He helped us out last year by paying for his own driver's ed with his earnings and he doesn't ask me for money. He is still living off of the remainder of last year's earnings. It would help me if he earned money. He gets rave reviews from adult leaders and other staff and I feel that he should be encouraged to have a job and that maybe being up there will give him the motivation to continue on with the badges. Also, as I said before, PC14 doesn't have the same love for scouting that difficult child does and I'm afraid he'll refuse to go if difficult child doesn't. Then I'll have both of them sitting around all summer just playing video games (because H works from home and won't stop them or do anything with them). H screamed at me that he is not going if the badges aren't done and then accused me of being unsupportive of his position. When I said I had told him I disagreed earlier, he said that didn't matter, he already told me his decision... The SM doesn't care about the badges; difficult child already has advanced further than most boys ever get in scouts (he's life, with 9/12 required badges and 22 other badges where 9 are needed for eagle). I've given difficult child a time table. I suggested that he work on them with easy child or one of his other friends. I offered to help him with them; if I could do them myself, I would since they wouldn't be submitted for eagle. He doesn't want to do it anymore. H, on the other hand, is getting more and more in to scouts each year, taking on more volunteer duties, running another unit, etc. A lot of what he's doing is, in my humble opinion, designed to get "revenge" on the people who kicked difficult child out... Part of his agenda is to have difficult child make Eagle despite what our former troop thinks of difficult child. I think my boys would be fine if we quit scouts altogether, but I do like the fact that they at least get some activity. None of my kids does sports or anything else. This can't affect my M any more than it already is. My M is basically dead because H is an unrepetant cheater, not because of difficult child or any of the other kids. I will probably D him when youngest boy is out of school. We have different life plans for retirement. He wants to age in place and I want to be somewhere where the snow don't fall... We are together because I need to control the money. I have been wracking my brain about who to have mediate. I am thinking of a man we know in scouts who is high up and who knows difficult child very well (and thinks very highly of him; he took difficult child's side in the dispute as well). I think this man would be able to convince H to let difficult child take a job he already committed to even without doing the badges... [/QUOTE]
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