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Had a Revelation Last Night (long, thanks for reading if you can)
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<blockquote data-quote="timer lady" data-source="post: 409185" data-attributes="member: 393"><p>Susie, honey, your past is haunting you. I was blessed with my childhood yet I had a terminally ill sister who died at the age of 4. I was 12 when she died in 1969. We didn't have the supports for grieving families that there are today. As a family we floundered ~ it's amazing & a testament to my parents that they didn't divorce but became stronger.</p><p></p><p>Yet I spent years blaming my parents for this & that until it hit me. As a parent what would I have done differently? With 6 children, one in the hospital almost continually for the last 2 years of her life & the other 5 at home I have to say I would have been at the hospital daily. My parents worked (my dad was working 2 jobs - mom worked & headed to the hospital). This was our reality & years later I realized I wouldn't have done things any different. There was no one to forgive because there was nothing to forgive. AND if I had waited for an apology from my parents I would have waited til he!! froze over. There was nothing to apologize for ~ it was life.</p><p></p><p>I've been in therapy 2x a week over the last 5 months ~ dealing with husband's death & the tweedle stuff. The more I spend time with therapist the more I realize that it's my reaction, my responses to the past 3 years. It's appropriate for me to grieve, be angry & feel stressed. I will never get an apology from husband for not going to the MD's sooner; the tweedles may apologize for their daily antics yet they don't see the ongoing overall stress & all that goes with it. They may never understand & I don't expect any different as I chose to become a parent & heaven help me, God blessed me with kt & wm.</p><p></p><p>You life has been different. In your case you've done your part. You're a grown woman with children of her own. Is this the model you want for your daughter - to be seeking approval or acknowledgment? It's not their place. Brother was drunk during your attempts to make amends....you've done your part & it's time to move forward.</p><p></p><p>I've spent a great deal of time over the last 2 months studying Buddhism. The art of calm, forgiveness & strength. The one thing that has hit me time & again is a quote I repeat to myself daily. "We never treat others the way we treat ourselves."</p><p></p><p>It's ugly that we can/will/do tell ourselves how ugly we are, how fat we are, how stupid or illogical or emotional we are; we wouldn't say such things to others. </p><p></p><p>It's time to move forward Susie. I haven't put this as eloquently as Star or Lisa. Start treating yourself with the dignity & respect you deserve as you have earned it & deserve no less.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="timer lady, post: 409185, member: 393"] Susie, honey, your past is haunting you. I was blessed with my childhood yet I had a terminally ill sister who died at the age of 4. I was 12 when she died in 1969. We didn't have the supports for grieving families that there are today. As a family we floundered ~ it's amazing & a testament to my parents that they didn't divorce but became stronger. Yet I spent years blaming my parents for this & that until it hit me. As a parent what would I have done differently? With 6 children, one in the hospital almost continually for the last 2 years of her life & the other 5 at home I have to say I would have been at the hospital daily. My parents worked (my dad was working 2 jobs - mom worked & headed to the hospital). This was our reality & years later I realized I wouldn't have done things any different. There was no one to forgive because there was nothing to forgive. AND if I had waited for an apology from my parents I would have waited til he!! froze over. There was nothing to apologize for ~ it was life. I've been in therapy 2x a week over the last 5 months ~ dealing with husband's death & the tweedle stuff. The more I spend time with therapist the more I realize that it's my reaction, my responses to the past 3 years. It's appropriate for me to grieve, be angry & feel stressed. I will never get an apology from husband for not going to the MD's sooner; the tweedles may apologize for their daily antics yet they don't see the ongoing overall stress & all that goes with it. They may never understand & I don't expect any different as I chose to become a parent & heaven help me, God blessed me with kt & wm. You life has been different. In your case you've done your part. You're a grown woman with children of her own. Is this the model you want for your daughter - to be seeking approval or acknowledgment? It's not their place. Brother was drunk during your attempts to make amends....you've done your part & it's time to move forward. I've spent a great deal of time over the last 2 months studying Buddhism. The art of calm, forgiveness & strength. The one thing that has hit me time & again is a quote I repeat to myself daily. "We never treat others the way we treat ourselves." It's ugly that we can/will/do tell ourselves how ugly we are, how fat we are, how stupid or illogical or emotional we are; we wouldn't say such things to others. It's time to move forward Susie. I haven't put this as eloquently as Star or Lisa. Start treating yourself with the dignity & respect you deserve as you have earned it & deserve no less. [/QUOTE]
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Had a Revelation Last Night (long, thanks for reading if you can)
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