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The Watercooler
Had a Revelation Last Night (long, thanks for reading if you can)
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 409417" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Thanks all. You all have excellent points. I have a need to understand things, partly because much of human behavior is incomprehensible to me - I very much feel this is because my own aspie traits (if I were a chld evaluation'd today I would def have an Aspie diagnosis - no question in my mind.) It is a coping skill I learned out of self defense.</p><p> </p><p>I don't think about gfgbro on a daily basis or even weekly sometimes. For me that is a HUGE accomplishment. It is going to take time to make progress in this. I am on a waiting list for counselling but in our area it is over a year. WIth husband out of work we couldn't pay copays for insurance covered therapy even if we had insurance. </p><p> </p><p>A lot of the tiems when I think about my mom/bro it is in response to my kids. they still have questions and problems and I cannot refuse to address them. I do limit responses and encourage them to just let it go as I encourage that in myself. </p><p> </p><p>When your memories of events are dramatically different than the revised history that you are presented with from family (who presumably cares and isn't lying), it makes you question your sanity. I actually have wondered at times if I dreamed entire months of my life because my memories are so different than what I am told has happened. If not for pictures of things that support my memories I might have truly thought I had multiple personalities or something (NOT said flippantly - the differences are that huge). </p><p> </p><p>So finally realizing that I actually DID the things I remember and that the family says didn't happen is a huge relief. I am working on trusting my perceptions and memories of events. I know it soemtimes frustrates husband because I will ask him if things actually ahppened the way I perceive them. My family's version of events truly has been THAT different from my perceptions and memories. It isn't easy to buck a lifetime of training even when you knwo the training is lies and based on lies/inaccuracies.</p><p> </p><p>You are all giving me excellent feedback and I am working to make progress. THANK YOU.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 409417, member: 1233"] Thanks all. You all have excellent points. I have a need to understand things, partly because much of human behavior is incomprehensible to me - I very much feel this is because my own aspie traits (if I were a chld evaluation'd today I would def have an Aspie diagnosis - no question in my mind.) It is a coping skill I learned out of self defense. I don't think about gfgbro on a daily basis or even weekly sometimes. For me that is a HUGE accomplishment. It is going to take time to make progress in this. I am on a waiting list for counselling but in our area it is over a year. WIth husband out of work we couldn't pay copays for insurance covered therapy even if we had insurance. A lot of the tiems when I think about my mom/bro it is in response to my kids. they still have questions and problems and I cannot refuse to address them. I do limit responses and encourage them to just let it go as I encourage that in myself. When your memories of events are dramatically different than the revised history that you are presented with from family (who presumably cares and isn't lying), it makes you question your sanity. I actually have wondered at times if I dreamed entire months of my life because my memories are so different than what I am told has happened. If not for pictures of things that support my memories I might have truly thought I had multiple personalities or something (NOT said flippantly - the differences are that huge). So finally realizing that I actually DID the things I remember and that the family says didn't happen is a huge relief. I am working on trusting my perceptions and memories of events. I know it soemtimes frustrates husband because I will ask him if things actually ahppened the way I perceive them. My family's version of events truly has been THAT different from my perceptions and memories. It isn't easy to buck a lifetime of training even when you knwo the training is lies and based on lies/inaccuracies. You are all giving me excellent feedback and I am working to make progress. THANK YOU. [/QUOTE]
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Had a Revelation Last Night (long, thanks for reading if you can)
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