Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Had it with the way Hubby treats difficult child!!!!!!!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 108015" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Your husband may be unwilling to read up on stuff, or he might be unable to take in the information. Whichever it is, don't take it as non-compliance. Some men would mask their difficulty in this with bravado and impatience, uttering, "It's all a waste of time, it's just namby-pamby rubbish." Or similar.</p><p></p><p>That's when you say, "Then here is my summary of what it is trying to say," and either make him read a summary you wrote, or sit him down and explain it to him. Then do it all again the next day, and the next, and the next week, until he finally begins to 'get it'.</p><p></p><p>And if he refuses to listen? This is when you have to use LOGIC. Sit him down for a Serious Talk, the kind that hints that your bags are packed and whether you go or stay will be determined by his considered response. Keep it calm and rational.</p><p></p><p>Here is what you say: "You say that nothing is wrong with difficult child. You base this on your observations of him, on your past experience of information you've had about the range of disorders and on what you hear, read and discuss with other people in your environment. That is fair enough - you are entitled to form your own opinions.</p><p></p><p>BUT - I spend more time with difficult child. I have more opportunity to observe him, to discuss his progress with experts in the field including his teachers and his doctors, as distinct from your information sources on the topic (your workmates and the blokes at the pub). I have read a great deal on the topic both for and against and weighed up all the information. I have had to become an expert and I am still learning. Taking all this into account - your point of view and mine, plus the knowledge base for both - please do me the courtesy of at least CONSIDERING that there might be some truth in the hypothesis that difficult child has problems."</p><p></p><p>The outcome of the conversation should be you telling husband - "If you feel I am wrong, that is OK but you must present your arguments based on solid information and academic studies, not on what Bill next door said last time you both went fishing. Basically, as Bob Dylan said in 'The Times They Are A'Changing', 'Don't criticise what you can't understand'. So either make an effort to inform yourself so we can work as a team, or stay right out of the discipline entirely and do not act impatient, annoyed, or anything else negative in a way that will make difficult child or me feel worse about ourselves or what we are doing. If you are not happy with this, then there are a lot of other things that you clearly are not prepared to do to work at our relationship either."</p><p></p><p>You can use this to invite him to attend the next doctor appointment. If husband wants to argue with you about either the validity of this diagnosis, or whether it applies to difficult child, then tell husband, "Don't argue with me about it, I am not the one who diagnosed difficult child. Go and argue with the doctor at the next appointment. Better still, make an appointment to see the doctor yourself so you can tell the doctor where he went wrong. If you are right then you will be doing a great service to American medicine, giving a much more effective treatment regime to the world. And if you are wrong - then the sooner you realise this the sooner you will be able to be a valuable and effective dad for this little boy."</p><p></p><p>Not easy. But husband has to see, at some stage, that you can't change a difficult child by acting like a difficult child yourself.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 108015, member: 1991"] Your husband may be unwilling to read up on stuff, or he might be unable to take in the information. Whichever it is, don't take it as non-compliance. Some men would mask their difficulty in this with bravado and impatience, uttering, "It's all a waste of time, it's just namby-pamby rubbish." Or similar. That's when you say, "Then here is my summary of what it is trying to say," and either make him read a summary you wrote, or sit him down and explain it to him. Then do it all again the next day, and the next, and the next week, until he finally begins to 'get it'. And if he refuses to listen? This is when you have to use LOGIC. Sit him down for a Serious Talk, the kind that hints that your bags are packed and whether you go or stay will be determined by his considered response. Keep it calm and rational. Here is what you say: "You say that nothing is wrong with difficult child. You base this on your observations of him, on your past experience of information you've had about the range of disorders and on what you hear, read and discuss with other people in your environment. That is fair enough - you are entitled to form your own opinions. BUT - I spend more time with difficult child. I have more opportunity to observe him, to discuss his progress with experts in the field including his teachers and his doctors, as distinct from your information sources on the topic (your workmates and the blokes at the pub). I have read a great deal on the topic both for and against and weighed up all the information. I have had to become an expert and I am still learning. Taking all this into account - your point of view and mine, plus the knowledge base for both - please do me the courtesy of at least CONSIDERING that there might be some truth in the hypothesis that difficult child has problems." The outcome of the conversation should be you telling husband - "If you feel I am wrong, that is OK but you must present your arguments based on solid information and academic studies, not on what Bill next door said last time you both went fishing. Basically, as Bob Dylan said in 'The Times They Are A'Changing', 'Don't criticise what you can't understand'. So either make an effort to inform yourself so we can work as a team, or stay right out of the discipline entirely and do not act impatient, annoyed, or anything else negative in a way that will make difficult child or me feel worse about ourselves or what we are doing. If you are not happy with this, then there are a lot of other things that you clearly are not prepared to do to work at our relationship either." You can use this to invite him to attend the next doctor appointment. If husband wants to argue with you about either the validity of this diagnosis, or whether it applies to difficult child, then tell husband, "Don't argue with me about it, I am not the one who diagnosed difficult child. Go and argue with the doctor at the next appointment. Better still, make an appointment to see the doctor yourself so you can tell the doctor where he went wrong. If you are right then you will be doing a great service to American medicine, giving a much more effective treatment regime to the world. And if you are wrong - then the sooner you realise this the sooner you will be able to be a valuable and effective dad for this little boy." Not easy. But husband has to see, at some stage, that you can't change a difficult child by acting like a difficult child yourself. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Had it with the way Hubby treats difficult child!!!!!!!
Top