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Hard To Know What To Think
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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 715326" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>A brief update. Wife and DS chatted last night. DS was pleasant but admitted he had blown us off for the movie. He didn't seem to understand that a simple phone call to cancel would have been more appropriate, or at least, he didn't acknowledge it when wife brought it up.</p><p></p><p>Wife asked him what online class he was working on now and he said, "I don't know." She pressed the issue a little and he said, "I know what I have to do, and I'll do it." He has been saying these exact words for years, and in the past, it meant he wasn't doing his assignments. We know that he was frustrated a while back because he claimed "the program" wasn't allowing him to submit a paper. When he encounters setbacks, his usual response is to quit. So the pattern continues, the lying, the justifying and the enabling, on his dad's part, allowing him to do exactly as he pleases with no consequences whatsoever. </p><p></p><p>He turns 17 in a matter of days. In our state you can legally drop out, without parental consent, at that age. Wife asked my advice and I told her to leave him alone. We've seen the drama and near tragedy that unfold when DS is backed into a corner, and frankly, I don't want to deal with it again, especially as it will do no good. DS won't be coerced, convinced, guilt-tripped or shamed into doing anything he does not want to do. In a worst case scenario, people may get hurt when DS' temper is triggered.</p><p></p><p>So at this point I am accepting that DS has not changed and likely will never change. With that in mind, I feel we need to enjoy the times when he's doing better, and allow him to work his own way out of the bad times. I, at least, have learned my lesson. I need him at a distance for my own sanity and safety. DS is someone who sadly, at this point in his life, cannot be reached. I am going to do my best to butt out and let my wife do whatever it is she feels is appropriate.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 715326, member: 13303"] A brief update. Wife and DS chatted last night. DS was pleasant but admitted he had blown us off for the movie. He didn't seem to understand that a simple phone call to cancel would have been more appropriate, or at least, he didn't acknowledge it when wife brought it up. Wife asked him what online class he was working on now and he said, "I don't know." She pressed the issue a little and he said, "I know what I have to do, and I'll do it." He has been saying these exact words for years, and in the past, it meant he wasn't doing his assignments. We know that he was frustrated a while back because he claimed "the program" wasn't allowing him to submit a paper. When he encounters setbacks, his usual response is to quit. So the pattern continues, the lying, the justifying and the enabling, on his dad's part, allowing him to do exactly as he pleases with no consequences whatsoever. He turns 17 in a matter of days. In our state you can legally drop out, without parental consent, at that age. Wife asked my advice and I told her to leave him alone. We've seen the drama and near tragedy that unfold when DS is backed into a corner, and frankly, I don't want to deal with it again, especially as it will do no good. DS won't be coerced, convinced, guilt-tripped or shamed into doing anything he does not want to do. In a worst case scenario, people may get hurt when DS' temper is triggered. So at this point I am accepting that DS has not changed and likely will never change. With that in mind, I feel we need to enjoy the times when he's doing better, and allow him to work his own way out of the bad times. I, at least, have learned my lesson. I need him at a distance for my own sanity and safety. DS is someone who sadly, at this point in his life, cannot be reached. I am going to do my best to butt out and let my wife do whatever it is she feels is appropriate. [/QUOTE]
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