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Substance Abuse
Hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 608164" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Years back I got my husband to attend meetings by bribing and guilting him. After the five he agreed to attend, he chose to continue as he felt it was making a difference in our relationship. This was at the very beginning of our marriage and it made a real difference to us both. </p><p></p><p>One thing that may help is explaining that when the family gets help from 12 step meetings, the addict is 30% more likely to be sober after a year. While that may not seem like much, it is HUGE. If difficult child was in school getting a 59% and if you and husband spent one hour a week at the school then difficult child would get an 89%, would you have done it? I bet you would and husband would also. Sobriety is vastly more important than school could ever be because without sobriety all the education in the world won't give you a good life and won't allow you to actually learn what the teachers are teaching. So putting that effort into meetings really can be that difference between sobriety and active addiction. </p><p></p><p>Many men respond more to numbers, so putting it this way may help your husband see the need for meetings. Even if he won't go at first, if you go and work the steps, he will see changes in you and that may get him to go. </p><p></p><p>Remember that you may not like the first few meetings you go to. You don't have to say anythng unless you want to. It is recommended to do at least 7 in 7. That means attending a meeting every night for a solid week. Go to different locations and times until you find ones that feel right to you. Even meetings at the same time on different nights will have different dynamics, and this helps you find the ones that are the best fit for you. Lunch/noon meetings are different, and faster, than at other times, and some churches have very different dynamics than meetings in non-church settings. At first I didn't do this, or know anything about it, but about a month in I did it and was amazed. I understood why it was important. Some meetings were very by the book with little time to share anything personal and others were far more personal with people taking time to discuss their problems and issues and others giving feedback on this. Lunch meetings tended to be quite short, usually 30-45 min and only focusing on a short concept or reading and evening meetings esp closed ones (open only to those with addicts in the family for alanon and only to addicts for AA/NA) tended to have more time to share personal things. </p><p></p><p>The changes that we made via alanon truly helped both husband and I build a firm foundation for our marriage and we each go back to meetings when we feel the need, recognizing that it isn't like an antibiotic that fixes the problem in one round of treatment. We don't make it a big deal, but it is a major factor in our still being together 22 years later (as of August 2013). Regardless of our love for each other and our kids, we had some serious difficulties in the beginning and alanon helped us understand ourselves, each other, and how we interacted so that we could work to meld our lives into a family that works for us. Maybe this will give your husband some insight into what happens and why it is important for everyone to get help. If you only maintain the tires, eventually your car will run out of gas, oil, and other essentials and won't work. Families are like that too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 608164, member: 1233"] Years back I got my husband to attend meetings by bribing and guilting him. After the five he agreed to attend, he chose to continue as he felt it was making a difference in our relationship. This was at the very beginning of our marriage and it made a real difference to us both. One thing that may help is explaining that when the family gets help from 12 step meetings, the addict is 30% more likely to be sober after a year. While that may not seem like much, it is HUGE. If difficult child was in school getting a 59% and if you and husband spent one hour a week at the school then difficult child would get an 89%, would you have done it? I bet you would and husband would also. Sobriety is vastly more important than school could ever be because without sobriety all the education in the world won't give you a good life and won't allow you to actually learn what the teachers are teaching. So putting that effort into meetings really can be that difference between sobriety and active addiction. Many men respond more to numbers, so putting it this way may help your husband see the need for meetings. Even if he won't go at first, if you go and work the steps, he will see changes in you and that may get him to go. Remember that you may not like the first few meetings you go to. You don't have to say anythng unless you want to. It is recommended to do at least 7 in 7. That means attending a meeting every night for a solid week. Go to different locations and times until you find ones that feel right to you. Even meetings at the same time on different nights will have different dynamics, and this helps you find the ones that are the best fit for you. Lunch/noon meetings are different, and faster, than at other times, and some churches have very different dynamics than meetings in non-church settings. At first I didn't do this, or know anything about it, but about a month in I did it and was amazed. I understood why it was important. Some meetings were very by the book with little time to share anything personal and others were far more personal with people taking time to discuss their problems and issues and others giving feedback on this. Lunch meetings tended to be quite short, usually 30-45 min and only focusing on a short concept or reading and evening meetings esp closed ones (open only to those with addicts in the family for alanon and only to addicts for AA/NA) tended to have more time to share personal things. The changes that we made via alanon truly helped both husband and I build a firm foundation for our marriage and we each go back to meetings when we feel the need, recognizing that it isn't like an antibiotic that fixes the problem in one round of treatment. We don't make it a big deal, but it is a major factor in our still being together 22 years later (as of August 2013). Regardless of our love for each other and our kids, we had some serious difficulties in the beginning and alanon helped us understand ourselves, each other, and how we interacted so that we could work to meld our lives into a family that works for us. Maybe this will give your husband some insight into what happens and why it is important for everyone to get help. If you only maintain the tires, eventually your car will run out of gas, oil, and other essentials and won't work. Families are like that too. [/QUOTE]
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