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Hate...what is it?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 668154" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I think they were hurt too, Copa. That's what I meant when I posted that ours was not a pretty story. I don't think any of us set out intentionally to behave as we do in our families of origin. It has to do with that article on flexibility verses role rigidity Serenity posted for us. We are frozen into roles in our interactions, and none of us gets to be vulnerable, or real. I do it, too. I was just like, numb nice guy, getting through the family whatever it was and crying about it when I got home. I think it is less golden child for our sisters than how they were able to create a self who could survive. We might have done the same, had that option been available to us.</p><p></p><p>Someone had to carry the nasty of it. That was us; that was our role. Beneath it all, if Nietzsche was correct in his belief that love is the default emotion, each member of our families would come into that ability to love, if they could break through the roles. That is the sadness in it, for all of us.</p><p></p><p>Shunned already, we had nothing to lose by breaking through the roles. It still took a determined effort to do it. Our families still have family. They will operate through their roles and maybe, they will be fine...but I think, not to us.</p><p></p><p>The value in this for me, is having a glimpse, just a look back at something long over, of what it felt like to be that little girl that I was.</p><p></p><p>Or that my sister was, or my brothers.</p><p></p><p>Who knows how many generations back it even started.</p><p></p><p>We all are doing the best we know. The pseudo mom role makes sense to me. It fits with the sisters' behaviors, and with the brothers' willingness to go along with them if pushed to choose which way to go.</p><p></p><p>Hurtful, but better to know.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think our sisters know, and don't know, Copa. Like us, they are trapped in their roles, too. If they are proud of us, they feel less. If they feel proud of themselves and easy in their skins, we are relegated, one more time, to the dungeon at the center of town.</p><p></p><p>No one wins, really. Either way, both sisters lose a sister. Either way, the brother just wants to be left alone. Either way, the mother's relationship to whichever child is pseudo mom (or scapegoat, in Serenity's terms) is twisted into something comprised of numbness and role playing.</p><p></p><p>If there is a win, it is reclamation of self, and of autonomy. </p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 668154, member: 17461"] I think they were hurt too, Copa. That's what I meant when I posted that ours was not a pretty story. I don't think any of us set out intentionally to behave as we do in our families of origin. It has to do with that article on flexibility verses role rigidity Serenity posted for us. We are frozen into roles in our interactions, and none of us gets to be vulnerable, or real. I do it, too. I was just like, numb nice guy, getting through the family whatever it was and crying about it when I got home. I think it is less golden child for our sisters than how they were able to create a self who could survive. We might have done the same, had that option been available to us. Someone had to carry the nasty of it. That was us; that was our role. Beneath it all, if Nietzsche was correct in his belief that love is the default emotion, each member of our families would come into that ability to love, if they could break through the roles. That is the sadness in it, for all of us. Shunned already, we had nothing to lose by breaking through the roles. It still took a determined effort to do it. Our families still have family. They will operate through their roles and maybe, they will be fine...but I think, not to us. The value in this for me, is having a glimpse, just a look back at something long over, of what it felt like to be that little girl that I was. Or that my sister was, or my brothers. Who knows how many generations back it even started. We all are doing the best we know. The pseudo mom role makes sense to me. It fits with the sisters' behaviors, and with the brothers' willingness to go along with them if pushed to choose which way to go. Hurtful, but better to know. I think our sisters know, and don't know, Copa. Like us, they are trapped in their roles, too. If they are proud of us, they feel less. If they feel proud of themselves and easy in their skins, we are relegated, one more time, to the dungeon at the center of town. No one wins, really. Either way, both sisters lose a sister. Either way, the brother just wants to be left alone. Either way, the mother's relationship to whichever child is pseudo mom (or scapegoat, in Serenity's terms) is twisted into something comprised of numbness and role playing. If there is a win, it is reclamation of self, and of autonomy. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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