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Have ODD student...need help!
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 403608" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>First off, is child protection or social services involved? Getting "whooped" for every bad call from a teacher could be abuse. Are there other signs of abuse? His behavior alone could be a sign of abuse in the home. Now I am a mom of a young man who was disturbed and we did NOTHING to abuse him, same for most parents on this board. At the same time, I KNOW for a cold hard fact that most of the kids in my son's ED class the year he was in one were abused at home. not only were there signs on their bodies, quite a few of the moms actually TOLD me so. It is part of your job to be a mandatory reporter. It is NOT NOT NOT part of your job to be the one to figure out if these signs taht could be abuse are actually abuse or not. I know if my son had acted the way your student does, there likely would have been more than 1 investigation because the teachers would not have known if he was abused or not. You say you are pretty sure there is criminal activity in the home - that should also be reported.</p><p> </p><p>If mom is 21 and son is 8 then mom had him at 13 - there is NO WAY a 13 yo could be a responsible, properly attached parent. Just couldn't be in our society. Sure, in other parts of the world maybe it is their norm, but here iwth so many other things and the fact that no 13yo is even considered old enough to consent to sex, her getting pregnant was because of abuse of some kind and likely makes her not able to really know what good parenting is. </p><p> </p><p>This kid was born with every strike against him. Simmply being born to such a young mother who's body is NOT ready to bear a child can lead to real problems, add her immaturity, the likely abuse, etc... and the kid didn't have much of a chance. Get social services involved. Then start writing a log of everything that you can. Put the bigger issues/episodes on a timeline so that others can graphically SEE his impact on a daily basis. Take a look at the parent report outline and see what you can use to create a report of his problems to push the school and social services and any mental health agencies in the area to get involved. </p><p> </p><p>It isn't going to be easy. I strongly, STRONGLY encourage you to make the report to social services anonymously. I KNOW that it isn't supposed to be revealed or held against you, but we all know the world and what is supposed to happen are different. I have heard many stories of teachers getting into trouble with administration for making reports that their principal or supervisor or even the child's regular teacher didn't think was warranted, esp if it came out founded and people started asking the school why the reg teacher, etc... didn't report, etc... It can be a political mess. Your school likely doesn't want to pay for an aide for him or for other services so you will have to push and to prove that your room is NOT appropriate. If you have supportive parents of other students, maybe they can be gently guided to complain about this child interrupting their child's education because there are not enough adults in the room to supervise him and to teach. I helped with that a couple fo times for my kids' teachers when our administration didn't want to provide help. </p><p> </p><p>Also read "The Explosive Child" and check out the Love and Logic books and website. I am not sure exactly which L&L books would be most helpful, but they have a LOT of teacher stuff. the website is <a href="http://www.loveandlogic.com" target="_blank">www.loveandlogic.com</a>. </p><p> </p><p>the parent report that I mentioned can be found by clicking the link in my signature. It is VERY helpful to parents hwo want to communicate everything that they have done/tried/experienced with their kids and may be helpful with your situation also.</p><p> </p><p>Above and beyond all of this, find a therapist to help you handle all of this. You clearly care very much and it can really eat you alive to have to deal with a situation like this. I had a coworker who's wife taught profoundly handicapped students in a ghetto school. it ate her alive, quite literally, esp when she wound up buying over 50 winter coats one year with help from her parents and some of us who worked with her husband and second hand stores because her students' parents sold their coats for crack and meth money. Your sitiation is a bit different, but if anything even MORE stressful because her students couldn't talk or even move with-o help. You need help to process all that this will do to your emotions and allt hes tress. There is no shame in seeking help. also go to your doctor for a checkup. GEt everything tested - esp thyroid, which can contribute to depression. Then discuss medications for anxiety and depression with your doctor. LOTS of people who deal with kids like this and situations like the one this boy is in need HELP and medications can be very effective. </p><p> </p><p>Try to find some "me" time - pick up a hobby that you used to enjoy, or start a new one. meditate or do yoga or try to exercise more. Whatever can help you deal with the stress and recharge your batteries. If you need to, take a couple of mental health days and don't let yourself feel guilty about doing some things for YOU.</p><p> </p><p>I am so sorry that he is so difficult to handle. it isn't your fault and he is blessed to ahve a teacher who cares as much as you do. Thank you for caring so much about a child like this - sadly there are a lot of kids like him who don't ever have someone who cares to this degree about them. I have seen them in some of the schools my kids have attended and my dad taught in.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 403608, member: 1233"] First off, is child protection or social services involved? Getting "whooped" for every bad call from a teacher could be abuse. Are there other signs of abuse? His behavior alone could be a sign of abuse in the home. Now I am a mom of a young man who was disturbed and we did NOTHING to abuse him, same for most parents on this board. At the same time, I KNOW for a cold hard fact that most of the kids in my son's ED class the year he was in one were abused at home. not only were there signs on their bodies, quite a few of the moms actually TOLD me so. It is part of your job to be a mandatory reporter. It is NOT NOT NOT part of your job to be the one to figure out if these signs taht could be abuse are actually abuse or not. I know if my son had acted the way your student does, there likely would have been more than 1 investigation because the teachers would not have known if he was abused or not. You say you are pretty sure there is criminal activity in the home - that should also be reported. If mom is 21 and son is 8 then mom had him at 13 - there is NO WAY a 13 yo could be a responsible, properly attached parent. Just couldn't be in our society. Sure, in other parts of the world maybe it is their norm, but here iwth so many other things and the fact that no 13yo is even considered old enough to consent to sex, her getting pregnant was because of abuse of some kind and likely makes her not able to really know what good parenting is. This kid was born with every strike against him. Simmply being born to such a young mother who's body is NOT ready to bear a child can lead to real problems, add her immaturity, the likely abuse, etc... and the kid didn't have much of a chance. Get social services involved. Then start writing a log of everything that you can. Put the bigger issues/episodes on a timeline so that others can graphically SEE his impact on a daily basis. Take a look at the parent report outline and see what you can use to create a report of his problems to push the school and social services and any mental health agencies in the area to get involved. It isn't going to be easy. I strongly, STRONGLY encourage you to make the report to social services anonymously. I KNOW that it isn't supposed to be revealed or held against you, but we all know the world and what is supposed to happen are different. I have heard many stories of teachers getting into trouble with administration for making reports that their principal or supervisor or even the child's regular teacher didn't think was warranted, esp if it came out founded and people started asking the school why the reg teacher, etc... didn't report, etc... It can be a political mess. Your school likely doesn't want to pay for an aide for him or for other services so you will have to push and to prove that your room is NOT appropriate. If you have supportive parents of other students, maybe they can be gently guided to complain about this child interrupting their child's education because there are not enough adults in the room to supervise him and to teach. I helped with that a couple fo times for my kids' teachers when our administration didn't want to provide help. Also read "The Explosive Child" and check out the Love and Logic books and website. I am not sure exactly which L&L books would be most helpful, but they have a LOT of teacher stuff. the website is [URL="http://www.loveandlogic.com"]www.loveandlogic.com[/URL]. the parent report that I mentioned can be found by clicking the link in my signature. It is VERY helpful to parents hwo want to communicate everything that they have done/tried/experienced with their kids and may be helpful with your situation also. Above and beyond all of this, find a therapist to help you handle all of this. You clearly care very much and it can really eat you alive to have to deal with a situation like this. I had a coworker who's wife taught profoundly handicapped students in a ghetto school. it ate her alive, quite literally, esp when she wound up buying over 50 winter coats one year with help from her parents and some of us who worked with her husband and second hand stores because her students' parents sold their coats for crack and meth money. Your sitiation is a bit different, but if anything even MORE stressful because her students couldn't talk or even move with-o help. You need help to process all that this will do to your emotions and allt hes tress. There is no shame in seeking help. also go to your doctor for a checkup. GEt everything tested - esp thyroid, which can contribute to depression. Then discuss medications for anxiety and depression with your doctor. LOTS of people who deal with kids like this and situations like the one this boy is in need HELP and medications can be very effective. Try to find some "me" time - pick up a hobby that you used to enjoy, or start a new one. meditate or do yoga or try to exercise more. Whatever can help you deal with the stress and recharge your batteries. If you need to, take a couple of mental health days and don't let yourself feel guilty about doing some things for YOU. I am so sorry that he is so difficult to handle. it isn't your fault and he is blessed to ahve a teacher who cares as much as you do. Thank you for caring so much about a child like this - sadly there are a lot of kids like him who don't ever have someone who cares to this degree about them. I have seen them in some of the schools my kids have attended and my dad taught in. [/QUOTE]
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