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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 251019" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>kjs</p><p> </p><p>You can make this stop, by refusing to do it anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Sounds really simple, huh? But it's not. Not at first anyway. Why? Because over the years you've had husband and difficult child wearing you down to get your to fit nicely into your role as doormat. And I don't say that to be mean. Really. Because I've been in that role myself. And it wasn't fun. But during those years when they were wearing you down.......this process became "normal" for you. </p><p> </p><p>So that now, when you've reached your breaking point, you still feel guilty when you don't forfill your assigned role. And I'm guessing that deep down maybe you don't like confrontation. I know I never did, and still don't. So to avoid nasty confrontation.......you just go right ahead and do what you've always done no matter how awful they treat you. And it's not even necessarily that you're a glutton for punishment. But that you have come to believe that everything will fall apart if you aren't there keeping it together.</p><p> </p><p>And maybe it will. But would that honestly be such a bad thing? </p><p> </p><p>What is so good that you're trying to save? (that is what I had to ask myself)</p><p> </p><p>Sweetie, if you go rent an apartment.......why would you need to pay for the house? You wouldn't be living there. husband could pay for it if he wants to keep it. It would no longer be your problem.</p><p> </p><p>See what I mean?</p><p> </p><p>You have to change YOUR way of thinking first. Because you may never change theirs. However you can change how you will let them treat you.</p><p> </p><p>I'm a pleaser and a giver by nature. husband and my kids never disrespected me because that was never a line I'd allow them to cross. BUT they did take advantage of me.....and I got worn down into the role until I couldn't even see it........until I reached my breaking point. Oh, and menopause helped. lol <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p> </p><p>husband and the kids thought I'd been possessed for a while. Then eventually figured out I was just fed up being the only one doing everything.</p><p> </p><p>Do you have a therapist for yourself? If not, you might consider it as a way to help you learn to just say NO.</p><p> </p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 251019, member: 84"] kjs You can make this stop, by refusing to do it anymore. Sounds really simple, huh? But it's not. Not at first anyway. Why? Because over the years you've had husband and difficult child wearing you down to get your to fit nicely into your role as doormat. And I don't say that to be mean. Really. Because I've been in that role myself. And it wasn't fun. But during those years when they were wearing you down.......this process became "normal" for you. So that now, when you've reached your breaking point, you still feel guilty when you don't forfill your assigned role. And I'm guessing that deep down maybe you don't like confrontation. I know I never did, and still don't. So to avoid nasty confrontation.......you just go right ahead and do what you've always done no matter how awful they treat you. And it's not even necessarily that you're a glutton for punishment. But that you have come to believe that everything will fall apart if you aren't there keeping it together. And maybe it will. But would that honestly be such a bad thing? What is so good that you're trying to save? (that is what I had to ask myself) Sweetie, if you go rent an apartment.......why would you need to pay for the house? You wouldn't be living there. husband could pay for it if he wants to keep it. It would no longer be your problem. See what I mean? You have to change YOUR way of thinking first. Because you may never change theirs. However you can change how you will let them treat you. I'm a pleaser and a giver by nature. husband and my kids never disrespected me because that was never a line I'd allow them to cross. BUT they did take advantage of me.....and I got worn down into the role until I couldn't even see it........until I reached my breaking point. Oh, and menopause helped. lol ;) husband and the kids thought I'd been possessed for a while. Then eventually figured out I was just fed up being the only one doing everything. Do you have a therapist for yourself? If not, you might consider it as a way to help you learn to just say NO. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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