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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 474844" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>My son has attachment issues and while sorting things thru (lots of medical needs and he is autistic) i had us go thru some specialized Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) therapies. I learned a lot and thru some bad experiences learned what the books on adoption of older kids tell you (this is where you will get the most info even though you did not need to adopt, it is the same kind of situation...a broken bond between birth to three years old, people think oh they are young they will forget...NOPE it is that this is the critical time to form a bond and if they experience disruptions at the least and pain and hurt and neglect at the worst, they will not be able to trust and in fact will not risk a bond with those who try to bond with them the most. I fired a few therapists because they broke all the rules for attachment therapy...never the child alone etc. These kids can snow a therapist who does not know that they can be superficially charming to other people. It makes the parents look crabby and inappropriate. In fact one of the criteria often listed is "angry/upset parents" because they have been driven to it, not the other way around.</p><p></p><p>Look online for Reactive Attachment disorder. In book stores there are books on adopting the older child, toddler adoption etc. You will find lots of info on that. also most of teh books address prenatal drug exposure because that is common in kids who end up in foster care. your son sounds like he has neurological damage from teh drug exposure (impulse control for sure, right??) and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) symptoms. </p><p></p><p>There are therapies that work but not with all kids so it is important to try and to use the RIGHT therapies. maybe do lots of reading and research and Join adoption groups that focus on Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Just some thoughts that might work, you of course decide if anything we say fits! smile~</p><p></p><p>I know you love him... he is lucky for that. My cousin did the same, her hubby didn't even know he had a son...social services called him telling him that htey had his son in foster care... he moved in at age 4...so much drama, he was really a hurt child. My cousin is his mom now...they have been thru hell but he has improved and he is not aggressive anymore. Still can be oppositional and hyper. Still low self esteem compared to a typical child. but really tries and loves his sister and parents. It is so sad for them, but you have to care for the others... </p><p></p><p>I would ask too...please rehome the pets. they can't tell on difficult child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 474844, member: 12886"] My son has attachment issues and while sorting things thru (lots of medical needs and he is autistic) i had us go thru some specialized Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) therapies. I learned a lot and thru some bad experiences learned what the books on adoption of older kids tell you (this is where you will get the most info even though you did not need to adopt, it is the same kind of situation...a broken bond between birth to three years old, people think oh they are young they will forget...NOPE it is that this is the critical time to form a bond and if they experience disruptions at the least and pain and hurt and neglect at the worst, they will not be able to trust and in fact will not risk a bond with those who try to bond with them the most. I fired a few therapists because they broke all the rules for attachment therapy...never the child alone etc. These kids can snow a therapist who does not know that they can be superficially charming to other people. It makes the parents look crabby and inappropriate. In fact one of the criteria often listed is "angry/upset parents" because they have been driven to it, not the other way around. Look online for Reactive Attachment disorder. In book stores there are books on adopting the older child, toddler adoption etc. You will find lots of info on that. also most of teh books address prenatal drug exposure because that is common in kids who end up in foster care. your son sounds like he has neurological damage from teh drug exposure (impulse control for sure, right??) and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) symptoms. There are therapies that work but not with all kids so it is important to try and to use the RIGHT therapies. maybe do lots of reading and research and Join adoption groups that focus on Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Just some thoughts that might work, you of course decide if anything we say fits! smile~ I know you love him... he is lucky for that. My cousin did the same, her hubby didn't even know he had a son...social services called him telling him that htey had his son in foster care... he moved in at age 4...so much drama, he was really a hurt child. My cousin is his mom now...they have been thru hell but he has improved and he is not aggressive anymore. Still can be oppositional and hyper. Still low self esteem compared to a typical child. but really tries and loves his sister and parents. It is so sad for them, but you have to care for the others... I would ask too...please rehome the pets. they can't tell on difficult child. [/QUOTE]
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