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Having a hard time "AGAIN"
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 340155" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi Missy, </p><p></p><p>Wow you sure have been though a lot since you've been gone. I'm impressed with your ability to have seen your son at the door with garbage bag full of clothes and say no. I know that must have been very hard. </p><p></p><p>Dude is staying with us now. We took him in after foster care gave him almost no time to find another home and then the caseworkers dumped his case. Oddly enough since October all of these "Oh we want to see him succeed" people? Haven't even called us once. Wow - 5 months after 10 years and not even a follow up call. Nice. </p><p></p><p>I think if this were your ONLY child? It may have a better chance of success. Even with Dude being our only kid? It's been really up and down. The biggest adjustment for all of us was that the foster family literally just collected a paycheck but told us they were doing everything in their power to help. This included - no curfew, not monitoring his friends, not taking away the keys to his car, not locking his car up with no license or tags...I mean how hard is that? YOU OWE a TOW YARD. And as far as curfew? Two parents hiding in the dark flipping in the lights yelling SURPRISE.....go back outside....the house is closed you weren't here on time...sleep inthe yard..here's a blanket. Means a little something. So does...you choose your own company - but that kid that smells like marijuana? He can't come here any more. </p><p></p><p>So I guess you could make a list of rules....and keep him out? But my thoughts are if he's out now? WHY can't he find friends and stay out on his own? Is he afraid he'll use again/vs. sobriety? Or is it a money thing in which he wants a flop house so he can go out, spend money and party too. I mean if there is a rule about you will sign your checks over to us and save save save for an apartment? Then yeah....but most 19 year olds? OH fleamarket, movies, party.......and then on Monday? You ask them to buy their own package of socks....because they are asking YOU for a pair and you ask THEM where is their money and they show you a $35 ball cap, a new pair of Nikes and a pre-paid cell phone....and they're broke and you're furious. </p><p></p><p>Really think it through about ALL the angles.......food, rent, utilities, soap powder, shampoo, razors, clothes, rides to and from places, insurance, phones, maybe......make a list of ALL the things he did that really made everyone uncomfortable......and then go over that list with husband.....and see what can be done. The other kids have a right to feel safe. So do you. </p><p></p><p>Also locks on the doors......things like that. I mean we thought it through with Dude like NO ONES business and we had 2 weeks to plan.....and still we are finding things that are like....(slap head) HOW did we miss THAT....and yet again......we think WHY should we have to think HOW did we miss that? it's OUR HOME. See? (oh and if he needs more garbage bags, get ahold of Suz....she has a connection.link...lol) </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 340155, member: 4964"] Hi Missy, Wow you sure have been though a lot since you've been gone. I'm impressed with your ability to have seen your son at the door with garbage bag full of clothes and say no. I know that must have been very hard. Dude is staying with us now. We took him in after foster care gave him almost no time to find another home and then the caseworkers dumped his case. Oddly enough since October all of these "Oh we want to see him succeed" people? Haven't even called us once. Wow - 5 months after 10 years and not even a follow up call. Nice. I think if this were your ONLY child? It may have a better chance of success. Even with Dude being our only kid? It's been really up and down. The biggest adjustment for all of us was that the foster family literally just collected a paycheck but told us they were doing everything in their power to help. This included - no curfew, not monitoring his friends, not taking away the keys to his car, not locking his car up with no license or tags...I mean how hard is that? YOU OWE a TOW YARD. And as far as curfew? Two parents hiding in the dark flipping in the lights yelling SURPRISE.....go back outside....the house is closed you weren't here on time...sleep inthe yard..here's a blanket. Means a little something. So does...you choose your own company - but that kid that smells like marijuana? He can't come here any more. So I guess you could make a list of rules....and keep him out? But my thoughts are if he's out now? WHY can't he find friends and stay out on his own? Is he afraid he'll use again/vs. sobriety? Or is it a money thing in which he wants a flop house so he can go out, spend money and party too. I mean if there is a rule about you will sign your checks over to us and save save save for an apartment? Then yeah....but most 19 year olds? OH fleamarket, movies, party.......and then on Monday? You ask them to buy their own package of socks....because they are asking YOU for a pair and you ask THEM where is their money and they show you a $35 ball cap, a new pair of Nikes and a pre-paid cell phone....and they're broke and you're furious. Really think it through about ALL the angles.......food, rent, utilities, soap powder, shampoo, razors, clothes, rides to and from places, insurance, phones, maybe......make a list of ALL the things he did that really made everyone uncomfortable......and then go over that list with husband.....and see what can be done. The other kids have a right to feel safe. So do you. Also locks on the doors......things like that. I mean we thought it through with Dude like NO ONES business and we had 2 weeks to plan.....and still we are finding things that are like....(slap head) HOW did we miss THAT....and yet again......we think WHY should we have to think HOW did we miss that? it's OUR HOME. See? (oh and if he needs more garbage bags, get ahold of Suz....she has a connection.link...lol) Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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