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Having a rough day today
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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 640667" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>Just got up but went to bed teary eyed - I know it will pass AGAIN but I absolutely loath to ALWAYS have to guard myself even with my own thoughts about her. </p><p>I thought about it last night and for those of you who don't know a sociopath is not necessarily a murderer or the same as a psychopath. Although both Socio's and borderlines do probably make up the majority of the violent prison population. Mine has been violent in the past but not to me. She wanted to become a lawyer but was prohibited because of a violent felony for trying to run someone over with a car. Became a paralegal instead but hell, she is so smart with the law and it's loopholes, and can argue for herself the finer points of the law she might as well be one, if only for herself and to get by with things in business that are marginally "legal". (define what the word "is" is aka Bill Clinton LOL) </p><p>The thing that is so hard is that while I fear her/her behavior there are things that I find very likable about her. We both share a wicked sense of both wit and humor, so obviously I miss the fun daughter. There are also traits that she has that are things (I wouldn't call them values for her because Sociopaths can't integrate values) that I taught her that are in hindsight, also those things that help her lure people into her web. She is also very charming - but all that is just a mask she wears. When I was dealing last year (for just over a year) with her after not dealing with her for 4 years, when I saw the "nice" mask slipping and the ugly mask rear I would just stop answering her calls, was honestly beginning to think that I would only deal with her when she wore her "nice to mommy mask", but there was only just a bigger game going on behind the mask. Dealing with her becomes both mentally and emotionally exhausting. It is definitely a "mind ***k" came, and frankly I just and not up to it anymore. For those of you who didn't read my answer on another post I made: I have a painful chronic debilitating disease which I am trying to manage the best I can <em>Without</em> narcotic pain medications, although my Doctor insists that I have them on hand for breakthrough pain. That is also why I am back in therapy again - trying to find alternative ways to deal with chronic pain. And I made that plan <em>before </em>things fell apart with difficult child and am proud of myself for following through and dealing with what I needed to do to take care of me despite the hell she put me through just prior to me going back into therapy.</p><p>Thanks so much for the support, knowing I have somewhere safe to share my feelings means the world to me!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 640667, member: 18366"] Just got up but went to bed teary eyed - I know it will pass AGAIN but I absolutely loath to ALWAYS have to guard myself even with my own thoughts about her. I thought about it last night and for those of you who don't know a sociopath is not necessarily a murderer or the same as a psychopath. Although both Socio's and borderlines do probably make up the majority of the violent prison population. Mine has been violent in the past but not to me. She wanted to become a lawyer but was prohibited because of a violent felony for trying to run someone over with a car. Became a paralegal instead but hell, she is so smart with the law and it's loopholes, and can argue for herself the finer points of the law she might as well be one, if only for herself and to get by with things in business that are marginally "legal". (define what the word "is" is aka Bill Clinton LOL) The thing that is so hard is that while I fear her/her behavior there are things that I find very likable about her. We both share a wicked sense of both wit and humor, so obviously I miss the fun daughter. There are also traits that she has that are things (I wouldn't call them values for her because Sociopaths can't integrate values) that I taught her that are in hindsight, also those things that help her lure people into her web. She is also very charming - but all that is just a mask she wears. When I was dealing last year (for just over a year) with her after not dealing with her for 4 years, when I saw the "nice" mask slipping and the ugly mask rear I would just stop answering her calls, was honestly beginning to think that I would only deal with her when she wore her "nice to mommy mask", but there was only just a bigger game going on behind the mask. Dealing with her becomes both mentally and emotionally exhausting. It is definitely a "mind ***k" came, and frankly I just and not up to it anymore. For those of you who didn't read my answer on another post I made: I have a painful chronic debilitating disease which I am trying to manage the best I can [I]Without[/I] narcotic pain medications, although my Doctor insists that I have them on hand for breakthrough pain. That is also why I am back in therapy again - trying to find alternative ways to deal with chronic pain. And I made that plan [I]before [/I]things fell apart with difficult child and am proud of myself for following through and dealing with what I needed to do to take care of me despite the hell she put me through just prior to me going back into therapy. Thanks so much for the support, knowing I have somewhere safe to share my feelings means the world to me! [/QUOTE]
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