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He’s done it again.
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 738202" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>I'm so sorry Prayforus. This is not your fault, this is not your doing. There are no rule books for us to follow.</p><p>Each time we have and "incident" with our adult difficult child it's another lesson learned and another piece of our heart that's broken.</p><p>My heart has been broken by my son so many times I could do one of those Gorilla Glue commercials!</p><p>I have been where you are, I say NO MORE and my husband says but he needs help. My husband and I have had some doozy fights over our son. I don't remember when it happened, it's been years, but I had a talk with my husband and told him that our son was driving a wedge between us. I told him I valued our marriage to much to let that happen. There for a while our whole world revolved around the chaos of our sons life choices. We were both beaten down and worn out! We were slowly becoming strangers. I knew something needed to change so we started taking time just for us. We would take a long drive on the weekend and the one rule was, *no discussing difficult adult son*. There is something about being in the car together with no particular place to go, just driving, music on the radio, and sometimes just silence between us but in that silence to reach over and put my hand on my husbands leg as he was driving, just a small touch but a touch that spoke through the silence. Stopping in little towns for a bite to eat or wondering through an antique store. Going on these drives helped us to re-connect and from there we were able to start having some serious conversations about our son.</p><p>When I told my husband that I was afraid of our son he was shocked. I shared with him how when our son was around my anxiety was off the charts. </p><p>The main thing was to have conversations about our son before the "next crisis" hit and to have a plan in place.</p><p>Share with your husband that you feel used by your son. Share with him that having your son around makes you feel anxious. Share with him. </p><p>I learned something about sharing, it's not what you say, it's how you say it.</p><p>Don't say: "I feel used by our son"</p><p>Do say: "When son reaches out to us in desperation and we help him and then he takes off, it make me feel used"</p><p>Hang in there!! You are not alone in this.</p><p>((HUGS))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 738202, member: 18516"] I'm so sorry Prayforus. This is not your fault, this is not your doing. There are no rule books for us to follow. Each time we have and "incident" with our adult difficult child it's another lesson learned and another piece of our heart that's broken. My heart has been broken by my son so many times I could do one of those Gorilla Glue commercials! I have been where you are, I say NO MORE and my husband says but he needs help. My husband and I have had some doozy fights over our son. I don't remember when it happened, it's been years, but I had a talk with my husband and told him that our son was driving a wedge between us. I told him I valued our marriage to much to let that happen. There for a while our whole world revolved around the chaos of our sons life choices. We were both beaten down and worn out! We were slowly becoming strangers. I knew something needed to change so we started taking time just for us. We would take a long drive on the weekend and the one rule was, *no discussing difficult adult son*. There is something about being in the car together with no particular place to go, just driving, music on the radio, and sometimes just silence between us but in that silence to reach over and put my hand on my husbands leg as he was driving, just a small touch but a touch that spoke through the silence. Stopping in little towns for a bite to eat or wondering through an antique store. Going on these drives helped us to re-connect and from there we were able to start having some serious conversations about our son. When I told my husband that I was afraid of our son he was shocked. I shared with him how when our son was around my anxiety was off the charts. The main thing was to have conversations about our son before the "next crisis" hit and to have a plan in place. Share with your husband that you feel used by your son. Share with him that having your son around makes you feel anxious. Share with him. I learned something about sharing, it's not what you say, it's how you say it. Don't say: "I feel used by our son" Do say: "When son reaches out to us in desperation and we help him and then he takes off, it make me feel used" Hang in there!! You are not alone in this. ((HUGS)) [/QUOTE]
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