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General Parenting
He Doesn't Have a Clue...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 298740" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I'm hoping he didn't damage the book (for once).</p><p></p><p>Somewhere in there is a scared, frightened kid. That's for sure. But you don't go in to give such a kid a loving hug until you've double-checked that he's not holding a knife behind his back waiting to plunge it into you...</p><p></p><p>H's behaviour all through this has primarily been one of covering tracks. Instead of trying to look further ahead, he's lurching from crisis to crisis, using denial as hhis main coping strategy. The problem with this - his son desperately needs GOOD treatment and constant supervision. And while tis denial is going on, it's never gonig to happen. So difficult child is going to grow from a scared, confused, disturbed kid into a dangerously unstable and manipulative adult. As an adult he will be more likely either dangerously at large, or in prison. NOT getting the medical help he so desperately needs and that his father is denying, because of his own fears and desires.</p><p></p><p>We all have different reasons for coming to this site. My difficult child 3 is a malleable darling compared to some of the trasures here. But we all love our kids, even if sometimes we don't like them very much. THose of us who are here are all working to help our kids learn to live independently. But not all parents are like this, unfortuantely. And not all kids will ever be able to live independently. Some of us here have horror stories of kids you have had to remove from your home and lives permanently, even to the extent of going into hiding to avoid tem; then deal with the damage done by those kids to the rest of the family. </p><p></p><p>Sociopaths are unfortunately not so rare. I've worked with one. I have another one as a neighbour. Most sociopaths are law-abiding simply because if they get caught, their freedom is curtailed. But there are other laws, of human interaction and social acceptability, that they will break if it suits their purpose to do so. And I'm talking about adults who have learned what society expects and have learned to "keep their head down" at least legally. </p><p></p><p>I'm not so certain WSM's stepson is a sociopath - certainly there is something else there. But how can a kid learn what is right, if it's not being consistently modelled for him? Under these circumstances (a child who is apparently seriously mentally ill and not always fully aware of what he does, plus a father who is so dangerously inconosistent) how can a kid ever learn what is right? And the more this kid 'breaks out' of the confinement imposed on him (for the sake of everyone else's safety) then the more he feels superior to those confining him, and the more dangerously mentally ill he becomes.</p><p></p><p>He needs to be hospitalised or institutionalised, out of the home and somewhere that he can be supervised by people who won't be conned by the wide brown eyes looking innocent.</p><p></p><p>There is nothing wrong with wanting to show love to a child who is disturbed, but you should never let it blind you to the dangers - to yourself, and to that child by failure to properly treat what is wrong.</p><p></p><p>WSM, like you I just despair that so much time has been wasted, when this boy could have been getting proper treatment. Soon it will be too late. If it isn't already. Then all you can do is salvage. I suspect H secretly beleives this now, which is why his main strategies are stalling and denial.</p><p></p><p>Sounds to me that H has pickled what few brain cells remain. Who can pronounce "self-medicate"?</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 298740, member: 1991"] I'm hoping he didn't damage the book (for once). Somewhere in there is a scared, frightened kid. That's for sure. But you don't go in to give such a kid a loving hug until you've double-checked that he's not holding a knife behind his back waiting to plunge it into you... H's behaviour all through this has primarily been one of covering tracks. Instead of trying to look further ahead, he's lurching from crisis to crisis, using denial as hhis main coping strategy. The problem with this - his son desperately needs GOOD treatment and constant supervision. And while tis denial is going on, it's never gonig to happen. So difficult child is going to grow from a scared, confused, disturbed kid into a dangerously unstable and manipulative adult. As an adult he will be more likely either dangerously at large, or in prison. NOT getting the medical help he so desperately needs and that his father is denying, because of his own fears and desires. We all have different reasons for coming to this site. My difficult child 3 is a malleable darling compared to some of the trasures here. But we all love our kids, even if sometimes we don't like them very much. THose of us who are here are all working to help our kids learn to live independently. But not all parents are like this, unfortuantely. And not all kids will ever be able to live independently. Some of us here have horror stories of kids you have had to remove from your home and lives permanently, even to the extent of going into hiding to avoid tem; then deal with the damage done by those kids to the rest of the family. Sociopaths are unfortunately not so rare. I've worked with one. I have another one as a neighbour. Most sociopaths are law-abiding simply because if they get caught, their freedom is curtailed. But there are other laws, of human interaction and social acceptability, that they will break if it suits their purpose to do so. And I'm talking about adults who have learned what society expects and have learned to "keep their head down" at least legally. I'm not so certain WSM's stepson is a sociopath - certainly there is something else there. But how can a kid learn what is right, if it's not being consistently modelled for him? Under these circumstances (a child who is apparently seriously mentally ill and not always fully aware of what he does, plus a father who is so dangerously inconosistent) how can a kid ever learn what is right? And the more this kid 'breaks out' of the confinement imposed on him (for the sake of everyone else's safety) then the more he feels superior to those confining him, and the more dangerously mentally ill he becomes. He needs to be hospitalised or institutionalised, out of the home and somewhere that he can be supervised by people who won't be conned by the wide brown eyes looking innocent. There is nothing wrong with wanting to show love to a child who is disturbed, but you should never let it blind you to the dangers - to yourself, and to that child by failure to properly treat what is wrong. WSM, like you I just despair that so much time has been wasted, when this boy could have been getting proper treatment. Soon it will be too late. If it isn't already. Then all you can do is salvage. I suspect H secretly beleives this now, which is why his main strategies are stalling and denial. Sounds to me that H has pickled what few brain cells remain. Who can pronounce "self-medicate"? Marg [/QUOTE]
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