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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 755040" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>I think what you did was fine. You let him know that you love him, you offered some very practical tools for him and that is enough.</p><p>Of course it hurts our hearts to see our children suffer no matter what age they are but we must hold firm in our resolve that we cannot, nor should we live their lives for them.</p><p>My son has been in and out of jail quite a few times. My husband and I have gone above and beyond to try and help him. Bottom line, what I have learned, sometimes they just don't want the help. Don't get me wrong, they want us to continue to enable them but they don't want to do the hard work that is needed to progress their lives onto a more stable foundation. </p><p>I've been on the receiving end of desperate messages from my son saying he was going to freeze to death or starve to death. My reply to him was simple, "you are smart and I know you will figure something out". </p><p>While the concept is very easy, we choose not to enable our adult children but putting it into practice takes time. I think you are in a very good place. As for getting your hopes up, here's what I do. I allow myself to have 1% of hope that my son will someday live a life that does not involve being a homeless drifter. There is always hope but I'm not going to allow that to consume me because if I do, it will destroy me.</p><p>My son will be 38 next week. </p><p>((HUGS)) to you......... Stay strong, you really are doing great!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 755040, member: 18516"] I think what you did was fine. You let him know that you love him, you offered some very practical tools for him and that is enough. Of course it hurts our hearts to see our children suffer no matter what age they are but we must hold firm in our resolve that we cannot, nor should we live their lives for them. My son has been in and out of jail quite a few times. My husband and I have gone above and beyond to try and help him. Bottom line, what I have learned, sometimes they just don't want the help. Don't get me wrong, they want us to continue to enable them but they don't want to do the hard work that is needed to progress their lives onto a more stable foundation. I've been on the receiving end of desperate messages from my son saying he was going to freeze to death or starve to death. My reply to him was simple, "you are smart and I know you will figure something out". While the concept is very easy, we choose not to enable our adult children but putting it into practice takes time. I think you are in a very good place. As for getting your hopes up, here's what I do. I allow myself to have 1% of hope that my son will someday live a life that does not involve being a homeless drifter. There is always hope but I'm not going to allow that to consume me because if I do, it will destroy me. My son will be 38 next week. ((HUGS)) to you......... Stay strong, you really are doing great!!! [/QUOTE]
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