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He left. What's next for me?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 664043" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>So, maybe this is what our children are doing.</p><p></p><p>One cannot find one's self by going here and there, in terms of a destination, like college. The self is found through mistakes. By discovering where we should not go. Who we should not be. Do not want to do or be. </p><p></p><p>They are becoming by falling through the cracks. By walking into walls. Could our children be getting college degrees in creating a self?</p><p>Staring into the distance, instead of straight ahead. Wasting time not filling it. De-cluttering one's mind and life. Instead of filling it. </p><p></p><p>What is there when nothing else is. In the cracks. Where anger or pain or confusion or doubt seeps through. </p><p></p><p>If we allow ourselves those moments. Who we are and what we need is there. Each minute. Each day.</p><p></p><p>Instead of running from it or towards it. Fixing it. Or trying to douse it out. Or responding to our children's pain and distress by doing the same.</p><p></p><p>Annie speaks about daily crossing off of her to do list something, eliminating the non-essential person, place or thing. To be in time, without condition or container, not filling it up, not using it, like it is a thing to be exploited for gain or for utility. An end in itself not a means to an end. </p><p>In the FOO thread we are seeing that. That our lives as children and young women are right there in our struggles and angst over our children. Because we cannot leave our children. We have no choice but to deal with our pasts. And we create the possibility future, through this collapsing on top of us of everything. </p><p>This speaks to faith. In ourselves and for ourselves and in our children, and for them.</p><p></p><p>This may be the rage of my son. I undercut his strength by my fear instead of faith.</p><p></p><p>Before every young adult needed to go to college, before there were antivirals for Hepatitis, before there was a fast track at all. </p><p></p><p>Not even private property. Only the Village Commons. No suburban home. A cottage or hut. There were series of moments. Random roads to here and there. Impulses to do or not. Craving the beautiful, that which feels good. Suffering the effects or mourning its loss. The need to escape and the pain of waking up.</p><p>And through the accretion of experience, bad and good, by deliberate choice to avoid what is not, and the deliberate seeking what is. We emerge. And that is exactly what our children are doing.</p><p> We find ourselves through paring down the inessential and not through going anywhere, doing or getting anything. This is what we are learning on Nerf's Precepts thread.</p><p>So we have the choice to see our paths with our Difficult Children this way, and ourselves too.</p><p></p><p>That this whole horribleness is a boot camp for self-finding. We didn't choose it. We do not want it. We have no choice but to deal with it. Because we cannot leave our children. We follow them...where they go...even if it is only in our private agonies. Not knowing this is the exact thing we need. </p><p></p><p>That their travails and ours with them reveal who we are. And always were. And our children, too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 664043, member: 18958"] So, maybe this is what our children are doing. One cannot find one's self by going here and there, in terms of a destination, like college. The self is found through mistakes. By discovering where we should not go. Who we should not be. Do not want to do or be. They are becoming by falling through the cracks. By walking into walls. Could our children be getting college degrees in creating a self? Staring into the distance, instead of straight ahead. Wasting time not filling it. De-cluttering one's mind and life. Instead of filling it. What is there when nothing else is. In the cracks. Where anger or pain or confusion or doubt seeps through. If we allow ourselves those moments. Who we are and what we need is there. Each minute. Each day. Instead of running from it or towards it. Fixing it. Or trying to douse it out. Or responding to our children's pain and distress by doing the same. Annie speaks about daily crossing off of her to do list something, eliminating the non-essential person, place or thing. To be in time, without condition or container, not filling it up, not using it, like it is a thing to be exploited for gain or for utility. An end in itself not a means to an end. In the FOO thread we are seeing that. That our lives as children and young women are right there in our struggles and angst over our children. Because we cannot leave our children. We have no choice but to deal with our pasts. And we create the possibility future, through this collapsing on top of us of everything. This speaks to faith. In ourselves and for ourselves and in our children, and for them. This may be the rage of my son. I undercut his strength by my fear instead of faith. Before every young adult needed to go to college, before there were antivirals for Hepatitis, before there was a fast track at all. Not even private property. Only the Village Commons. No suburban home. A cottage or hut. There were series of moments. Random roads to here and there. Impulses to do or not. Craving the beautiful, that which feels good. Suffering the effects or mourning its loss. The need to escape and the pain of waking up. And through the accretion of experience, bad and good, by deliberate choice to avoid what is not, and the deliberate seeking what is. We emerge. And that is exactly what our children are doing. We find ourselves through paring down the inessential and not through going anywhere, doing or getting anything. This is what we are learning on Nerf's Precepts thread. So we have the choice to see our paths with our Difficult Children this way, and ourselves too. That this whole horribleness is a boot camp for self-finding. We didn't choose it. We do not want it. We have no choice but to deal with it. Because we cannot leave our children. We follow them...where they go...even if it is only in our private agonies. Not knowing this is the exact thing we need. That their travails and ours with them reveal who we are. And always were. And our children, too. [/QUOTE]
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