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Healthy ways to deal with anger - could use some tips
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 586537" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I do also some calmer exercise enhanced with mindfulness type of thingies. I could try to do more of that especially before preparing to go to bed. During a day I'm mostly successful on controlling my thoughts. When I start to think things that cause me anger, I try to redirect my thoughts other things. Work, what I need from grocery store, planning my gardening for the summer, things like that. Still I'm in little crappy mood all the time. And when I go to sleep, those thoughts come back with vengeance. Last night wasn't good either. My dreams were again very violent and same dream seemed to continue even though I woke middle of it and tried to calm myself before getting back to sleep few times, in the dream I had a hitlist that I continued to execute in the most brutal manner. Not a good dream and again at the morning I felt tired and sick.</p><p></p><p>I think I will try writing it out next. I once read from some technique where you write half an hour what ever is on your mind, then stop and close the 'diary.' If I remember correctly you were not supposed to even read them afterwards and I'm sure I wouldn't want to do that any way. Maybe even burning the writing every night would be a good idea. Music or drawing is little tough on me in this. I'm rather critical on myself on those areas (my parents were very disappointed with my lack of excellence in those and while I can play piano and sing like your next person who trained those daily from three-year-old to their late teens and draw like anyone who took art classes twice a week the same time my obvious lack of natural talent tends to just get me irritated.) But maybe listening different type of music would help. I think it can't hurt at least. Maybe listening some punk and darkest Scandinavian black metal combined with beating that punching bag at afternoon and going for softer things for evening would help to release some of this anger during the day so it wouldn't come to my dreams so badly.</p><p></p><p>This anger has been building from when I heard about what happened to my son and I think it brought up also other angers and frustration from over the years I have battled for him and on how much I have failed in protecting him. It's very different from when I have been angry with him. That anger is always tweaked with love and compassion so even when I'm really angry and frustrated with him it doesn't cause this kind of violent feelings. However angry I'm with him, I don't dream of mashing his head or killing him slowly with dull knife. Neither have I ever been this angry to anyone and feeling this violent spooks me. </p><p></p><p>And while this anger has been building up, what husband told really seemed to switch something to worse. It certainly isn't worth it, what has happened has happened and even if those people would be repentant it wouldn't change anything for anyone. But total, continuing disregard of how that kind of incident hurt my child is just so beyond me. I'm just glad that this parent of one of the culprits decided to call husband instead of me. They wanted a guarantee difficult child wouldn't talk to police, if I wouldn't have gotten a brain haemorrhage from 'hah-hah, boys will be boys'-argument, I certainly would had gotten it from 'it would ruin my son's life' or 'we can consider compensating the value of the stuff that got ruined or broken during the incident' (yeah, broken iPod and broken or ruined clothes and some equipment is of course our biggest concern in this...) and never lived to the final threat on how 'it's your boy's life that will be worst ruined, if it comes to publicity.' Luckily husband seems to have stronger blood vessels and this parent was at least smart enough to call and not try to talk about it face to face or husband would be in jail right now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 586537, member: 14557"] I do also some calmer exercise enhanced with mindfulness type of thingies. I could try to do more of that especially before preparing to go to bed. During a day I'm mostly successful on controlling my thoughts. When I start to think things that cause me anger, I try to redirect my thoughts other things. Work, what I need from grocery store, planning my gardening for the summer, things like that. Still I'm in little crappy mood all the time. And when I go to sleep, those thoughts come back with vengeance. Last night wasn't good either. My dreams were again very violent and same dream seemed to continue even though I woke middle of it and tried to calm myself before getting back to sleep few times, in the dream I had a hitlist that I continued to execute in the most brutal manner. Not a good dream and again at the morning I felt tired and sick. I think I will try writing it out next. I once read from some technique where you write half an hour what ever is on your mind, then stop and close the 'diary.' If I remember correctly you were not supposed to even read them afterwards and I'm sure I wouldn't want to do that any way. Maybe even burning the writing every night would be a good idea. Music or drawing is little tough on me in this. I'm rather critical on myself on those areas (my parents were very disappointed with my lack of excellence in those and while I can play piano and sing like your next person who trained those daily from three-year-old to their late teens and draw like anyone who took art classes twice a week the same time my obvious lack of natural talent tends to just get me irritated.) But maybe listening different type of music would help. I think it can't hurt at least. Maybe listening some punk and darkest Scandinavian black metal combined with beating that punching bag at afternoon and going for softer things for evening would help to release some of this anger during the day so it wouldn't come to my dreams so badly. This anger has been building from when I heard about what happened to my son and I think it brought up also other angers and frustration from over the years I have battled for him and on how much I have failed in protecting him. It's very different from when I have been angry with him. That anger is always tweaked with love and compassion so even when I'm really angry and frustrated with him it doesn't cause this kind of violent feelings. However angry I'm with him, I don't dream of mashing his head or killing him slowly with dull knife. Neither have I ever been this angry to anyone and feeling this violent spooks me. And while this anger has been building up, what husband told really seemed to switch something to worse. It certainly isn't worth it, what has happened has happened and even if those people would be repentant it wouldn't change anything for anyone. But total, continuing disregard of how that kind of incident hurt my child is just so beyond me. I'm just glad that this parent of one of the culprits decided to call husband instead of me. They wanted a guarantee difficult child wouldn't talk to police, if I wouldn't have gotten a brain haemorrhage from 'hah-hah, boys will be boys'-argument, I certainly would had gotten it from 'it would ruin my son's life' or 'we can consider compensating the value of the stuff that got ruined or broken during the incident' (yeah, broken iPod and broken or ruined clothes and some equipment is of course our biggest concern in this...) and never lived to the final threat on how 'it's your boy's life that will be worst ruined, if it comes to publicity.' Luckily husband seems to have stronger blood vessels and this parent was at least smart enough to call and not try to talk about it face to face or husband would be in jail right now. [/QUOTE]
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