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Heartbroken over lost dreams
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 574094" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm not sure what to say. I think that we may sometimes have unrealistic expectations when we adopt. We were told that we should not adopt if we had college expectations; that we had to be able to accept what we got. I also read, interestingly, that working class families do the best with adoption because they tend to be more accepting of kids who don't excel in school. Because we had such good counseling in this respect, we decided that we would accept our kids the way they are. And we have. Personally, I think a B average is GREAT. </p><p></p><p>I think we can look at things a different way. Our kids were born with some severe disadvantages. Some were abused. Some took drugs and drank because their birthmothers did. If t hey can overcome that, I think that's as great an honor as MENSA. My son who was born with cocaine in his system, syphillis and had open heart surgery at five months old and whose birthmother was a drug addict is a nice, polite young man who can hold a job and is going to be quite independent. He does not feel sorry for himself or whine or say, "Why me?" He is usually happy. I consider him a gift and my hero. </p><p></p><p>The way I look at things, you don't have to be MENSA or be prom king to be special. I'm sorry for your grieving, JJJ. I think many adoptive parents go through this and most get over it. Our kids tend to be very tenacious and hardworking and very valuable people. We just need to adjust our expectations. Have a better day tomorrow <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 574094, member: 1550"] I'm not sure what to say. I think that we may sometimes have unrealistic expectations when we adopt. We were told that we should not adopt if we had college expectations; that we had to be able to accept what we got. I also read, interestingly, that working class families do the best with adoption because they tend to be more accepting of kids who don't excel in school. Because we had such good counseling in this respect, we decided that we would accept our kids the way they are. And we have. Personally, I think a B average is GREAT. I think we can look at things a different way. Our kids were born with some severe disadvantages. Some were abused. Some took drugs and drank because their birthmothers did. If t hey can overcome that, I think that's as great an honor as MENSA. My son who was born with cocaine in his system, syphillis and had open heart surgery at five months old and whose birthmother was a drug addict is a nice, polite young man who can hold a job and is going to be quite independent. He does not feel sorry for himself or whine or say, "Why me?" He is usually happy. I consider him a gift and my hero. The way I look at things, you don't have to be MENSA or be prom king to be special. I'm sorry for your grieving, JJJ. I think many adoptive parents go through this and most get over it. Our kids tend to be very tenacious and hardworking and very valuable people. We just need to adjust our expectations. Have a better day tomorrow :) [/QUOTE]
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