Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Heartbroken over lost dreams
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 574173" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>In my story there is the irony of having a biological daughter with an extremely high IQ, who mastered everything in school, was an honors student with no effort at all, found school boring because she was often smarter then the teacher. Like others in my family, she had all the brain power necessary to breeze through school but lost out on other abilities which have made life so difficult for her. I'm a sensitive, nurturing woman with great empathy and my daughter has none of those traits, it's as if she were designed to be the polar opposite of me in every single way. The connections I wanted to have with her, the emotional bonds between a mother and a daughter, the closeness, those intimate shared moments all but stopped when she was about 20 years old and some kind of mental disorder, or something, began taking her away. She is an enigma to me and as time has gone by, all I can do is learn to accept what is and grieve all the losses along the way, let go of my perceptions of the way I wanted it to be and in almost every way, let go of her. </p><p></p><p>I really understand the disappointment many of us feel about how reality does not match the way we pictured parenting. It's hard. My daughter is crushed by her feelings that I am never proud of her, I'm caught in the middle of wanting so much to be proud of her and yet, she has done so many hurtful things to her own daughter and to me, has made such poor choices, refuses to get help, holds onto her perceptions as right when all evidence points to the opposite, maintains her right to continue down the path she's on even as she is literally penniless, homeless, friendless and on the brink of disaster constantly. To maintain my own sanity, I've had to detach and accept. For me, the process of detachment is very much like the 5 stages of dying/grief,..... denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance....... I think I've rolled around those 5 feelings for quite awhile, as I believe many of us here do. </p><p></p><p>I think many of us face these heart wrenching feelings with kids who are challenging and different, for whatever reasons. The learning to let go of our expectations, our dreams, our perceptions, our disappointments, our resentments, our angers, our suffering over what could have been and facing and accepting what is, is a monumental task. And, we're all doing it, one step at at time...............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 574173, member: 13542"] In my story there is the irony of having a biological daughter with an extremely high IQ, who mastered everything in school, was an honors student with no effort at all, found school boring because she was often smarter then the teacher. Like others in my family, she had all the brain power necessary to breeze through school but lost out on other abilities which have made life so difficult for her. I'm a sensitive, nurturing woman with great empathy and my daughter has none of those traits, it's as if she were designed to be the polar opposite of me in every single way. The connections I wanted to have with her, the emotional bonds between a mother and a daughter, the closeness, those intimate shared moments all but stopped when she was about 20 years old and some kind of mental disorder, or something, began taking her away. She is an enigma to me and as time has gone by, all I can do is learn to accept what is and grieve all the losses along the way, let go of my perceptions of the way I wanted it to be and in almost every way, let go of her. I really understand the disappointment many of us feel about how reality does not match the way we pictured parenting. It's hard. My daughter is crushed by her feelings that I am never proud of her, I'm caught in the middle of wanting so much to be proud of her and yet, she has done so many hurtful things to her own daughter and to me, has made such poor choices, refuses to get help, holds onto her perceptions as right when all evidence points to the opposite, maintains her right to continue down the path she's on even as she is literally penniless, homeless, friendless and on the brink of disaster constantly. To maintain my own sanity, I've had to detach and accept. For me, the process of detachment is very much like the 5 stages of dying/grief,..... denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance....... I think I've rolled around those 5 feelings for quite awhile, as I believe many of us here do. I think many of us face these heart wrenching feelings with kids who are challenging and different, for whatever reasons. The learning to let go of our expectations, our dreams, our perceptions, our disappointments, our resentments, our angers, our suffering over what could have been and facing and accepting what is, is a monumental task. And, we're all doing it, one step at at time............... [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Heartbroken over lost dreams
Top