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Heartbroken seeking support and advice
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<blockquote data-quote="Roxanne@74" data-source="post: 764722" data-attributes="member: 32965"><p>Hi, Copabanana: thank you so much for your encouragement! As time goes on, I am starting to feel better about the situation. Felt super guilty because I never imagined kicking him out - I wanted him to leave on his own when he was ready, but I think majority of us knows our kids need little kick in a butt to get things going in some instances. You are spot on - I need to change my attitude. Being a helicopter parent that I am, I have always enabled him, which is not helpful. It is very true that making his problems mine isn't teaching him how real life works. In a sense I myself created this "monster". It is super hard to stop being that helicopter parent though because I am a perfectionist with a hint of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) myself. I know it has always been hard for him to live up to my standards and he admitted once that he knows he should be doing more for himself at this stage, so self esteem issues are definitely at play here. Also, it doesn't help that he has always been lazy (the opposite of me). Depression is a real struggle in the military being exposed to things that we as civilians only see on the news or in the movies. Stopping his work out routine and neglecting his body and mind by escaping in the virtual world is a coping mechanism. Less than ideal but at least he doesn't resort to alcohol like many do. Worried about him surviving on his own, but like you said, the ball is in my court. I need to stay strong. Inviting him back will start things all over again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Roxanne@74, post: 764722, member: 32965"] Hi, Copabanana: thank you so much for your encouragement! As time goes on, I am starting to feel better about the situation. Felt super guilty because I never imagined kicking him out - I wanted him to leave on his own when he was ready, but I think majority of us knows our kids need little kick in a butt to get things going in some instances. You are spot on - I need to change my attitude. Being a helicopter parent that I am, I have always enabled him, which is not helpful. It is very true that making his problems mine isn't teaching him how real life works. In a sense I myself created this "monster". It is super hard to stop being that helicopter parent though because I am a perfectionist with a hint of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) myself. I know it has always been hard for him to live up to my standards and he admitted once that he knows he should be doing more for himself at this stage, so self esteem issues are definitely at play here. Also, it doesn't help that he has always been lazy (the opposite of me). Depression is a real struggle in the military being exposed to things that we as civilians only see on the news or in the movies. Stopping his work out routine and neglecting his body and mind by escaping in the virtual world is a coping mechanism. Less than ideal but at least he doesn't resort to alcohol like many do. Worried about him surviving on his own, but like you said, the ball is in my court. I need to stay strong. Inviting him back will start things all over again. [/QUOTE]
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