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Hello, all - new here ... looking for help ...
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<blockquote data-quote="brandy514" data-source="post: 323935" data-attributes="member: 8536"><p>Marg,</p><p> </p><p>Thanks so much, a lot of what you said does hit home with me. I don't think he's "too far gone" ... I have read a few posts talking about the Explosive Child book - I think I will see if I can check it out at the library or pick up a copy. </p><p> </p><p>I have been trying to find a way to use positive discipline - it seems so hard sometimes! Waiting and waiting for him to do something right, and hope I don't miss the moment. I love him, dearly. I know he loves me. I toldd him again last night, I don't want any fights tonight. No fights. He agreed and said that he could be agreeable and would try to not have a negative attitude and respond with respect. And, for the most part, he did ... although it helps that my husband and him laid off each other a little and he was able to spend time on the computer - he feels as though it's his right, I guess, even though it's not his computer. He's so angry when his father's home, on the computer working or otherwise - he gets frustrated - I don't know how to get through to him that it's not a good feeling and it's not one that he should dwell on, but ... to think of the positives. He just would rather be angry. Okay. </p><p> </p><p>Last night, we talked to him - he was grounded for low grades. Now, I have been thinking - good kid, he rarely disobeys his consequences - he also communicates regularly and freely with me and he's indicated several times that he's not going to be prevented from having a social life - a mini-threat perhaps. I decided that it would make more sense to let him have his freedoms during the week (2 hours of play time with his friends after school) as he did before - we aren't home for a couple of hours after he's home anyhow, usually, so ... we can't really enforce - it leaves a lot of room for failure. Instead, he needs to ddo things to earn the time on the weekends - perhaps dishes, his homework, vacuum the rugs, etc. Nothing major, or that would take more than 10-15 from a chore perspective. He agreed that sounded like a good idea - that being cooped up has him even more angry. I think that puts the ownership on him to do the right thing - earning his freedom. I am worried that he might perceive it as his threats worked and we backed down. I don't know ... time will tell.</p><p> </p><p>Thanks again, so much though, Marg, I appreciate your insight. I'm sure I will have more to tell within the week, if this is working or not.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="brandy514, post: 323935, member: 8536"] Marg, Thanks so much, a lot of what you said does hit home with me. I don't think he's "too far gone" ... I have read a few posts talking about the Explosive Child book - I think I will see if I can check it out at the library or pick up a copy. I have been trying to find a way to use positive discipline - it seems so hard sometimes! Waiting and waiting for him to do something right, and hope I don't miss the moment. I love him, dearly. I know he loves me. I toldd him again last night, I don't want any fights tonight. No fights. He agreed and said that he could be agreeable and would try to not have a negative attitude and respond with respect. And, for the most part, he did ... although it helps that my husband and him laid off each other a little and he was able to spend time on the computer - he feels as though it's his right, I guess, even though it's not his computer. He's so angry when his father's home, on the computer working or otherwise - he gets frustrated - I don't know how to get through to him that it's not a good feeling and it's not one that he should dwell on, but ... to think of the positives. He just would rather be angry. Okay. Last night, we talked to him - he was grounded for low grades. Now, I have been thinking - good kid, he rarely disobeys his consequences - he also communicates regularly and freely with me and he's indicated several times that he's not going to be prevented from having a social life - a mini-threat perhaps. I decided that it would make more sense to let him have his freedoms during the week (2 hours of play time with his friends after school) as he did before - we aren't home for a couple of hours after he's home anyhow, usually, so ... we can't really enforce - it leaves a lot of room for failure. Instead, he needs to ddo things to earn the time on the weekends - perhaps dishes, his homework, vacuum the rugs, etc. Nothing major, or that would take more than 10-15 from a chore perspective. He agreed that sounded like a good idea - that being cooped up has him even more angry. I think that puts the ownership on him to do the right thing - earning his freedom. I am worried that he might perceive it as his threats worked and we backed down. I don't know ... time will tell. Thanks again, so much though, Marg, I appreciate your insight. I'm sure I will have more to tell within the week, if this is working or not. [/QUOTE]
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